(Slash) moments with John Sheppard Season 4 + 5


5. Season

Search and Rescue

Keller: "I thought we'd lost you there."
Sheppard: "Yeah, well, for a second I thought we'd lost me."

Keller: "Well, I'm sure McKay and Colonel Carter will be able to fix it."
Sheppard: "McKay's alive?" His face lit up!

Carter: "So am I, and part of my job is determining whether or not you're gonna be a liability on this mission."
Sheppard: "Colonel, I have more respect for you than any commanding officer I've ever had, but I'm getting on that Jumper, end of story. I'll surrender for court martial when I'm done."

McKay: "You know, Ronon and I could probably handle this. Maybe you should stay with the Jumper."
John turns and scowls at him. Rodney wilts under his gaze.
McKay: "... or not."

McKay: "It's closing."
Sheppard: "I see that."
McKay: "It's closing quickly."
Sheppard: "I got it."

Dex: "Here. Give it to me."
Sheppard: "I got it."
Dex: "Give it to me. I have to do everything."

Sheppard: "Wow!"
McKay: "I caught it! (the baby) Didn't hit the floor or anything!"
Teyla: "He did a wonderful job."
Sheppard: "That's good. That's ... you did good, Rodney."

The Seed

Sheppard: "Restraints, huh?"
Beckett: "Aye. I'm sorry, but I'm anticipating a severe reaction."
Sheppard: "Oh, great!"
Beckett: "Now, you're absolutely sure about this?" - "Remember, the formula comes from Michael, so as far as we know, it could ..."
Sheppard: "... turn me into a bug? Been there, done that."
Beckett: "No, actually, I was going to say it could kill you."
Sheppard: "Just ... give me the shot."
Beckett: "Now, it should take a few minutes to kick in, so just try to relax."
Sheppard: Oh, OK, I'll, I'll just, I'll relax."

Sheppard: "How's Ronon?"
Woolsey: "He has a bruised larynx. Apparently he won't be able to speak for several days."
Sheppard: "Wonder if anyone will notice the difference?"

Broken Ties

McKay: "I'm drawing a blank, so, look, I could use a fresh perspective."
Sheppard: "I'm not takin' a bath with you."

Wraith: "Kneel."
Sheppard: "You know, what'd be really creepy and unexpected is if you knelt instead."

The Daedalus Variations

Sheppard: "Wait a minute. You're talking about putting this thing in reverse?"
McKay: "Exactly."
Sheppard: "I just suggested that two hours ago!"
McKay: "And naturally I dismissed it out of hand, but then I realised that -- including the original designer -- not one but two versions of myself have failed to make this thing work. I had to think not like me -- in fact, I had to think like the opposite of me, and it doesn't get much more opposite than you."
Sheppard: "I'll take that as a compliment."

Voice: "Daedalus, this is Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Do you read?" - "Daedalus, do you read?"
Sheppard: "Uh, yeah, Daedalus ... uh, this is Daedalus, come in."
Voice: "Who? Who is this?"
Sheppard: "It's a long story."

Sheppard: "You're obviously a man of great integrity here, and a dedicated commander, and a very skilled pilot."
Alt-Sheppard: "Well, that's funny. I was gonna say the same to you."

Teyla to Rodney: "I think you'll make an excellent father some day."
Sheppard: "I've seen a lot of scary things in my time, but that thought scares me the most."

The Shrine This is one slashy episode

McKay: "Where -- where'd John go?"
Keller: "He just had to go away for a few minutes. He'll be right ..."
McKay: "John!"
Keller: "Rodney. Rodney, I'm your friend. I'm right here."
McKay: "Where are you, John? John?!"

Sheppard: "Well, how's our boy?"

John pats Rodney's leg through the blanket.

Sheppard: "Hey, pal."
McKay: "Hey ... John."

