No Man is an Island - 9/10
Author: Daniela
Fandom: The Killing
Pairing: Stephen Holder/Sarah Linden
Rating: PG13
Category: AU, Angst, Romance, Humor
Series/Sequel: Oh Snap!
Summary: They are driven apart.
Warning: Adult Fanfiction, Spoiler for season three + four
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm writing for free.
Feedback: You feel me?
Email: daniforblue@yahoo.de
Word Count: 6240
Released: April 2019
Beta: lilysmum
The sober facts of life caught up with him horrifically fast. The torched up body from the trunk was possibly Angie Gower, the girl that bolted from the hospital two weeks ago. That meant that Mills couldn't have killed her - Mills was locked up last night. Aside from that the information that Mills was a suspect hadn't been released to the public. So only a cop could have planted those trophies in Mill's car, only a cop had a reason to destroy Angie's body to be futile as evidence, only a cop could have known all those things.
Linden was reluctant at first to do something about the shocking new lead. She was concerned what such conclusions which weren't proven yet could do to Skinner's career and life. Furthermore Mills would walk, though he was trash, murderer or not.
"What do you want to do, let the state hang another guy who didn't do it?" he hurled at her. A bit harsh, yeah, maybe even unfair, after everything she had tried to do to save Seward, the poor bastard. Whatever. He had no choice. He wanted the catch the guy who killed those girls and Bullet. He didn't intend to throw some innocent jerk under the bus, no matter if he did terrible things, just for the sake of Skinner. No way in hell.
She took the blow and kept smoking. At last she agreed to drive to the precinct, and get the file. They would pursue the new lead, not telling anyone yet. Not even Skinner. He knew that was hard on her.
The file was slim, though, most of the evidence went to the DA. He was lucky she denied his suggestion to call Caroline to help them out. That's your idea? You've just broken up with her? What's your excuse to pull her into this shit, huh? You wanna make her life miserable, too?
Just look at Linden, for heaven's sake. Not a scrap left of the giggling, teasing girl she was a few hours ago. Right. He did that. He snuffed that woman out. That hurt. Damn. That hurt worse than being jealous about a man he barely knew.
After a brief and tense discussion they started with the first victim, driving to her home address, questioning the relatives. The father couldn't tell them anything conclusive, but bam! There it was. A big fat clue between the family pictures hanging on the wall. A snapshot of a familiar guy. Fucking Carl Reddick. He used to live next door. He moved after the girl had disappeared. No shit! They kept the news to themselves and walked out of there.
He was raging, wishing he had killed that bastard Reddick, not only beaten him up. He'd deserved every blow and more. Though even if Reddick killed those girls that didn't explain Trisha Seward, did it? So what the fuck was going on?
Right that second Linden pointed at a treehouse in one of the gardens. She said the killer was never after Trisha. She told him that Seward had built Adrian a tree house. But the nearest trees to Seward's apartment were at the lake where the bodies of the girls had been buried.
Damn. He was too tired to argue the new clue, he just followed her lead. They raced to the edge of the woods and marched through the wilderness. Jesus. He hated hiking. He started complaining but she didn't listen. Instead she explained why a little kid ended up a mile from his home in the middle of the woods. Adrian was running from the constant abuse at home, hiding at the one place he felt safe.
He kept arguing about the distance and she confessed what he'd always implied, though she'd never given him the credit for guessing right.
"In my first foster home, the lady used to cry all day long every day. I'd wait until I couldn't stand it anymore, until I thought I was gonna explode if I stayed another minute. And then I'd run. Every couple days I'd run. And they would find me and they would bring me back, and then I would run again. Adrian's a runner, too."
Yeah, babe, and you're still running. I tried to make you stop. I really tried. I don't know if I'll ever succeed. I just know I'll keep trying. He knew though that her confession was sacred. He was almost sure she'd never told that to anyone but him.
Whatever. Runner or not. She was right. There was the damn treehouse. Adrian's hiding place.
She climbed up the wooden steps of the ramshackle ladder, ignoring his concerns of being in danger of breaking her neck. Up there she was looking around, and then she sent him to the edge of the pond.
He walked over there and realized she was right about everything. They could see each other. The same way Adrian and the killer had seen each other. The maniac wasn't coming to the apartment that night to kill his mother Trisha. He was coming to kill Adrian.
Little man. The target of a killer. Walking the streets unguarded.
