(Slash) moments with John Sheppard - Season 1, 2, 3

3. Season

No Man's Land

McKay: "Where did you come from?"
Sheppard: "I managed to latch onto the hull of the hive before it went into hyperspace."
Ronon: "Nice move."
Sheppard: "I saw it in a movie once." A movie. Are you kidding? The Empire strikes back.


Sheppard: "You figure out a way to fly this thing yet?"
McKay: "Oh yeah. Fly, shimmy, spin like a top. You didn't think it'd would be hard, did you?"
Sheppard: "Just proves my confidence in you wasn't misplaced."

Sheppard: "Do we have weapons yet?"
McKay: "Sort of."
Sheppard: "What does that mean?"
McKay: "Well, we can fire, but not in any particular direction."
Sheppard: "Then you're gonna have to do better than that."
McKay: "Oh, believe me, no one wants to survive this mission more than I do. Look, we're using up a lot of our power reserves to maintain this speed. We're not gonna have a lot left over to fight with."
Sheppard: "We're going this fast to avoid fighting."
McKay: "Theoretically."
Sheppard: "Just... keep working."

Sheppard: "You're a genius, Rodney."
McKay: "True, but I didn't do it."


Lucius: "What? You come all this way, you don't even want to do a trade? Look, it doesn't have to be the ship. Forget the ship. I don't even want the ship, okay? You gotta have some other stuff that you wanna trade, right? Okay, like, like... how do you get your hair to go like that?"
John gazes at him silently. Teyla bows her head, hiding a smile.
Sheppard: "Lunch was great, but I just realized we're running late."
McKay: "For what?"
Sheppard: "For that important thing."

Sheppard: "This is creeping me out."
McKay: "Yeah, reminds me of an old Batman episode, actually. Catwoman used a drug to put a spell on Batman, make him fall in love with her. Ended up doing all sorts of evil things for her. Kind of a turn-on, actually. Julie Newmar in the cat outfit--"
Sheppard: "Eartha Kitt was Catwoman."
McKay: "Not till Season three."
Sheppard: "Really?"
McKay: "Yeah. You didn't know that?"

Sheppard: "I would just kidnap Lucius and take him away somewhere until the pheromone wore off, but the people back on his home planet are starting to get sick. It looks like they're gonna get worse before they get better. I don't want to put our people through that."
Beckett: "You're doing it to me right now!"
John glares at him, then punches his shoulder.
Beckett: "Ow!"
Sheppard: "Buck up, Carson! You haven't been exposed that long. Look, I need you to figure out a way how to counteract this thing. There's got to be an antidote of some kind."
Beckett: "I can't."
Sheppard: "Yes, you can. You can beat it."
Beckett: "But he needs me." He bows his head and starts to sob. John stares at him in disbelief.


One of the villagers aims his crossbow and fires at the team. The arrow impacts Rodney's left buttock. Rodney screams and clutches at the arrow. "That did not just happen!"
Sheppard: "Warning fire only!"
John and Teyla fire their P90s over the heads of the villagers while Ronon fires shots from his blaster into the air. As Ronon and Teyla continue to fire, John grabs Rodney and helps him as they turn and run from the village.
Sheppard: "Go!"
The team beats a hasty retreat into the forest. Rodney, his arm draped around John's shoulder as John supports him with an arm around his back, is screaming in pain.
McKay: "Oh my God, it hurts! I can't feel my leg!"
Sheppard: "Is it pain or numbness?"
McKay: "Both!"

McKay: "Have you seen a guy around? He looks like you, but he's got messy hair. I think I lost him somewhere. And... and a... and a pretty girl and a caveman."

Sheppard "McKay got through the gate all right?"
Weir: "He is going to be fine."

Sheppard: "Can you pick up a signal?"
McKay: "Oh, of course. If it sounds like it might be impossible, you look at me."

McKay: "You know, you really don't appreciate the simple things in life... like sitting."
Sheppard: "I don't envy you. It must be a real pain in the ass."
McKay: "Oh. How long did you work on that?"
Sheppard: "Longer than I care to admit."

Sheppard: "Look, Teyla. I'm not really good at, uh... actually, I'm... I'm terrible at expressing... I don't know what you'd call it, uh..."
Teyla: "Feelings?"
Sheppard: "Yeah, sure, okay. The point is, I don't really have good, uh..."
Teyla: "Social skills."
Sheppard: "Well, that is why I enjoyed flying choppers in the most remote part of my world... before all this craziness happened. But, uh, you should know, I don't have, uh..."
Teyla: "Friends?"
Sheppard: "No. I have friends. You, Elizabeth (he smiles), Ronon, Carson, even Rodney, are the closest thing I have to a..."
Teyla: "A family?"
Sheppard: "I'd do anything... for any one of you. If I had to give up my life the way Ronon was going to... I would."
Teyla: "Thank you. For everything you... meant to say."

McKay: "What is going on down there? You have at least twenty-five Wraith closing in on your position from ground level."
Sheppard: "It seems Ronon doesn't want to leave."
McKay: "Well, too bad! You tell that ungrateful example of unevolved humanity that we came all this way to rescue him, so he'd better get off his a..."
Sheppard (to Ronon): "McKay says he's very hurt you won't come with us."

Sheppard: "Yeah, I got six. Teyla got--"
Teyla: "Eight."
Sheppard: "I got nine, Teyla got eight, Ronon got the rest."