McKay: "John! John!"
Wearing his night wear, Rodney runs through the corridors of Atlantis, wide-eyed with fear and panting. He runs to the doors of John's quarters and hammers on them.
McKay: "John!"
He hammers on the doors again.
McKay: "John!"
John wakes up, switches on the bedside light and scrambles out of bed. As Rodney hammers on the doors a third time, he runs to the doors.
McKay: "John!"
As John opens the doors, Rodney surges into the room and grabs him anxiously by the shoulders.
McKay: "You were there, and then y-you ..."
Sheppard: "Rodney, Rodney! I'm right here! What's wrong?"
McKay: "I woke up, but Ronon left!"
Sheppard: "Oh, buddy, I'm sorry. I thought you'd fallen asleep."
McKay: "I was ... I got so scared. I was sure that ... by morning what was left of my mind was gonna be gone."
Sheppard: "I'm gonna take you back to your quarters, OK?"
McKay: "John, John, I've never been so scared. I'm slippin' away. I'm slippin' away and I don't know how to stop myself."
Sheppard: "Look, you're still here, all right? You're still here."
McKay: "Right. I am."
Sheppard: "And I'm not goin' anywhere. Hell, you wanna hang out, you just ... hang out."
McKay: "I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm ... I'm sorry. I shouldn't ... I shouldn't have woken you up."
Sheppard: "Hey, look. It's a nice night out. Let's go and have some beer on the pier, OK?"
Patting Rodney's shoulders, he goes over to the side of the room, picks up a leather jacket and opens a small fridge. Rodney turns to him, confused.
McKay: "I drink beer?"
Sheppard: "A lot."
He throws the jacket to Rodney.
Sheppard: "Take this." - "Come on, buddy, let's go." John lends Rodney his jacket! Cute!

With Rodney wearing John's leather jacket and John wearing the shirt he brought with him, the pair of them are sitting with their feet dangling over the edge of a pier, gazing over the moonlit ocean. John cracks open another can of beer and hands it to Rodney.
McKay: "I dunno. Should I have another?"
Sheppard: "What could happen?"
McKay: "I shouldn't have banged on your door like that. I feel ridiculous."
Sheppard: "Don't."
McKay: "I've been trying to remember the name of my sister's kid."
Sheppard: "Betty."
McKay: "Betty. Pretty sure that's not it."
Sheppard: "It's Madison. See? At least you remember what it wasn't."
McKay: "Now there's an under-rated skill."
Sheppard: "I'm just saying -- you may not be as far gone as you think."
McKay: "I'm hiding it. Believe me, I've already forgotten more than most people will ever know, and I know that sounds ... arrogant, is that right?"
Sheppard: "Yeah. That works!"
McKay: "This morning I was trying to help Zelenka finish a device that was apparently my idea. I was useless. Jennifer says it's gonna get worse now, almost by the hour. In a week or so, I won't even remember my name." - "How's about ... How about we say goodbye now?"
Sheppard: "No!"
McKay: "What d'you mean, 'no'?"
Sheppard: "I mean I'm not saying goodbye."
McKay: "Well, I'm saying it anyway!"
Sheppard: "Well, I'm not listening!"
McKay: "Yeah, but pretty soon I won't even know who you are!"
Sheppard: "Then I'll remind you."
McKay: "Yeah, but I don't want you to see me like that. I want you to remember me as I am -- as your genius friend, not as some ..."
Sheppard: "Not happening."
McKay: "Please."
Sheppard: "You're stuck with me, Rodney. Just accept it."
McKay: "Yeah, but I ..."
Sheppard: "No! That's final."
McKay: "OK."
Sheppard: "OK."
McKay: "You're a good friend, Arthur."
John looks round at him. Rodney turns his head and looks back at him. They hold each other's gaze for a moment, then start to giggle. One of the best moments ever!

Sheppard: "Rodney, look at the waterfall. It's cool, huh?"
McKay: "No!"

Sheppard: "What do you remember?"
McKay: "I remember you not wanting me to say goodbye then. Why now, all of a sudden?"

McKay: "Alright, well let me have a little ham."
Sheppard: "No. No food before surgery."

McKay: "D'you have some kind of itinerary planned?"
Sheppard: "Well, actually, we're gonna have a big feast first."
McKay: "Last supper, huh?"
Sheppard: "Well, it suits your Messiah complex."
McKay: "True!"

I have the feeling that Rodney says more often "John" in this episode than he did in the last four years.

First Contact

Woolsey: "Try not to blow her up while I'm gone."
Sheppard: "No promises."

Sheppard: "Well, I guess I'll go back to being the boss."
McKay: "How's that going?"
Sheppard: "Pretty boring, actually."
McKay: "Well, you're more than welcome to help us crack this first stream cipher."
He glances at Daniel.
"You know, he could have been in Mensa."