Holy shit! They raced to Adrian's home but he wasn't there, only his backpack was. Mrs. Clarke, his foster mom was confused. Adrian never did that, never left before she'd come home. The backdoor was wide open. Ah. Shit! That was bad, really bad. Linden called Skinner. A kid's life was at stake, so every second counted.
Skinner arrived only minutes later. He and Linden filled him in on the new insights. And then Linden called Skinner 'Jimmy'.
Whoa! That intimacy stumped his hopes. So? She said that's over. She isn't the lying type. Never was.
Skinner was not happy about the news that Joe Mills was innocent and the killer might be a cop, and that the evidence pointed to Reddick. Skinner thought he had a personal grudge against the guy, but Linden backed him up, and Skinner was at least listening to their story. At last he ordered them to go and look for Adrian. He would track down Reddick himself.
He didn't agree with Skinner, no way, Reddick had been his partner. Unfortunately Skinner pulled rank. He also asked to keep the suspicions about Reddick between the three of them until they were sure.
Damn. He barely held himself in check, fighting the urge to make a scene. He was called away by a fellow cop then. He went reluctantly, leaving Linden and Skinner alone, talking about stuff he couldn't hear, though Linden came over to him shortly after. That made him chill a bit. Don't make this personal, damn it. Skinner is just doing his job. He's not the enemy. The only reason you can't stand the guy is your damn feelings for Linden.
Their inquiry at the house of one of Adrian's friends added up to Adrian was scared of being followed. But the mother of the friend hadn't taken his fears seriously. They didn't waste time on lecturing her about proper help for a child in need and rushed back to the precinct to pursue the new clue.
That's when the day went down the drain. Two men were waiting in front of the building holding him off. Alvarez and Guggenheim from Internal Affairs. They arrested him for questioning. What the fuck! Why now? Had Reddick tipped them off after all?
The argument that he was on an urgent job fell on deaf ears. They insisted on questioning him right now. Okay. Chill. You can't let Linden know about the fuck-up with Reddick.
"I got this, Linden. I'll catch you in a few." He followed them into the building.
"I'll call Skinner. He'll clear it up," she said, unsettled, maybe, but not worried. Never worried about him.
Yeah, right. Good luck with that. The guy is too damn busy right now to care about me.
He went chill as fuck going with them to a room and settled into a chair. "Look, just call my supervisor. He's gonna tell you what's what, so I can get out of here, and then you can go do whatever it is that you do." That's cool, man. Make them angry by mouthing off. That always makes people do what you want, idiot.
"It's come to our attention that you're harassing your ex-partner, Carl Reddick."
Ah. There it is. The kick in the teeth.
"What?" Careful now, or they have you by the balls.
"Is it true that you've made numerous threatening phone calls to him and to his family?"
"No." Damn. He was in fucking deep shit.
"It seems you've, uh, developed some sort of fixation with his daughter."
Okay. He laughed. He couldn't help it. "What, Reddick told you that?" You bastard. I'll make your life a living hell for pulling that shit. That's downright dirty.
Alvarez and Guggenheim didn't crack a smile.
"You're serious?" Okay. Breathe. Don't make this crap worse than it already is. Try not to freak out. You don't want to end locked up.
"Mind if we take a look at your phone?" Alvarez said.
He got his cell out. "As long as you don't mind the pictures of me banging your mama last night." He threw the thing on the desk. Stop that, for Christ's sake. Do you want to end up in jail tonight? Do you want Linden out there with Skinner, working the case without you?
Alvarez didn't even wince. Guggenheim continued feeding him information. "You assaulted Detective Reddick in his own house in front of his family... is that correct?"
"Look, we had a little misunderstanding, but we're cool, all right? Go talk to him if you don't believe me. Better yet, bring him in here, and then we can all have a little téte-á-tete." He got angry now, no shit - Adrian was out there, hunted by a maniac, and they had him here for a fucking smoke screen.
"Yeah, well, Detective Reddick's not the one under investigation here," Alvarez blocked him off.
"Maybe he should be." Fuck. He wanted to knock that guy unconscious and just get out of here. He wanted to help Linden find Adrian.
His attitude earned him a dish of dirt of his past. "You're a bona fide tweak head," Alvarez finished the lecture. The asshole even called him Steve.