Dex: "You kill him before I do, I kill you."
Sheppard: "What if he kills you first?"
Dex: "Then you kill him."
Sheppard: "Got it."

Dex: "Which one of you killed the Wraith?"
Beckett: "That would be me."
McKay: "My idea."
Teyla: "Ronon."
Beckett: "What? Don't tell me you're not happy that he's dead."
Sheppard: "I had him in my sights, but Ronon said he'd kill me if I shot him."
McKay: "It was all Beckett's idea."
Ronon grabs Carson's jacket with both hands and pulls him towards him, then wraps his arms around him and hugs him. "Thanks, Doc."
McKay: "What, him you thank?"
Sheppard: "I could have killed him at any time, but Teyla wouldn't let me."
Dex: "Thank you. All of you."
McKay: "Oh, don't mention it."
Sheppard: "It's nothing, really. I only killed eleven, twelve Wraith."

Sheppard: "Who's flying the ship?"
McKay: "Me."
John tilts his head at him.
McKay: "Oh."


Sheppard: "Wouldn't be surprised. They don't seem very Ancienty to me."
McKay: "Ancienty?"
Sheppard: "Yes, That's the word I was looking for."

Niam: "Oberoth can be intractable."
Sheppard: "Not exactly the word I was looking for."
McKay: "Un-Ancienty?"
Sheppard: "Not that word either."

Sheppard: "Go."
McKay: "No, no, no, no! I can't let you do this, not without tossing a coin or something! It doesn't seem right!"
Sheppard: "I appreciate the offer, Rodney. Now, get out of here."

Weir: "I just had a horrible thought."
Teyla: "What if it is still happening?"
Weir: "Yes."
McKay: "There's gotta be a way to know for sure." He walks over to where John is sitting. Hesitating for a moment, he reaches out a finger and pokes John hard in the side of the head. John frowns, then slaps Rodney's leg.
McKay:" Doesn't really prove anything."

The Rodney - John Give me an accurate number discussion! HILARIOUS!

The Real World

McKay: "What?"
Beckett: "What?"
McKay: "Well, it's that look. That's the same look I get when I have a brilliant idea."
Sheppard: "How would you know how you looked?"
McKay: "'Cause it's happened more than once in front of a mirror, okay?"

Common Ground

Rodney looks pissed when he has to watch John's torture.

McKay: "All right, people, let's do this one by the numbers. We get in. We get our man. We get out. Stay sharp and stay alive."
Carson: "What are you on about?"
McKay: "Oh, just things that Sheppard would say, so I thought I would --"
Teyla: "Well said, Rodney."
Dex: "Just stay behind me."
McKay: "Right."

Sheppard: "You think you're gonna make it?"
Todd: "If I feed."
Sheppard: "Well, don't look at me."

Todd: "You are more like Wraith than you know."
Sheppard: "I'm not sure I like the sound of that."

McKay: "None of us are saying what we're all thinking here." That John is dead.
Weir: "No, Rodney, we're not."

Wraith: "Sheppard gave me back my life. I merely repaid the debt."
McKay: "What debt? Are you kidding?! I mean, he looks younger than he did before!"

Sheppard: "Thanks for showing up!"
Rodney makes faint protesting noises as John walks away.

Sheppard got a Wraith brother. HEY!

McKay and Mrs. Miller

McKay: "She's married and she's my sister."
Sheppard: "I'm just saying hi."
McKay: "Yeah. No, I know exactly what you're doing. I've seen that look before, Kirk."

Sheppard: "Hey, Meredith!"
McKay: "Oh, wonderful."

Sheppard: "Two McKays are better than one."
McKay: "There aren't two McKays! There's one McKay -- and him."
Sheppard: "Whatever you say... Meredith."

Sheppard: "Hey, sleepyhead!"
McKay: "Yeah. Hi."

Rodney confides his feelings about his sister to Sheppard. He shows Jeannie in secret that her brother is a better man than she thinks and that he loves her.


Sheppard: "Is there any other way to dial? And don't say no if there is any possibility because I am not in the mood for your usual impossible heroics game."
McKay: "I wouldn't do that."
John glares at him.

McKay: "You shot me!"
Sheppard: "Yes, Rodney, I shot you, and I said I was sorry."
Dex: "You shot me too."
Sheppard: "I'm sorry for shooting everyone! Just... the Daedalus will be here in a little while. Just get some rest."
McKay: "I can't believe you shot me!"
Sheppard: "Get some sleep, Rodney!"

The Return Part 1

McKay: "Did you really get pizza for everyone? Because it would be a shame for that to go waste if we're going to--" John glares at him, disbelieving.
McKay: "Yeah, okay. So solve this first, and then--" He walks away.

Sheppard: "Never thought I'd miss Rodney McKay being a member of my team."
Landry: "Well, chemistry doesn't happen overnight."