The Prodigal

In a corridor of the city, two remote controlled cars race along. The yellow one is ahead of the red one.
McKay: "Oh, I'm sorry(!) Too fast for you, buddy boy?!"
The cars race towards John Sheppard and Rodney McKay, who are standing at a corner and each controlling one of the cars. From Rodney's smug comment, it's clear that he's in control of the yellow one. The cars skid around the corner and head off down the straight, the red car beginning to catch up to the yellow.
Sheppard: "The nursing home just called, Rodney. They want their scooter back."
McKay: "Scooter?! That is a tricer lipo pack under my hood, son!"
The red car pulls alongside the yellow one, then nudges into it and shoves it against the wall. As the impact slows it down, the red car surges ahead.
McKay: "Hey!"
Sheppard: "Ooh, sorry! My bad!"
Rodney manoeuvres his car out of the wall and sends it chasing off after the red car again. The cars reach the end of the corridor where a small cylinder has been placed. The boys twist their controls frantically to swing their cars around the cylinder.
McKay: "Oh yeah. I will trample you!"
Sheppard: "Don't trip on your skirt."

McKay: "The shaft needs a bushing in the lube." - Off John's expression - "What?"

Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "Uh, no-no-no, that's a good ... good ... good plan ... except I see one small problem with that plan, which is that, um, you know, is that the underwater Bay only has a couple of Jumpers in it."
Sheppard: "Well, we only need one."
McKay: "Yes, well, the thing is, um ..."
Zelenka: "... both of them were severely damaged in the flood. Neither of them is able to fly."
Sheppard: "That's two years ago, Radek. McKay already fixed 'em."
Rodney turns and looks at him, embarrassed.
Sheppard: "Oh, you've gotta be kidding me!"
McKay: "It was the next thing on my list."
Sheppard: "You said you were gonna fix 'em!"
McKay: "I know, and I was getting to it, I swear!"
Sheppard: "And you had two years!"
McKay: "I was ... busy!"
Zelenka: "Perhaps we should go down there and see if we can fix one of them."
Sheppard: "That's a good idea, but I want you to stay here and try to override Michael's lockouts."
McKay: "Well, why don't I stay here and work on that? I mean, Zelenka can go with you to the Jumper Bay."
Sheppard: "'Cause I want you to come with me and fix those Jumpers like you said you were gonna do two years ago. Let's go."

McKay: "What are you – what are you doing?"
Sheppard: "I'm flying the Jumper; I'm crashing it into the tower."
McKay: "Crash it?"
Sheppard: "Look, it is our best chance of taking out Michael's Jumper."
McKay: "Not to mention taking out yourself!"
Sheppard: "I have crashed Jumpers into the tower before."
McKay: "Not like this, you haven't! Look, in addition to the weapons, the inertial dampeners are out. You'll need to impact Michael's Jumper with enough force to do some serious damage, which means a lot of speed when you hit that tower. Look, this is a suicide mission."

Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "Well, it's just ... um ... what you're about to do is ..."
Sheppard: "Yeah. Well, it's not like it's the first time. How many suicide missions have I flown?"
McKay: "I don't know. I lost count."
Sheppard: "Right, well, there you go."
McKay: "All right. Well, you know ..." - He stands up and offers John his hand. - "... here's to many more."
They clasp hands.

Remnants

Kolya: "You can tolerate more than any man I´ve ever known. Now why is that?"
Sheppard: "I was married once."

Brain Storm

John looks across the room and sees Rodney McKay and Jennifer Keller sitting at a table together, eating lunch and talking.
Sheppard: "Hey. Check that out."
Dex: "What?"
Sheppard: "D'you think he's ever gonna make a move?"
Dex: "Who cares?"
Sheppard: "Hmm."

Infection

Todd: "You owe me this, Sheppard."
Sheppard: "I don't owe you anything."

Sheppard: "I didn't think you were such a quitter. Look, you get the ship on the ground, I'll take you to your bug planet."
Todd: "And you expect me to believe that?"
Sheppard: "My word."

Todd: "I appreciate your decision to let me go."
Sheppard: "A deal's a deal."
Todd: "I will remember this, John Sheppard."