Is that payback for insulting your mama or just your damn arrogance? So what? Right now all he cared about was Linden. He was desperate, damn, almost begging for a phone call, he just needed two minutes to talk to her. He was willing to grovel, even mentioned Skinner's name to show them he was not the bad guy here, but Reddick. He jumped up, damn it, he couldn't sit still anymore. He needed space as well as fresh air.
"Reddick didn't file the complaint. Your lieutenant did," Alvarez said, gloating.
What?! Skinner filed the complaint? Skinner! Skinner! What the fuck? The room was spinning as fast as his mind was racing, sorting through all the shit they've fought and endured, coming to the most horrific conclusion in the end. Holy shit! Skinner ratted him out. Skinner wanted him gone. Skinner is the one. Not Reddick. Skinner killed those girls. Skinner killed little girl Bullet! Holy Shit! That fucking bastard.
Jesus! Linden is with him now. She doesn't know. Linden is in danger. If she finds out he's gonna kill her. Damn it! What is this shit! He ran to the door, joggling the handle. The door was locked. What the fuck? Was he already convicted and imprisoned?
"Open the door." The two jerks just stared at him. "Open the door." He kicked the door. "Open the door!"
"No, you haven't got an anger-management issue," Alvarez continued mocking him. "Not one bit."
"Look, my partner's life is in danger, you dumb son of a bitch."
"Admit what you did to Reddick, Steve. I mean, your own partner. I thought you two were tight, loyal to the death."
We are. I killed for her. I'd die for her. Damn. I need to get out of here. Think, damn it. Think of a way out of here. Whatever it is? Throw it at the damn jerks. Okay. Chill. Then one crazy idea just came to him. A good one. If a confession was what they wanted to let him go he would give them one to chew on.
Okay. Fine. Here we go. He sat down and told them the biggest lie he'd ever told. He might ruin his career, or even his life, but he didn't care. He needed to get to Linden.
"I planted a bomb in Reddick's car this morning. You might just set it off by using my phone, Holmes." He pushed them hard. "Got about 35 minutes until it's gonna blow."
The mean shitty trick shocked them idiots hard enough to make them buckle and call Reddick. Good. Maybe there's still a slice of hope. Maybe I'm able to get her before things get downright ugly.
And lo and behold! His crazy lie worked. His ex-partner came running to the precinct, screaming bloody murder about the bomb squad scaring his family to death. A kick-ass scene. Reddick was raging and spitting, yelling at Alvarez and Guggenheim for their stupidity to believe his faked up story in the first place.
"Cut him loose," Reddick challenged them dumb-asses; he was smoking persuasive.
He couldn't help himself but grin like a weirdo about the guy, who was sometimes a jerk, but no murderer, and he was damn glad about that fact.
A few minutes later he was free to go. He called Linden right away. No answer. Jesus. What can I do? Where had Skinner taken her? Was she with Adrian or at a different place?
The same second Reddick punched him. Yet he'd apologized to Reddick, telling him he'd had no choice. He just took the well-deserved blow and asked Reddick to look for Adrian then, hurrying out of the precinct.
"Where the hell you going?"
"I got to go find the son of a bitch who set me up." Oh, he didn't say his name. That wouldn't do any good. Not yet. Not before Linden was safe and Skinner was proven guilty. He would do this the right way. Ah, shit. I hope I can keep my word. I hope I don't shoot the bastard at sight if he'd hurt Linden in any way. You hear me? Don't you dare touch her.
He started with Skinner's home, hammering at the door, until the upset wife gave him the information he needed to even have a chance to pursue them. That Linden and Skinner had been here today, that they had left together, and the location of the lake house where they were heading.
Pack a bag. Join me for the weekend. We make a fire. Drink some wine. He hadn't forgotten those words when Linden and Skinner were flirting in the office. No shit. He couldn't forget that the wife had called Linden Skinner's girlfriend. Why can't you just accept what is certain? That Linden and Skinner hooked up again. She doesn't care about you, Adrian, or the case.
He grabbed the wheel so tight his knuckles cracked in agony and he needed to blink a drop of water out of his right eye. Bullshit. She wouldn't just leave you or Adrian in such deep shit to make out with her lover. That's not what she is, that's not like her at all. Something happened after Skinner trapped him with the IA. Something bad. You have to hurry. Right. As always you drive too slow. Step on the gas, moron. Drive faster. Drive like a madman through the night, a night without city lights. Call her over and over again, even though you know she won't pick up, because she can't. Damn. Linden was possibly dead. Adrian, too. Jesus. Don't think like that. Don't give up hope. Come on. Drive. Just drive. He screamed at the cruelty of fate and put his foot down. The blurry landscape floating by outside turned pitch black. Darkness all around.