McKay: "I hate it here."
Sheppard: "How's that possible?"
McKay: "It's true."
Sheppard: "They gave you everything you wanted, your own lab..."
McKay: "Yeah, it's too big."
Sheppard: "...well, hand-picked assistants..."
McKay: "Yeah, sycophants, every one of them."
Sheppard: "...even your own choice of projects."
McKay: "Well, that's not true."
Sheppard: "Well, other than going back to Atlantis."
McKay: "You know, the truth is, I--"
Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "Okay, I don't-- I don't wanna use the term lonely, but, uh, there are certain people who... I miss."
Sheppard: "Me?"
McKay: "You?! You, I'm talking to on the phone right now and having dinner with tomorrow, so not so much, but other people, people who I may never see again. Like even Elizabeth. She hasn't returned any of my calls."
Sheppard: "I know what you mean."
McKay: "Hey. At least you still get to go offworld with a team of your own."
Sheppard: "Oh, yeah, the best and the brightest(!) All right. See you tomorrow night."
McKay: "Yeah, wouldn't miss it. Hey, you know, I--"
John reaches out and switches the phone off.
McKay: "Yeah."

The Return Part 2

Sheppard: "And by impossible you mean..."
McKay: "I mean not possible. What do you think I mean?"

Weir: "Remember the plan?"
McKay: "Of course I remember the plan. It's my plan."
Sheppard: "Uh, actually, using Niam was Elizabeth's plan."
Weir: "Thank you."
McKay: "It's mostly my plan. It's my freezing program."

John smacks Rodney round the head.

Sheppard: "We may have to go to plan B."
Beckett: "Okay. Which one was that again?"
John looks at Rodney, clueless. Rodney looks back, clueless, too.
Sheppard: Never mind. Just go."

McKay: "Well, I did win a Sears Drama Festival award when I was a kid. Could've made it a career if I wanted to."
Sheppard: "Wish you would've."
McKay: "What?"


McKay: "Hey. How long have you been standing there?"
Sheppard: "Hour or so."
McKay: "What?! Why didn't you say anything? I feel like a... Oh. It's the kidding."

Sheppard: "The pain's going away. Think my hearing's getting better too. What about you?"
Rodney continues working, apparently unable to hear him.
Sheppard: "Rodney?"
Rodney carries on working.
Sheppard: "Canadian Football League's a joke."
Rodney carries on working.
Sheppard: "Celine Dion is overrated."
Rodney carries on working.
Sheppard: "Zelenka is smarter than you are!"
McKay: "Hey! I found mention of a biolab in the database! Ancient scientists used it to study animal life. We should check it out!"
Sheppard: "Okay... Meredith."

Rodney lifts his fist to give a signal. John pushes the fist down.

Weir: "How's he doing?"
Sheppard: "I don't know. He's taking a while, a lot longer than he usually takes."
McKay: "He can hear you, you know."
Sheppard: "Yeah, we know."

McKay: "I, too, am able to sense trouble on the horizon."
Sheppard: "Just like a pigeon."

Sheppard: "I think we have a plan."
McKay: "We do?"

The "This is the sun and this is us" discussion.

McKay: "It's over."
Sheppard: "And we're not toast."
McKay: "We're not toast."
Sheppard: "Good plan, huh?"


Sheppard: "Well, he's made a lot of mistakes in the past, but who hasn't?"
McKay: "Why are you looking at me?"

Kolya: "Which one of them shall we kill first? I'm leaning toward Dr. McKay, myself, Colonel?"
Sheppard: "Kolya, this is Sheppard. I'm coming back." (Oh, dear. He loves his science geek very much indeed.)

Kolya: "I should've killed you when we first met, Colonel. It would have saved me a lot of trouble."
Sheppard: "The feeling's mutual."

Sheppard shoots Kolya.

Tao of Rodney

McKay: "Who knows what kind of long term effects I could be in for. I mean, there's gross mutation, giantism, invisibility?"
Sheppard: "That would be cool. I turned into a bug."

Weir: "What are the chances it could make him more pleasant?"
McKay: "Oh, thank you."
Sheppard: "I'll keep an eye on him."
Weir: "Thank you." She smiles at John.

John is trying to help Rodney to meditate.

McKay: "Look, thank you for all your help. I think in the grand scheme of things, we're-- We're good, aren't we?"
Sheppard: "Of course."
McKay: "Right. If it's not too much trouble, I'd like you to read my eulogy."
Sheppard: "I refuse to discuss that."

Weir: "Rodney, you're a good person. Know that we love you."
McKay: "You love me? Really? All of you?"
Sheppard: "In a way a friend feels about another friend."
McKay: "You're just saying that because I'm gonna die. Oh, God. I can't believe I'm gonna die."
Sheppard: "All right, just back to the blue skies."

The Game

McKay: "We're gonna stick to chess from now on."
Sheppard: "As long as Rodney doesn't cheat."
McKay: "Oh, please, like I need to cheat playing you?"
Weir: "Okay, I'll leave you to it then."
McKay: "Ha."
Sheppard: "Ha. Checkmate."
McKay: "What? - Oh, no-no-no-no-no. What happened there?"
Sheppard: "What happened there is I just kicked your ass."
McKay: "No, no, I was distracted. She was, uh... Okay we're going again. Best of 10."

The Ark

Sheppard: "Rodney!"
McKay: "You said you wanted to take a closer look at that shuttle."
Sheppard: "I did not!"
McKay: "Ah, well, you were thinking it."

Sheppard to McKay: "Dial up the sensitivity a notch, all right?"

McKay: "I was pretty sure you were dead!"
Sheppard: "Yeah, well, same here."

Sheppard: "Think of a brilliant plan, Rodney. That's what you do best. Using as little oxygen as possible."
McKay: "Should I just repeat everything I just told you?"