Enemy at the Gate

Sheppard: "Todd!"
Todd: "No doubt you're surprised to see me, John Sheppard."
Sheppard: "Yeah. You weren't looking so good last time I saw you."
Todd: "Yes, well, you'll be pleased to know the treatment was successful, although excruciatingly painful."
Sheppard: "You're just sayin' that to make me feel good."

Sheppard: "The other ZeePMs you talked to Woolsey about – tell us where to get 'em and maybe it'll improve your situation."
Todd: "Am I supposed to be enticed by this offer?"
Sheppard: "No. I'll probably kill you anyway. But don't forget: this Wraith betrayed you and got away with it. For no other reason, you might wanna do it out of pure spite."
Todd: "You know how to talk to me, John Sheppard." He bursts out laughing.

4. Season

Adrift

Sheppard: "Listen."
McKay: "What?"
Sheppard: "You’ve been making a lot of decisions without consulting me."
McKay: "I’m sorry -- we’re a little under the gun here. Things move fast."
Sheppard: "I understand that, but with Elizabeth...incapacitated, I hate to say it, but..."
McKay: "You’re in charge, I know. I’m sorry."
Sheppard: "Just keep me in the loop."
McKay: "OK, OK. I’ll give you the Coles Notes."
Sheppard: "The what?"
McKay: "Uh, the Cliff Notes."
Sheppard: "Why didn’t you just say that?"
McKay: "Uh, never mind."

McKay: "Look, no, no, no-no-no-no. That is a bad idea."
Sheppard: "Do you have a better idea?"
McKay: "Yes." He points his finger at John, thinking hard.
John tilts his head at him, waiting.
McKay: "I can’t. I just, I just need some time. If you, er..."
John turns and walks away.

McKay: "John, we are losing her here." For the first time he says John - and so casually there is only one explanation - they are lovers for a long time - Rodney is just used to call him by his given name in private.

McKay: "OK, this is stupid."
Sheppard: "What is?"
McKay: "Look, us fighting. Look, I know you’re not happy with me -- and you may have some cause -- but anyway, it’s not gonna matter much if we don’t figure a way out of this, right?"
John refuses to look at him.
McKay: "Look, we have to work together, so...so, so, I’m sorry."
Sheppard: "Apology accepted."
McKay: "Right."

Lifeline

Sheppard: "So, can you make a jump into hyperspace or not?"
McKay: "Yes, I think so."
Sheppard: "You think so?"
McKay: "Yes, think."
Sheppard: "You said you could do it."
McKay: "Correction: I said, probably do it."
Zelenka: "Yes, he’s having trouble with one of the algorithms he created during his brush with near-ascension."
McKay: "This is unbelievably complex physics here, alright? I mean, it makes string theory look like non-linear dynamics."
Sheppard: "... OK."
McKay: "Even if I do get it working, there’s still a thousand things that could go terribly, terribly wrong."
Sheppard: "I get it: it’s difficult; million to one odds, blah, blah, blah."
McKay: "Was there something else you needed, or were you here merely to prod and belittle?"
Sheppard: "No, no. Not merely."

McKay: "Oh, Plug and Play, huh? What, you think it’s that simple?!"
Sheppard: "Well, it will be because you’re gonna make it that simple."
McKay: "Yeah..."

McKay: "It’s working. OK, let’s jack it up, see how far we can penetrate."
Sheppard: "Penetrate?"
McKay: "What?"

McKay: "What? You don’t believe me, but you believe her?"
Sheppard: "No offence."
McKay: "Offence taken!"

McKay: "You wanted simple."
Sheppard: "I like simple."

Sheppard: "It’s plugged in."
McKay: "It is? Why am I not reading anything? Are you sure you plugged it into the right slot?"
Sheppard: "There’s only one slot, Rodney."
Weir: "Hurry, John. They’re coming -- and there’s hundreds of them."
Dex: "Won’t the field protect us?"
McKay: "As long as you hurry. OK, look, uh, try plugging it in again."
Sheppard: "Alright, it’s plugged in again."
McKay: "Still nothing. Look, what did you do?!"
Sheppard: "I didn’t do anything!"

McKay: "OK, you’re gonna need to implement adjustments to the negotiation protocol to exploit parallelism at the device interface."
Sheppard: "What?!"
McKay: "Just do what I say. Start by unplugging the cable. Now access the tablet’s root directory."
Sheppard: "This is not simple."