*****
On the ropes he arrived at the area surrounding the lake, passing a signpost in the form of a fish wearing the number 2428. An owl cried out and mist was crawling in. He got out of the car, walking straight ahead, struggling through the scrub. He spotted the cabin then, hiding in the midst of trees and creepy coldness. He pulled his gun. The night was silent but for the voices of various animals calling out for prey. He shuddered. He peeked through a window and then kicked the door in.
"Adrian?" Nothing.
He walked inside, searching, listening. No sign of anybody. Damn. At a loss of what to do next he kicked a chair. Well. He was at the end of his wits. Where could they be? Think! Fuck! He went back outside, looking at the sky. Talk to me. I need you. I won't ask for anything else ever again. Right then a call illuminated his phone and the darkness with a bit of hope. It was Reddick telling him that Adrian was alive. The boy was not with Skinner; Reddick had found him at his mom's grave in the city. A howling miracle.
"Thanks," he whispered, relieved for one ridiculous second. Then his hopes were crushed by the gunshot ripping through the forest. A loud and ugly sound in the dark woods. He flinched. Linden! He bolted and crashed through the woods, jumping over roots and spike moss, endangering himself.
"Linden!" He saw her then. "Linden." He ran towards her.
She was standing high and tall, having her gun pulled, aiming at Skinner who was down on his knees.
"You okay, Linden. You okay?" No, she wasn't. She was on the edge of killing a man in cold blood. She was in danger of ruining her life. "We got him. Adrian... he's alive. Reddick found him. He's with him right now."
She looked at him briefly then at Skinner again. The creep looked at her in awe. "You loved me, Sarah. You... love me."
"It's over." Fuck! Come on. Don't do this. He's not worth it. "Adrian's alive. He's fine. Put the gun down. Linden. Linden. Look at me. He wants you to do this. Put the gun down. Put the gun down." His voice broke, and he was fishing for better words to make her stand down.
"I... don't..." She took a blubbering breath, wavering. "Is Adrian really okay?" She lowered her gun.
"Yes, you can chill and let justice take its course." He exhaled. Skinner would get the death penalty. Jesus! The creep was done. He couldn't believe he got here in time. He couldn't believe she'd listened to him. He unclenched the grip on his gun.
The deafening sound of a fresh gunshot ripped a hole in his vision of a just ending. What the fuck? What-
Skinner's head exploded in a cloud of blood splattering the area. His body slumped to the mossy ground.
-the actual fuck! Linden hadn't even moved. "Oh, no! No. No, no, no." He ran over, checking Skinner's body and detected a gun in his hand. The bastard had a second gun hidden, probably wrapped around his ankle. Shit. He should have thought about that. Stupid. Yeah. He was an idiot.
Linden remained stuck to the spot she was standing on, with a face like ice, not making a sound.
"He's dead." You think, asshole. How could you fuck this up? "I'll call it in."
"What?" She winced as if woken from a bad dream. "No. You go. I call it in. Don't ruin your career."
"I don't give a shit about that."
She put her gun away. "You should, though. What about your future? What about Caroline?"
"Caroline ain't my decision maker."
"Isn't she? I thought she got you by the balls."
He stared at her, stunned. Don't you know? Really? Not even after I tried to kiss you. That you're the only woman who got me by the balls. Squeezing tight. Where is this coming from and why now? Are you jealous after all? Just a little bit, huh? "It's you and me, Linden. We're on the same team, remember?"
"Are we?" she murmured in a flat tone, her eyes drained of life.
My God, woman. Why don't you trust me for fuck's sake? "Just worry about right now, okay? That's all you gotta think about, Linden." Her defensive demeanor made him shiver to the bone. He didn't know when he went wrong. Again. Why couldn't she trust him? You are a tweak-head. Addict stays addict. Forever and ever. That's why. Never forget that. "We'll make it through this. You hear me?"
"You don't have to stay. You don't have to help me." She kept staring at Skinner's body as if she expected he'd rise from the dead. She didn't cry, though.