Dex: "I'm not good at this."
Sheppard: "What?"
Dex: "Waiting to die."
Sheppard: "Don't think about it."
Dex: "I don't like small spaces."
Sheppard: "It could be worse."
Dex: "Personally, I'd rather die fighting."
Sheppard: "I'd rather not die."
Dex: "I'm just saying."
Sheppard: "Okay, look. If this rock burns up in the atmosphere, I'll fight you to the death myself. Deal?"
Dex: "You're on."

McKay: "I figure it'll be nice if we were all together as we burn up."
Sheppard: "McKay."
McKay: "I'm sorry. I mean, as we get rescued. I always get those two confused."

Sheppard: "All right, let's do it."
McKay: "Just-- Can I say one more thing?"
Sheppard: "As long as you say it as fast as you can."
McKay: "Don't do this. It's impossible."
Sheppard: "Willing to bet a week's wages on that?"
McKay: "Yeah, how are you gonna pay up if I win, huh?"
Sheppard: "Thanks for caring."
McKay: "Yeah."

McKay: "The moon's decelerating in the upper atmosphere. You've only got a few minutes to familiarize yourself with those controls."
Sheppard: "Pretty straightforward."
McKay: "We're gonna lose radio contact as you pass through the atmosphere."
Sheppard: "I know, Rodney."
McKay: "I'm saying that if you have anything that you'd like to say, now would be a good time to say..."
Sheppard: "No, not really."

Sheppard: "That's one week's pay you owe me, Rodney."
McKay: "Technically, I didn't take that bet."

Teyla: "He tried to save his people and he succeeded through you."
Sheppard: "That's not the reason I did it."
Teyla: "I know."
Sheppard: "Don't go feeling special, now"
Sheppard: "I'd have done it for any one of you."
Teyla: "Of course."
Sheppard: "Except for maybe McKay."
Teyla: "Yes, I think even for Rodney."
Sheppard: "Maybe."


John and Ronon train together. The fun!

Sheppard: "Are you dating anyone?"
Dex: "You mean like a woman?"
Sheppard: "Or a man?"


McKay: "You should be able to traverse the distance between here and the cruiser."
Sheppard: "You mean we."
McKay: "Yes, of course. We."

Sheppard: "Just think of it as a walk on the beach. A beach that's about to explode."
McKay: "That's supposed to make me feel better?!"
Sheppard: "No, it's supposed to make you walk faster. We're on a clock here."

Sheppard: "Can you figure it out?"
McKay: "Yes, well, command codes are usually quite simple like the number one or the letter A like, in Wraith, which would be--"
Sheppard: "Can you figure out the code or not?"
McKay: "No! Not if I stood here and tried for a million years, and we have... just under a million years less than that."

McKay: "Hey. Just be thankful she didn't feed on you before she entered the command code."
Sheppard: "That's why you didn't wanna be bait."
McKay: "No, no, no, no. You had to be bait because she was expecting you to be the one who's gonna try to fly the ship."
Sheppard thinks hard about that answer.


John calls Rodney Jet Li.

Ronon hits McKay in training. John feels for him. Aw.

Dex: "So, what? They're trying to create more Wraith?"
Sheppard: "That doesn't make any more sense. If they wanted to create more Wraith, wouldn't it be easier to get a male and female to, you know, get a room?"
McKay: "It doesn't work that way with the Wraith, alright? At least, we don't think it does. We're not entirely sure as to the Wraiths' reproductive methods."
Sheppard: "I don't wanna be around to watch that film."

Ronon calls Sheppard John. (Is this the first time?)

Sheppard: "Alien. The movie Alien. They use the airshafts moving aroud the ship."
McKay: "And then they systematically kill the entire crew, one by one. Thanks for bringing that up."
Sheppard: "It didn't kill them all."

McKay: "Oh, my God."
Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "I am reading a ton of life signs near you."
Sheppard: "Well, define ton, and define near."

First Strike

McKay: "We're in trouble."
Sheppard: "It took you five minutes to figure that out? You're slipping, buddy."

Sheppard: "Shouldn't you guys be bickering or something?"
McKay: "Ah, we've got nothing to bicker about. He's run out of bad ideas. Finally."
Zelenka: "If we survive this, I'm putting in for a transfer."
McKay: "Oh, please. We both know that you've done your best work under me."
Zelenka: "Under you?! I'm my own department head, you know."
McKay: "Please! We both know that department is a joke."
Zelenka: "What?!"
Sheppard: "Why don't you two guys just make out and get it over with, huh?"

Sheppard: "Well, I guess it's show time."
McKay: "You sure you can do this?"
Sheppard: "Fly the city?"
McKay: "What else could I possible talking about?"
Sheppard: "I flew a V-22 Osprey once."
McKay: "Was it as big as the city?"
Sheppard: "You had to use your hands and feet. With this one you just have to sit down and think: Fly."

Sheppard: "It's not working."
McKay: "What are you doing wrong?"
Sheppard: "Sure, blame me. We don't have enough power."
McKay: "Oh, sure, blame me."

2. Season

The Siege Part 3

Rodney thinks Sheppard is dead. He looks devastated.

Sheppard is alive. Rodney almost cries.

Rodney talks nonstop. Over the radio Sheppard calls him "Rodney" and he stopped talking.

Sheppard: "Weren't you supposed to be getting some sleep, Rodney?"

John has a wild idea and Rodney agrees with him.

Sheppard to Caldwell: "I'd learned to trust Rodney about these things."