McKay: "How far is he? Can they make a run for it?"
Weir: "No! Replicators are approaching from every direction. They’re trapped."
McKay: "Which means they’re as good as dead."
Sheppard: "We can hear you, you know."
McKay: "Wh-what? Uh, no, when I say as good as dead, I mean it as more of a..."

Sheppard: "How are we doing with the upload?"
McKay: "Almost there. Just a few more seconds."
Sheppard: "Well, how many seconds?"
McKay: "Don’t start with that again!"

Sheppard: "Have we got enough energy to keep the shield up for re-entry?"
McKay: "There’d better be. What, a city this size’ll create considerable friction. We come in too fast or too steep and the shield could attenuate under the stress and the whole place’ll be torn to shreds, or burn up, or both."
Sheppard: "It never ends with you, you know?!"
McKay: "What?"

Reunion

Sheppard: "All clear."
McKay: "All clear?! You could have shot me!"

Doppelganger

Sheppard: "Looks like one of those toys you play with when you're a kid."
McKay: "What, Commodore 64?"
Dex: "Triple-barrelled shotgun?"
Sheppard: "A kaleidoscope."

McKay: "I'm pretty screwed up."
Sheppard: "You're tellin' me!"

McKay: "Which one are you?"
Sheppard: "Me."
McKay: "Good you or bad you?"
Sheppard: "Me me. Is that you you?"
McKay: "I think so."

Travelers

Larrin: "I'll be fine as long as you don't shoot too early. I'm sure that's not the first time you've heard that from a woman."
Sheppard: "On the other hand, I might be able to live with it."

McKay: "No, there's something you're not telling us. She was hot, wasn't she?"
Sheppard: "I don't know what you're talking about."
McKay: "Oh! I knew it! That is so typical!"
Sheppard: "She had me beat, Rodney. She threatened to kill me several times. It wasn't like we were hanging out in the spa together."
McKay: "Whatever! All I know is that every time I get taken captive, it's the Wraith. Just once, I would like to be taken prisoner by the sexy alien."
Sheppard: "Well, you may still get a chance."
Dex: "Yeah? What do you mean?"
Sheppard: "She's still out there."

Tabula Rasa

McKay: "Five bucks says you start losing your memories first."
Sheppard: "Rodney!"

McKay: "Do we know what's in these, because I'm allergic..."
Sheppard: "Just take it."

Dex: "Hey. Mess Hall's this way."
Sheppard: "Right." - "Don't look at me that way. It's easy to get turned around in this place."

Lorne: "He's telling the truth. This is our commanding officer."
Sheppard: "That's right. I am your commanding officer, so you should do what I say." (...he says while he has no fucking clue who he is...)
Lorne: "Yes, sir." - "What are your orders?"
Sheppard: "Do what he says." He points at Ronon.

Teyla: "Yes. If the distribution of the cure had been delayed any longer, many more people would have died."
Sheppard: "What do you mean?" - "Where's McKay?" THIS IS LOVE!

Missing

Sheppard: "Shane."
Dex: "What is?"
Sheppard: "Cliff Robertson. The villain he played – Shane."
McKay: "Very good. Shelley Winters."
Dex: "What the hell are you talking about?"

McKay: "I got life signs there, there, there, and there."
Sheppard: "Well, that really narrows it down."
Dex: "That way."
McKay: "Really? Why?"
Dex: "No reason."
Sheppard: "Good enough for me. Let's go."

The Seer

Carter: "While you were gone, we received a report that the people of M2R-441 were recently visited by a Wraith. Now, from the description of his facial markings, it sounds a lot like the Wraith who helped you escape from the Genii last year."
Sheppard: "My old buddy?" Oh oh! - John´s Wraith brother is back.

Carter: "Now I know why you didn't want the job. Look, John, Woolsey was right about one thing: you have had more experience with the Wraith than just about anyone, and in particular with this Wraith. You have a history."
Sheppard: "Well, it's not like we're dating."

Miller´s Crossing

Sheppard: "Are you guys OK?"
Jeanie: "How did you...?"
McKay: "We need to get Jeanie to the S.G.C. immediately. Is the Daedalus still in orbit?"
Sheppard: "You're welcome! It was a daring rescue."
McKay: "Yes-yes-yes, thank you, but we're nowhere near out of the woods yet."

