Category: Angst, Romance
Summary: Castiel mourns his loses.
Warning: Adult Fanfiction
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I'm writing for free.
Feedback: Show me some respect, please.
Released: March 2021
Word Count: 703
Meg was dead. Gone. She had ceased to exist. Castiel was as sure about that as he was about being an outcast hunted by creatures of every kind. Yet it wasn't right in any way to mourn her loss. He couldn't feel for a demon, could he?
My caretaker. My thorny beauty. My sweetest but most forbidden memory.
The soulless creature who had killed for him. The one who had watched over him and had looked at him as if he was God. The one who had died for him. He swallowed. He wouldn't cry, would he? He wasn't human. Besides that, she had only been a demon, for heaven's sake. An abomination. A creature beneath him. Right. Beneath everyone. Not worthy to torture himself over it.
He clutched the angel tablet. The thing I betrayed my allies for.
A little girl, eight years of age with black hair, stared at him. "Are you okay?"
He blinked. "Yeah. Sure I am. Why should I not be?"
"You look like you've seen the devil."
I did. He grimaced. "Not today. No. I am just exhausted. That is all."
"Oh." She smiled. "Did you have to do a lot of homework, too?"
"No, God's work," he spluttered before he could help himself.
"Are you a priest?"
"Something like that, yes." For once he wished he could be as heartless as a demon and get rid of her. Just leave me alone. I want to mourn my lover. Not that the reference is true. She and I never moved the furniture around, but I dare say she was just that - my lover. Not heartless like any demon. If she ever cared for anyone then she cared for me. Right. She fought for me and I left her to Crowley. Again. I am the one who got her killed. "I just need a moment alone. I lost someone close to me." I left her behind as if she never mattered to me. Which isn't true, is it? Good Lord! Why deny those feelings after I have let her know?
You should stay here and protect Meg.
Since when do I need protecting?
Since you were held captive and tortured for over a year.
Her rapt smile had said it all. She got it. He groaned.
"Sorry." The girl leaned in and patted his right hand squeezing the tablet. "I'll give you some space then."
"Thank you." He gave her a nod. I am sorry, too. I should have seen this coming. I should have protected her. I should have taken her-
"Margaret!" A female figure sitting upfront called out. "Leave that man alone."
Castiel's broken wings quivered. No! Aghast he watched the well-bred girl named Margaret shuffle back to her seat. Don't even think that's her. She is dead. Gone to the most fathomless place. He squirmed in his seat to look out the window. I won't ever see her again. We will never move any furniture. A single tear rolled down his face. Christ! He didn't wipe the sign of deepest regret away and the drop dried on his skin. A tiny but significant mark. Is this my fate? My odd burden? Forever missing what I can't have?
If you can turn souls into demons can you turn demons into souls? Reborn in a little girl crossing my path to damnation? Giving me an off-the-wall farewell?
He squared his shoulders, forcing his feathers to stop tickling. Let it go now! There is the world to think about. Not one demon sucked up by the Empty. The world on the brink of destruction. Yet he couldn't help but keep on mourning the creature that had honored him with a special name, a name he wouldn't forget, and would cherish forever, even as he travelled towards an uncertain destiny.
In his grief the celestial being didn't see the rainbow blooming at the far away horizon. A unique arc in the shades of blue and black. Though its meaning was obscure, the angel would have liked the peculiar mixture of colors and taken comfort in the bizarre phenomenon.
As bizarre as an angel's love for a demon, as preposterous as God's creation of heaven and hell.