"Yeah, I do." He was wrong he realized. She didn't trust him because she just got betrayed in the worst way ever by a man she trusted and loved, a man she thought she knew. How could she trust him or anyone else ever again? "I'm sorry. I should have done better. If I wouldn't've gotten busted-"
"Don't even!" She stirred back into motion, shaking her head. "He did that. Not you."
"I know that." The guilt of what he'd done to let Skinner hold all the aces weight heavy on him. "My point is we have nothing to lose then, do we? We do this the right way to come out of this unharmed."
She shot him an incredulous look. Unharmed? What the fuck! Are you nuts? Yet she didn't argue anymore.
"Okay. Let's do this." He called it in. Then he spun around, considering their options. "Tell me why you and Skinner came out here anyway."
"Huh?" She'd returned to stare at Skinner's body.
"We need out stories matched, Linden."
"Sure," she croaked, reeling.
"Hey." He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her close. "Come here."
She yelped but didn't push him away.
"He can't hurt you anymore." He held her tight. "You're okay."
"Skinner's daughter wore the ring with the celestial stone. He was stupid enough to let her have the trophy of a dead girl. Can you imagine?"
"Damn."
"Yeah. Not that stupid, though. He baited me with Adrian's life being at his mercy." She shook. "I had no choice but to go with him. For Adrian's sake."
"I know." He could smell her hair, overwhelmed by joy and sorrow at once. The bastard is lucky he's dead already. I would have killed him otherwise. I would have ruined both of our lives. "I'm so sorry."
*****
At the precinct they were separated. He wasn't concerned, though. He and Linden had nothing to hide. He just spilled the whole story, knowing she would do the same. He vented the damn mess over and over again until he couldn't do it anymore. "You know what? That's it. Do what you want. I'm done talking."
He was beyond exhaustion, when the officer in charge put Linden and him in the hallways. He was walking back and forth just to keep moving, otherwise he would have fallen asleep in seconds. "We're doing good. We got this. We're almost done," he murmured to himself, smothering his worries.
She fought her own battles by drinking too much coffee until her hands were shaking. He couldn't take that either. He tore the half-full paper cup from her hands, throwing the damn thing into the trash. "You don't need no more rocket fuel, Linden." He scowled at her. "Linden? You okay?"
She scowled back. "Cut it out, okay? This kid-glove thing, this handling-me thing, I'm fine, just quit hovering."
"Didn't know I was hovering."
"Bullshit, you didn't know."
"Jesus Christ, Linden. You gotta keep it together." He couldn't bear to see her pale face, her fidgety movements. He couldn't bear being fucking helpless. He expected both of them to get suspended, fired even. He feared she would do something worse as soon as they were done here. Not kill herself. Nah. She sure as hell was able to hurt herself in more subtle ways though. All that shit was happening because of Skinner. He hated the bastard with every beat of his heart no matter the guy was dead. Not only for what he did to all those girls he killed, or for Bullet, but for what he did to Linden. Skinner damaged her to a degree he wasn't sure she could ever come back from. He kicked the wall.
"Okay. Stop." Linden grabbed his arm. "I know you're only trying to help."
"It's not you I'm mad at. You know that." He sat down next to her, stretching his legs.
"I do and I'm sorry that I pulled you into this shit."
"Nah. It's my fault. I should have let you walk away the last time you quit."
She put her head against the wall and closed her eyes. "That wasn't your decision to make."
"Maybe not. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, does it?" He closed his eyes as well. "What's done it's done."
"No doubt."
*****
For once they were lucky because the autopsy report confirmed that Skinner had killed himself. That left a lot of questionable actions happening that night but then something took place he hadn't seen coming.
The Deputy Commissioner and the Mayor entered the interrogation room, the unlucky guy who had been shot and lost the ability to walk during the Rosie Larson case, but was voted to be the leader of the city anyway.
The Mayor made clear that the public would never learn that Skinner, a cop, a high ranking detective, was the Pied Piper serial killer, and how convenient it was that he had died due to a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the head.
That he and Linden had been witness to this would be left unmentioned in any report. Nobody would believe them anyway if they say otherwise. They had no proof and Linden had a history of mental illness.
Oh snap! The truth was swept under the carpet because the scandal would be irreparable. A silver lining at last. He and Linden were free to go. He couldn't believe how lucky they were. She wasn't happy, though. She grimaced and left, brushing him off.