Alone together on the balcony.
Rodney: "It's almost pretty, isn't it?"
Sheppard: "Almost, but not quite."

The Intruder

McKay: "Major Sheppard was right -- that's too much of a coincidence."
Caldwell: "You mean Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard."
McKay: "Uh, right. That's gonna take some getting used to."

Sheppard and Hermiod. Hilarious.
Sheppard: "How's it going, Rodney?"
McKay: "It's going to take a while."
John looks at Hermiod suspiciously.
McKay: "Don't stare. He hates it when people stare."
Sheppard: "Am I the only one who thinks it's strange we're working with an alien?"
McKay: "Intergalactic hyperdrive technology's kind of new to us, so we need his help."
Sheppard: "Is he supposed to be naked like that?"
McKay and Lindstrom leave the room. John looks round at Hermiod again, who scowls back at him. John turns and leaves the room. Hermiod mutters angrily to himself in Asgard.

McKay: "It's thinking ahead; anticipating our moves, like in a chess match."
Sheppard: "Well, I hope you're good at chess."
McKay: "I don't get to play much -- it's tough finding challenging opponents."

Sheppard: "You'll have to beam us in."
McKay: "Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Wait a minute. The Asgard beam wasn't designed to beam from one point to another point inside a ship. We could end up re-materializing half inside a wall."
Sheppard: "Well, we're just gonna have to take that chance."
McKay: "Right. Of course. Why not?" As John steps next to him, Rodney scrunches himself down to make himself as small as possible, pulling his arms and shoulders as tight into his body as he can and bending at the knees. John looks at him in disbelief.

McKay: "We should really, really be dead right now."
Sheppard: "I don't feel dead."

McKay: "You know, I've never actually been inside one of these before today. It's a little, uh, cramped, huh?"
Sheppard: "Just relax, Rodney. We're safe ... for the moment."
McKay: "Right. Quick question, though, just out of curiosity. How much, uh, air do these things carry?"
Sheppard: "Lots."
McKay: "Uh, I'm just saying, because if this doesn't work, we'll have to go over the whole plan and who knows how long we could get stuck in here, and, and, so it-it-it would..."
Sheppard: "You know what, Rodney? You're exactly right -- it's a limited supply, so why don't we conserve it by you not talking? At all."
Rodney pouts.

Sheppard and Rodney are going on a ride.

Sheppard: "You did great back there, Rodney. Wanna take the stick?"
McKay: "Really?!"
Sheppard: "No."
Rodney's face falls.


McKay: "What's going on?"
Sheppard: "Thanks for coming, Rodney."
McKay: "What? I was right in the middle of a..."
Weir: "P3M-736. We found a dead Wraith, maybe killed by Ford."
Sheppard: "He could still be there."
McKay: "Whoa, wait a second. 736? The U.V. index there during the day is something like a thousand."
Sheppard: "Bring your sunscreen. Be ready in ten minutes."
McKay: "What?! I wanna get Ford back just as much as everyone else, but do you see my complexion?"
Teyla: "Yes."
McKay: "Yes, it's very fair! Extremely fair. This isn't fair!"

Caldwell: "Colonel!"
Sheppard: "Colonel."
Caldwell: "Something urgent?"
Sheppard: "We think we have a lead on Ford."
Caldwell: "So I heard."
Sheppard: "That was fast."
Caldwell: "Base protocol dictates all senior officers be notified of situations Code Orange and above."
Sheppard: "How does that go again? Red, Orange, Blue or the other way around? You mind if we go over that again when I get back?"
Caldwell: "Colonel!"
Sheppard: "You don't have to remind me of our respective positions or that you outrank me, sir."

Sheppard: "Life-signs detector is useless."
McKay: "I told you so."
Sheppard: Just preserving your streak of being right, officially."

Sheppard: "How come it smells like I'm on vacation?"
McKay: "Mmm, could it be the simulated tropical aroma of cocoa butter?"
Sheppard: "Strong enough for anyone within five miles to smell you."
McKay: "Like they haven't been tipped off by the Aqua Velva?"
Sheppard: "It's dark."
McKay: "Yeah, and the sun will be up in two hours, forty three minutes and ... ten seconds."
Sheppard: "It's raining!"
McKay: "So we'll be cold and miserable. Look, the cloud cover will depreciate a small percentage of U.V. rays, but ninety-five percent of deadly is still deadly."
Lorne: "Doctor Parrish said a day or two of exposure wasn't gonna kill us."
McKay: "Oh yes, and Doctor Parrish has a PhD in what? Right -- botany!"
Sheppard: "Teyla, you're with me; Kaufman, take Billick; Reed, you and Sherman cover the Gate; and Major, you've got McKay."
Lorne: "Oh, lucky me!"

Sheppard: "What the hell are you doing?!"
Teyla: "Getting my hand free."
Sheppard: "Doesn't feel that way."

Lorne: "Wow, you must really be some kind of genius."
McKay: "Well, as a matter of fact, I, um ... wait a minute. See, why would you say that now?"
Lorne: "Something has to have kept Colonel Sheppard from shooting you all this time."

Ford: "Anything else happen since I've been gone?"
McKay: "Uh, Major Sheppard got promoted to Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard."

Ford: "I'm talking about Major Sheppard and Teyla."
McKay: "Lieutenant Colonel Sheppard."