Sheppard: "I don't know what to say, but the N.I.D. is not gonna provide us with a human for him to feed on."
McKay: "I know. It needs to be me."
Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "I want him to feed on me."
Sheppard: "You wanna what?!"
McKay: "Let him feed off me – get his strength back, then he can finish the coding and save Jeanie."
Sheppard: "Then what? Force him to give you your life back? He's not gonna do that."
McKay: "Sharon died half an hour ago."
Sheppard: "I don't understand. What happened? I thought the nanites were..."
McKay: "This time it wasn't a problem with the programming. It was a manufacturing defect. In layman's terms, the nanites ran out of steam while they were repairing her arteries. She bled out internally. There was nothing we could do. I can't lose my sister, John. How am I gonna explain it to her husband, to her kid?"
Sheppard: "That Wraith'll kill you."
McKay: "It's my choice to make."
Sheppard: "No, it's not. You're an invaluable member of my team and you report directly to me."
McKay: "Really? You wanna talk about chain of command right now?"
Sheppard: "You are not doing this."
McKay: "She's here because of me. I can't fix the problem, but I can help the guy who can. Look, this was not an easy decision to make."
Sheppard: "I can't."
McKay: "Please."
Sheppard: "I'm sorry." THIS IS TRULY LOVE!!!

McKay: "Listen, I can't believe what you did."
Sheppard: "I don't really wanna talk about it."
McKay: "You talked Wallace into sacrificing himself."
Sheppard: "No, I didn't."
McKay: "Well, then, how did he...?"
Sheppard: "I...I presented a situation. He volunteered."
McKay: "Still, you talked a man into killing himself."
Sheppard: "He wanted to make things right. I merely, uh..."
McKay: "...presented the situation."
Sheppard: "Yeah."
McKay: "Thanks." - "Wanna get something to eat?"
Sheppard: "Sure."
McKay: "Say, you and I are about even when it comes to looks, right?"
Sheppard: "Who's been lying to you?"
McKay: "No, I'm serious."
Sheppard: "I am too. Who's been lying to you?"

This Mortal Coil

Sheppard: "Do we know what the problem is?"
McKay: "Yeah. The Gate's not working."
Sheppard: "I think we figured that much last week when you broke it."
McKay: "I did not break the Gate."
Sheppard: "It just happened to stop working around the same time you were screwing around with it."
McKay: "I wasn't screwing around with it! I was running a streamlining programme designed to boost its operating efficiency."
Sheppard: "Yeah, well, good job!"
McKay: "It had nothing to do with why the Gate malfunctioned!"

McKay: "What are you all doing here? What's going on?"
John holds up a knife and looks at Rodney seriously.
McKay: "Uh, I'll be right back. I just remembered that I forgot to unplug something...or plug it in..." - "...Whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa. Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Wait-wait. Wh-what are you doing?"
Sheppard: "This may hurt a little."
McKay: "What?! No-no-no! Wait-wait-wait-wait!"
John drags the tip of the knife across Rodney's palm. Rodney wails in pain as blood wells out of the wound. He gasps in shock and anger.
McKay: "What is the matter with you?!"

RepliSheppard: "Yeah. McKay."
Both Rodneys look round at him.
McKay: "Hmm?"
RepliSheppard: "No, my McKay."
RepliMcKay: "Oh, yeah, right."

RepliMcKay and McKay: "...automatically adapted and outputted."
Sheppard: "Outputted? Is that even a word?"
McKay: "Of course it is!"
RepliMcKay: "We can't both be wrong."
John grimaces.
RepliMcKay: "Look, we need to get started on this now."
RepliSheppard: "Whoa, whoa. Not so fast. Where do you plan on doing this? We're too big of a security risk to be allowed back on Atlantis."
Sheppard: "He's got a...I've got a point."

RepliMcKay: "Humanity's about to benefit from one of the greatest living scientific minds times two!"
McKay: "Can you imagine?!"
RepliSheppard: "I'm trying not to."

Be All My Sins Remember´d

Caldwell: "Colonel."
Ellis: "Colonel."
Caldwell: "Colonel."
Carter: "Colonels."
Ellis: "Colonel."
Sheppard: "Colonels."
McKay: "What, seriously?!"