He stayed behind, slumping against the wall. What now? What was the best way to help her without ruining everything between them? What to do to help her through the worst damaging crisis? What to do to make her feel better?
"What is it with you and Wonder Woman, huh? Can you do normal police work just for once?" Reddick complained as he turned the corner, stroking over the bald patch on his head.
"That's not funny."
"It wasn't supposed to be."
"What's your point, huh?"
"Just tell me what really went down out there after I called you about the boy?"
He squared his shoulders. "Why don't you read our statements?"
"That's what I thought." Reddick smirked, shaking his head.
"I'm out of here."
"Yeah, sure. Go on, chop, chop, Mrs. Linden."
He rolled his eyes. What was it with men picking on men for letting a woman taking the lead? He sure had no problem with such a thing if the woman was the best thing that ever happened to him or if she just got her heart broken by a serial killer ex.
He went home and took a shower. He stank like an old fart. Neat and clean he was hovering at his window, smoking like blazes. Damn. Though he was exhausted beyond anyone's grasp he wasn't able to sleep. He couldn't stop thinking about her and how smashed she must be.
When he had finished his pack of cigarettes he was lolling around, playing with things, staring at the ceiling. At seven am he picked himself up. He was an idiot. He should have gone after her hours ago. He couldn't let her suffer through this alone. Okay. Fine. Whatever. Better late than never.
But first he went shopping for groceries though. Comfort food was always good for the soul no matter what. The trunk loaded with healthy shit he drove out to her house and knocked at the door. There was no answer. Natch!
He just kept knocking. He wouldn't give up. He wouldn't go away before he made sure she was still breathing. Sounds rational, doesn't it? Sounds like what a friend would do for a friend, and they were friends, right?
Okay. He heard footsteps. She was coming after all.
"Go away, Holder."
"Nah. I won't leave until I'm sure you're okay."
She opened the door. "I want to be alone." Her face was grief-stricken. She had cried until her eyes were bloodshot.
Bullshit. "I need to talk to you. There is no one else I can talk to." He shrugged. "You gonna let me in or what?"
"Uh... not if you're smoking." She stared at the bag in his left hand. "My house reeks. I'm done, this time for good."
"Yeah, give you 10 minutes, tops."
She winced.
"Fine." He put the cigarette out. "Can I come in now?"
"Whatever." She turned around but left the door open.
He followed her inside. "Did you eat something?"
"No, and you can't make me."
"I won't, but you have to. Come on. Eat one of those." He fetched a burrito from the bag. "Eat one and you don't have to eat anything else for the rest of the day."
She slapped his hand away. "How could I not have known who he was?"
Okay. Fine. Let's deal with that now. "Don't do this to yourself. Nobody knew. Not any cop working with him or for him." Let's do this and then forget about it forever.
"I-I should have known anyway."
"Maybe, still he's the bad guy not you."
"I didn't know what he did in all those years. I even loved him once. I can't deny that. It's a burden I have to live with. I'm drowning, Holder, drowning in the guilt."
"I know but you don't have to do this alone. I'm here to help. We'll talk this through as much as you need and then we're gonna move forward, leaving this shit behind. Now eat a burrito." He put it in her hand.
"Stop that." She crushed the thing on the counter. "I hate you taking care of me. I hate you treating me like I'm weak." She punched him. "I want you to leave."
"Not a chance. Go on. Put it on me. I can take it."
"I don't want you to." Yet she punched him again.
"Ow!" He grimaced. "If you'd rather have a hug instead I can do that too. No strings attached."
"Get out!" Tears welled up in her eyes, running down her face.
Shit! "Linden, come on. That's not what you want."
"It is. I want to be alone," she sobbed, shoving him. Hard.
He didn't move an inch. "Okay. That's enough." He reached out and like a limp doll she fell into his embrace.
"He said I didn't see because I didn't wanna see."
"Jesus, Linden. He was trash. Don't waste your peace on that creep and whatever he said. Period."
She broke down and started crying for real. He held her close, just held her saying nothing else. There was nothing he could say or do to take her pain away. The shit she had been through was too much for anyone, even for a hard-ass like her.
She cried for a long time. When she was finished he lifted her in his arms. She didn't put up a struggle when he carried her upstairs. "What do you need is rest, Linden. A whole day of shut-eye and then you can think better." He put her on the bed.
"Don't leave."
"Don't you worry. I'm here. I always will be." He took her shoes off.