Sheppard: "All right, for what it's worth... I'd never send you in there if I thought the guy was gonna hurt you."
Beckett: "Is that opinion based on some sort of evidence, or is it just a gut feeling that this gentleman isn't dangerous?"
Sheppard: "I didn't say he wasn't dangerous. He could probably kill you in the blink of an eye. I don't think he will."
Beckett: "Well thank you, I feel much better now."
Sheppard: "You ever heard of Androcles and the Lion?"
Beckett: "Aye, and who are you in this retelling? The Romans?"
Sheppard: "I'll be right up there."


Zelenka: "Colonel!"
Just then, sparks fly from the interface. Radek jumps up in terror, grabbing at Carson and then looking around the field nervously.
Sheppard: "First time offworld?"
Zelenka: "Yes."
Sheppard: "Well, if there were any more Wraith, they would have attacked us by now."
Zelenka: "Really?"
Sheppard: "If it makes you feel better."

Zelenka: "You have to decide which one we're going to beam out."
Beckett: "It's a terrible choice to have to make."
Sheppard: "It's easy. Beam out McKay."

McKay: "I'm not crazy, I just have another consciousness in my brain."
Sheppard: "So he just looks crazy."

GYM. Ronon paces around the gym. Three marines are squaring up to attack him. Another lies on the floor in pain, having clearly already been taken down by him. John has his elbow on the shoulder of a mannequin nearby, watching. With very little effort, Ronon knocks down one of the marines, then takes out the other two simultaneously.
Sheppard: "Alright. Let's try that again."
Soldier: "How about you try that again... sir?"
Sheppard: "Maybe that's enough for today."

Sheppard: "You're up late."
McKay: "Mmm. I couldn't sleep -- I was, uh, trying to clear my head."
Sheppard: "I, uh, hear the transformer test didn't go so well."
McKay: "Well, you heard right."
Sheppard: "Uh, listen. I wanted you to know that I gave the command to take the Dart down."
McKay: "Well, much as I'd like to pretend that this is remotely your fault, the thought of what would've happened if you hadn't shot the Dart down is, uh..."
Sheppard: "So, we're cool?"
McKay: "No, you're cool, I'm fine."
Sheppard: "You should get some sleep."
Cadman's voice: "I could actually use some rest, Rodney."
McKay (pointing to his head): "She says she's tired."
Sheppard: "Goodnight."

Sheppard: "Hold on, Rodney. I thought all the mice died?"
McKay: "Well, what are we, mice or men?"
Weir: "Are you sure about this?"
McKay: "Absolutely. Yes."

Sheppard: "Lieutenant, way to survive what I think may be my worst nightmare."
Cadman: "Thank you, sir!"
McKay: "Yes, thank you!"
John smirks at him.

Sheppard and Ronon. FUN.

Sheppard is very concerned for Rodney's welfare.

Sheppard looks pissed when he sees Rodney kissing Beckett. Interesting.


Ronon has strolled over to the fire and bends down to the pot over it. He lifts up the wooden spoon in the pot.
McKay: "What are you-- Oh, my God, he's tasting it. You don't know what that is -- that could be their laundry."
Ronon: "Pretty good."
McKay: "Oh, yes, good idea. And when you're finished with their porridge, why don't we try their beds, hmm?"
Ronon: "Want some?"
McKay: "How good is it?"
Sheppard: "Leave it be, Goldilocks."

Magistrate: "Where do you come from?"
Sheppard: "Until recently, uh, Atlantis."
Magistrate: "The ancestral city."
Sheppard: "Yeah. Unfortunately it was destroyed by the Wraith a short time ago."
Magistrate: "How tragic."
Sheppard: "Yeah, we're pretty broken up about it."

Sheppard: "There is, however, the minor moral hiccup of their form of capital punishment."
Weir: "I'm sorry?"
McKay: "They have an island, it's their own version of Alcatraz where they send their worst criminals."
Sheppard: "And the Gate is on the island, so..."
Weir: "So the Wraith feed on the prisoners."
Sheppard: "Yep."
Weir: "Talk about cruel and unusual punishment."
McKay: "I prefer lethal injection, although I do have a certain fondness for the electric chair. Call me romantic."
Ronon: "The Wraith get what they want, and the Olesians get left alone. Surprised it works."
Sheppard: "He did, however, say that only the most violent criminals get sent there, and that it has been this way for hundreds of years."
Teyla: "Do you kill all your violent criminals on Earth?"
McKay: "Certain countries, yes."
Sheppard: "Do we need to get into this right now?"
Weir: "We do if we plan on doing business with these people."

Sheppard: "Now listen to me. When you get free, you get us free, and we all get out of here. Let them find out we're gone after we're gone."
Ronon: "You expect me to let them get away with this?"
Sheppard: "The operative words are “get away”."
Ronon: "After I kill them."
Sheppard: "That type of thinking will get us killed."
Ronon: "Well, if you'd returned fire..."
Sheppard: "The weapons systems were damaged."
Ronon: "If you say so."
Sheppard: "I do say so, and right now I'm saying knock it off."
Ronon: "Is that an order, Sheppard?"
Sheppard: "I am beat up, tied up, and couldn't order a pizza right now if I wanted to. But if you need it to be, yeah -- it's an order."
Ronon: "Okay."