Sheppard: "A super-dense blob – that's your great idea?"
McKay: "It is, yes, actually."
Sheppard: "What do we do with the blob, then? Aren't we in danger of creating some Godzilla-sized super-Replicator?"
McKay: "No – at least, not at first. Look, this is not their normal form of bonding. I mean, it'll take them some time to adapt, to figure out how to function within the new parameters."
Carter: "How much time?"
McKay: "Well, I mean, I hate to speculate."
Sheppard: "Oh, since when?!"

McKay: "There is the one problem."
Sheppard: "Only one?"

Sheppard: "What the hell's goin' on?"
Wraith: "Apparently my fellow Wraith wanted to speak to me without you being around."
Sheppard: "Well, they might have just politely asked us to stay in the Jumper."
Wraith: "Come now, you would never have let me leave your sight."
Sheppard: "Well, we'll never know now, will we?"

Teyla: "I must go see Doctor Keller."
Sheppard: "Why's that?"
Teyla: "I was stunned."
Sheppard: "We get stunned all the time – shake it off."
Teyla: "Circumstances are ... different."
Sheppard: "How so?"
Teyla: "I am carrying a child."
Sheppard: "You're what?"
Teyla: "I am pregnant, John."
Sheppard: "Is this a joke?"
Dex: "Don't look at me!"
Teyla: "It just happened."
Sheppard: "I ... I didn't know you were seeing anyone."
Teyla: "It is no-one from Atlantis."

Ellis: "All this is based on information provided by a Replicator? We have no reason to trust it."
Sheppard: "We're not trusting it – we're trusting ... Rodney."

McKay: "Now, while I'm working in the Core Room, we'll beam Fran down to the city."
Ellis: "Wait a minute: Fran?"
McKay: "It's, uh, Friendly Replicator ANdroid."
Sheppard: "I didn't realise we were naming things."
McKay: "It noticed that Zelenka and I both had names and, um ... and she asked for one, so ..."

Sheppard: "Hmm! Wraith back being enemies; Replicators don't exist any more; you end your dry spell."
McKay: "Hey!"
Sheppard:" All is right with the world. What are you working on, anyway?"
McKay: "Well, you'd be surprised to hear that removing a planet from the database is actually a lot of work."
Sheppard: "I thought you'd be pretty good at that by now."
McKay: "You really just can't resist bringing up the fact that I once accidentally destroyed a couple of planets, can you?"
Sheppard: "It was an entire solar system."

McKay: "I would have loved to have seen Ellis' face when my plan worked. He's such a tool."
Sheppard: "I like him."
McKay: "You do?"
Sheppard: "Yeah. Good guy. Excellent judge of character."
McKay: "Oh, I see. I see where you're going."

Spoils of War

McKay: "Including our friend."
Sheppard: "Stop calling him that. It's weird."
Dex: "Then what do we call him?"
Sheppard: "I don't know. Let's go with ... Todd." - "It's a guy I knew in college. He was very pale."
McKay: "Todd's a terrible name!"
Sheppard: "You got a better one?"
McKay: "As a matter of fact, I do ..."
Sheppard: "You know what? Forget I asked."

McKay: "Don't worry – I've got an excellent sense of direction."
Sheppard: "Didn't you say you got lost in a garden maze once?"
McKay: "I was ten! Plus I was running from a bee."

Todd: "You picked up my signal. I wasn't sure you would come."
Sheppard: "What are friends for?"

Quarantine

Teyla: "What?"
Sheppard: "It's just that every time one of these things happens in the movies, the pregnant woman goes into labour."
Teyla: "I am still a long way from my due date."
Sheppard: "Yeah, it's the same thing in the movies and then, wham."
Teyla: "Relax, John. I will be fine."
Sheppard: "Why don't you sit down?"
Teyla: "I am all right."
Sheppard: "You know, just to be on the safe side, sit down."

Sheppard: "If they could have, they would have done it already. They probably can't get ahold of one either."
Teyla: "Can anyone do it?"
Sheppard: "They'd have to know Rodney's password." - "Fortunately, I do."
Teyla: "He told you his password?!"
Sheppard: "Well, he didn't think I'd remember it." - "One six four three one eight seven nine one nine six eight four two." - "See? Doesn't take a genius."
Teyla: "It doesn't?"
Sheppard: "1643 is the year Isaac Newton was born; 1879, Einstein; and 1968..."
Teyla: "The year Rodney was born."
Sheppard: "Never underestimate the size of that man's ego."
Teyla: "Wait – weren't there other numbers?"
Sheppard: "Forty-two."
Teyla: "What is that?"
Sheppard: "It's the Ultimate Answer to the great question of life, the universe and everything."