"I lied," she sniffed. "Skinner wanted us to get back together. He asked me to come with him to the lake..."
"... to make a fire. I know. Don't think about that anymore. Just go to sleep."
"I didn't say yes though," she murmured, grabbing his hand.
But you would have, wouldn't you? You wanted to be with him and that's the crux. "That's in the past. You said so yourself." He put the blanket over her but didn't let go of her hand.
"I made some shitty choices. I'm sorry, Holder."
"Hey. I'm not judging. I have no right."
"That's the trouble." Her body softened and she closed her eyes.
He frowned at those words not sure what she meant by them. I'm so sorry, babe. I wish I could do more. He made himself comfortable right beside her, not letting go of her hand. I wish I could have caught the bastard long before he'd damaged you. I wish I would have let you fly away to Sonoma with that idiot of a shrink boyfriend. He sighed, pressured by the guilt he put on himself for baiting her with the Rosie Larson case, which let her decide to stay on. Yeah, well done, Rockstar.
*****
Though they parted on good terms in the morning Linden didn't return his calls in the next couple of days. He tried to be patient, giving her space and time to chill yet he was afraid she wouldn't get better in ages. Fact was that nobody could heal from such horrible things no matter how many years passed by, on the whole. Just the very same applied to all survivors of unspeakable tragedy.
The police had recovered the rest of the bodies from the lake; and the news said that the families of the victims were given some peace now. He snorted. Sure. Let's face it. Nothing but cold comfort for the bereaved. That the policemen of the precinct didn't know they were once led by a serial killer was certainly not so bad considering.
Whatever. His fellow cops were just getting back to their usual routine when Linden walked in, looking her worst.
"Damn. Did you sleep at all or grab at least a shower since I left your house? You look like shit."
"You're awfully charming."
"That I am." He grinned. "Sorry."
"It's fine." She shrugged it off, sitting down.
"Oh yeah? Did you eat anything in all those days you were hiding away?"
"Sure. Don't worry." She swallowed. "I just came in to talk to the new... boss." Her eyes glazed over. "I needed to wipe the slate clean."
"I know." He lowered his voice. "Hey, listen, I know how... how hard this is for you."
"You don't!" She didn't mind raising her voice. "You know nothing. Nobody knows a fuck."
"Hey! Chill, for heaven's sake." He ducked his head. "I thought we're past the not talking about shit that went down in our lives."
"Let it go. It's my life. Not yours."
"Jesus, Linden." He lifted his hands. "I just wanna be there for you. I wanna be your friend."
"Sure you do." She rolled her eyes. "Just - I never asked you to. All I want is to be left alone." She rummaged through her pockets.
"That's not true. You once said you can't be that person, living on an island, not getting attached to anyone."
"What!" She blinked, nibbling on her lip. "Well, even if I said that... uh… that was before... She swallowed, breathing harshly, and her eyes bulged. "Never mind." She smashed her badge on the desk.
He flinched but kept his mouth shut. He couldn't think of one more thing to say to make her understand that he didn't ask her for anything but her trust.
"I'm done. I don't wanna be around anyone who was a part of this shit. Not anymore." She stood up and rushed to the door bumping into Reddick.
"Hey. Easy there." He moved to the right.
"I'm sorry." She shrugged. "For everything that was said and done."
"Sure." Reddick frowned. "No hard feelings."
"Take care." She went out hurrying down the hallway.
"What's going on?" Reddick approached him, as if he hadn't a clue looking at the gleaming badge.
"What?" He was too frazzled to think straight.
"Linden smiled at me. She need a new boyfriend or what now that Skinner is out of the picture?"
Nice try but not falling for such a cheap trick. "Wouldn't be your saggy old dimpled ass if she did." Or mine. He fetched her badge, turning it over, gagging on the bitterness in his mouth.
"So, Linden quit."
"Yeah, that's what it looks like." Chill out. It's not the end of the world, is it? Just the end of an era.
"Are you good? Need a shoulder to cry on?"
"Don't even start, okay?" He scrambled out of his seat. "I'm going for a walk."
"As long as you're back. Someone needs to do the paperwork on this bitch."
"All right. Ease up, man. I'll be here." Given that she's leaving and doesn't want me to come along. Yeah, well, what are you bitching about? That's the way it was supposed to end the day you met, isn't it?
So suck it up, moron.