Teyla: "Will you help us?"
Eldon: "If you'll help me."
Sheppard: "How?"
Eldon: "Fix the ship. Let me leave with you."
McKay: "Oh, for God's sake! How many times do I have to tell you..."
Eldon: "I know you can do it. I could see it in your eyes when you were working that you were holding something back from us."
Sheppard: "Rodney?"
McKay: "Nobody could fix it. I don't care who you think I am, or what you think you saw in my eyes, but it is totally, completely impossible."
Eldon: "Torrell and his men are gonna return soon."
Sheppard: "He'll fix it."
McKay: "I just said I couldn't!"
Sheppard: "You really suck at lying, Rodney. We have a deal."
McKay: "There is one slight possibility."
Sheppard: "See?!"
McKay: "I won't actually be able to fix the ship to fly out of here but I may be able to cobble together enough power from secondary systems to activate the D.H.D. That way we can dial the Gate and leave on foot. And when I say “might”, I mean probably not. It's a long shot at best. I'd have to bypass the main power distribution..."
Sheppard: "Get us outta here."

Ronon: "Give me one reason why I shouldn't cut your throat."
Sheppard: "For one, it would make a mess."

Sheppard: "This is way too easy. All right, stay close and stay quiet."
McKay: "What?! Why does he say that to me?!"

Ronon: "I was beginning to think you were afraid to fight."
Sheppard: "No, I'm just naturally lazy, but I will if I have to... and it's starting to look like we have to. How much time do you need to rework the D.H.D.?"
McKay: "Well, in a perfect world, two days."
Sheppard: "Rodney?"
McKay: "Right now, uh, ten minutes, give or take."

Sheppard: "How's it coming, Rodney?"
McKay: "Slower than I expected, but faster than humanly possible."
Sheppard: "Any chance of getting the cloaking generator powered up too? Could really come in handy right about now."
McKay: "OK, and how about a snack? Maybe you'd like me to make you a nice sandwich?"
Sheppard: "Only if it's humanly possible."
McKay: "It will be a miracle if I get the D.H.D. back online, let alone the cloaking generator. Even if I can manage that, the power will be intermittent at best."
Sheppard: "OK, well, F.Y.I., the Wraith have all gone, so it's just a matter of time before Torrell and his boys return, with all of our weapons."
McKay: "I get it!"
Sheppard: "Good!"

Sheppard: "As soon as you get the D.H.D. back online, dial the Gate and make a run for it. When you get back to Atlantis, start working on those sandwiches. We'll be right behind you."

Taking cover in the bushes, Teyla picks up a thin branch from the ground and snaps it across her knee to make two fighting sticks. John, copying the idea, picks up another branch and slams it down onto his knee, only to wince and hobble when it's too thick to break.

Sheppard: "We'll dial you another address, you can go through, but we're not taking you home." - "If you wanna stay, stay. I really don't give a damn, but you are not coming home with us."


McKay: "Well, the sticking point is that there's no tie between the power generator and the primary capacitor."
Zelenka: "Meaning they would have to channel the power directly into the weapon."
McKay: "Which I'm sure means nothing to you."
Sheppard: "It means they can fire multiple bursts without having to store up more power for the next firing sequence."
McKay: "Yes. Very good."
Sheppard: "Which leads me back to 'cool'."
McKay: "Hmm."

John comes to the door of his quarters to find Rodney standing outside.
McKay: "Can I come in?"
Sheppard: "No."

Rodney uses John's trust in him and his influence on Elizabeth to convince Elizabeth.

John carries heavy things just for Rodney.

McKay: "I appreciate your support, Colonel, but, uh, don't worry -- I try and make it a habit not to make the same mistake twice."
Sheppard: "That was a joke, right?"
McKay: "No. I offer you my personal assurance that a surge like the one that happened before is inconceivable."
Sheppard: "I'm gonna run some power-up simulations first."
McKay: "How about I carry out my plan and you keep the hot coffee coming? Joking, again, right?"

Weir: "I cannot afford to lose either one of you. Now, tell me, can you do this?"
McKay: "Yes."
Sheppard: "Are you sure?"
McKay: "Yes."
Sheppard: "Are you sure you're sure?"
McKay: "I said yes!"
Sheppard: "Because if you're wrong..."
McKay: "I'm not!"
Sheppard: "We'll call you back after the test. How does that sound?"
Weir: "You'd better."
McKay (to Sheppard): "I won't let you down."

McKay: "You need to avoid flying predictably to prevent the weapon from locking onto us."
Sheppard: "I know what I'm doing."
McKay: "I'm just saying -- be sure not to fly in a straight line."
Sheppard: "Rodney, shut up!" (Rodney tells Mr. Straight-line how to fly. That really made my day.)

McKay: "Oh, Colonel! Colonel! I've been looking all over for you."
Sheppard: "I heard."
McKay: "I suppose I deserve that. Look, I just, um, I wanted to apologise about what happened. I was wrong -- I'm sorry. And I wanted to assure you that, uh, I intend not being right again -- about everything, effective immediately. --- That was a joke."
Sheppard: "Good one."
McKay: "I've already apologised to Elizabeth ... and Radek ... and I thanked Colonel Caldwell for, uh, caring enough to spy on the experiment from orbit. I sent him a nice little email, actually. But I saved you till last because, um, honestly, I would... I would hate to think that recent events might have permanently dimmed your faith in my abilities, or your trust. At the very least, I hope I can earn that back."
Sheppard: "That may take a while."
McKay: "I see."
Sheppard: "But, I'm sure you can do it, if you really really try."
(Woah! For the first time Rodney addresses John with his new rank directly.)