Teyla: "Climb the tower?! Is that even possible?"
Sheppard: "Sure. Batman did it all the time!"

Harmony

Sheppard: "I don't need your love life screwing up our trade relations."
McKay: "I'll try not to break her heart, but no promises."

McKay: "You gonna eat your power bar?"
Sheppard: "Yes, Rodney. Told you – shouldn't have eaten yours so early in the day."
McKay: "I'm starving! Usually Flora feeds us some sort of food when we visit. Come on – you hardly ever eat yours!"
Sheppard: "No, Rodney!"
McKay: "Well, will you give it to me later when you decide you're not gonna eat it?"
Harmony: "You allow him to question you so incessantly?"
Sheppard: "I guess I'm just used to it by now."
Harmony: "Would it not be easier to beat him?"
McKay: "We don't beat people where we come from."
Harmony: "Why not?"
Sheppard: "Well, we find it's not very effective in the long run ... unfortunately."

Sheppard admits that Rodney sometimes made him cry. Oh boy!

McKay: "Sheppard? John?" - - "John? John, are you there?" (Three times! That´s an all-time record!)

McKay: "I'm sure you did, but she's thirteen, she's unreasonable – among many other awful attributes."
Sheppard: "You know, they say you dislike the things in others that you in fact dislike about yourself."
McKay: "So what?"
Sheppard: "I'm just sayin'."
McKay: "We are nothing alike!"
Sheppard: "OK."
McKay: "She is a stuck-up, know-it-all brat ... Oh, ha-ha-ha."

Harmony: "You're mad at me."
Sheppard: "Mmm."
Harmony: "Our first fight." - "I knew it would happen eventually." - "We'll laugh about this one day."
Sheppard: "I'm sure we will, but we've gotta get moving."

Harmony (13 years old!) offers John to be her king. (Haha. That serves you right, Mister Womanizer!)

McKay: "Do you have any idea how many crystal placement combinations there are?"
Sheppard: "More than seven?"
McKay: "Try seven thousand."
Sheppard: "Well, that's less than infinite."

Outcast

Dex: "And this is a real sport? Men and women dancing around on ice?"
Sheppard: "Unfortunately."
Dex: "Your planet's weird."
Sheppard: "Mmm, you can say that again."

Midway

Sheppard: "Good boy."
Dex: "I hate you."

Carter: "Is your strike force ready?"
Sheppard: "As soon as McKay gears up, we're ready to go."
McKay: "Well, I'm not...All right, I'm gearing up."

Wraith: "Soon it is you who will be in for a world of hurt."
McKay: "Oh, crap!"
Angrily, John slaps him on the arm. Oh he just likes to hit him.
Sheppard: "Listen, love to sit around and chat, but gotta go."

Sheppard: "Rodney, we're out of time. Vent the atmosphere."
McKay: "What?!"
Sheppard: "Every room but the Control Room. Vent the air."
McKay: "How close are you?"
Sheppard: "Don't wait for me. Just do it."
McKay: "Can you make it to the Jumper?"
Sheppard: "I don't know. I'll try."
McKay: "John, I'm not sure there's time to..."
Sheppard: "We don't have time to argue! Do it!"

McKay: "Sheppard. Can you hear me? John – are you there?"

The Kindred Part 1

Sheppard: "That's not gonna happen."
Todd: "You always say that – but you always come around."
Sheppard: "Oh yeah? Well this is different."

Dex: "Maybe we just came to kill you."
Todd: "Did you?!"
Sheppard: "Unfortunately, no."
Todd: "Well, there's always next time."

The Kindred Part 2

Sheppard: "I'm tired of getting shot at with our own guns."
Beckett: "I'm generally not fond of it regardless of the weapon."

Carson gets frozen until they find a cure to save him - heartbreaking

The Last Man

Sheppard: "Rodney, you're a genius."
McKay: "OK."

McKay: "Look, um, I know you've already been debriefed about the future events – all the things we were hoping to avoid – but there's just one more thing I need to know."
Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "Did I still have hair?"
Sheppard: "No." (a walloping lie)

Irresistible