Rodney argues with a kid. John smiles, amused.

Dex: "We'll kill it before that happens."
Sheppard: "You must be great at parties."

McKay: "We're talking about a hundred square miles of forest, here."
Sheppard: "Be patient. Ronon's been going up against the Wraith, one-on-one, for the last seven years. If anyone can track this thing, it's him."
McKay: "And exactly how is he going to do that, huh?"
Ronon: [from a distance] "It helps to have good hearing."
McKay: "Right!"
Sheppard smacks the back of McKay's head.
McKay: "Carry on!"

Sheppard: "All right, let's go. McKay, stay here and help Beckett."
McKay: "Ah, medical research, not really my thing."
Sheppard: "And hunting Wraith?"
McKay: "Uh, I mean I can stay... and... help... Beckett."


Sheppard drops his stick on the floor, grabs Teyla's face with both hands and lays one hell of a kiss on her. It takes a second or two, but Teyla breaks his hold. They're both breathing hard, but from their expressions, it's pretty clear neither knows what to make of his behavior. A weeks later when he's back to normal he apologizes to Teyla for his uncharacteristic behavior. She accepts gladly, rolling her eyes behind his back. I knew then that this ship is going nowhere. If Teyla have had any romantic feelings for Sheppard she would have reacted differently.


Sheppard: "A warship?"
McKay: "Aw, see, look at his eyes, all lighting up again. It's Pavlovian."

Sheppard: "Any way to figure out what they're saying?"
McKay: "Yes, of course, it says right here: Why is the smart one having to stop and answer so many questions?!"

Sheppard: "Are you sure this is such a good idea?"
McKay: "What's the matter, Colonel? Don't trust me?"
Sheppard: "No."
McKay: "Fine!"

Teyla: "But is it safe?"
McKay: "Would I be volunteering to go if it wasn't?"
Ronon: "No."
Sheppard: "Which is exactly what makes it safe enough for me to go."
McKay: "What?"
Sheppard: "Better to have you on the outside in case something goes wrong."
McKay: "It won't!"
Sheppard: "But if it does..."
McKay: "It won't! How many times do I have to say that?!"
Teyla: "Rodney. Between the two of you, if something were to go wrong, which would be the greater loss?"
McKay: "Well, I've never thought of it that way but... Hey, she's right. You should go."
John looks at Teyla, who looks back at him, keeping her face completely straight. Ronon turns away, possibly to hide a smile.

McKay: "If that works for you. Now, I should be able to monitor your E.E.G. patterns, so in the highly unlikely event that something anomalous should present itself, I should be able to, uh, disconnect you manually."
Sheppard: "Good."
McKay: "Without permanent brain damage."
Sheppard: "Rodney?"
McKay: "Well, the opportunity to speak to a living Ancient is worth the risk, hmm? Now, when I close the lid, the pod system should activate. Ready?"
Sheppard: "I was!"
McKay: "Good!"

McKay: "You see, the thing is, Colonel Sheppard and I have sort of gotten into this habit of saving each other's lives, and it's my turn. It could be your turn next. Look, hit this to manually disconnect me. If I do not regain consciousness, go ahead and open Colonel Sheppard's pod. Have us beamed directly to Daedalus, and make sure they have a medical team waiting."
Teyla: "Are you sure you wanna do this?"
McKay: "I'm sure I don't. Okay. All right. There's more than enough air in there. Right. Course there is. Crew's been sealed inside these things for thousands of years."
Teyla: "Are you alright?"
McKay: "Yeah, it's just my claustrophobia. I'll be fine -- I hope. Now -- the system should engage once you send me in."

VIRTUAL AURORA. BRIG. John, lying on the metal bench in his cell, wakes up as the door to the Brig opens and a familiar voice can be heard.
McKay: "Where are you taking me? I told you, I'm with Colonel Sheppard. I'm a member of his team. Colonel John Sheppard. He's about, he's about so high, uh, uh, uh, brown hair, a bit mussed, the term is rakish... oh, for..."
Sheppard: "McKay?!"
McKay: "What are you doing in there?!"
Sheppard: "I was about to ask you the same thing."
McKay: "I came to help you."
Sheppard: "I feel better already."

Sheppard: "That's her!"
McKay: "That's the Wraith?"
Sheppard: "Yeah."
McKay: "Wow! She's hot! I mean, seriously hot!"
Sheppard: "Rodney, you're drooling over a Wraith!"
McKay: "I know. I disgust myself sometimes."

McKay: "Even if she doesn't have all the information she needs, we need to stop her from sending what she's learned so far to the Wraith ships that are on the way."
Sheppard: "There are Wraith ships on the way?!"
McKay: "I-I'm sure I mentioned that."
Sheppard: "No, you didn't."
McKay: "Well, it...it-it-it threw me when she was so hot!"
Sheppard: "How many ships?"
McKay: "It's two cruisers."
Sheppard: "Can you disconnect her?"
McKay: "Him. Not from the inside, no. I should be able to disable the pod interface from the outside."
Sheppard: "Then why didn't you?"
McKay: "Because I didn't know what that would do to you."
Sheppard: "Well, that's very thoughtful of you, but now she knows all about Atlantis."
McKay: "You told her?! Why?"
Sheppard: "Because I was trying to convince them that... Just go and unplug the Wraith while I talk to the Captain."
McKay: "The communiqué is blank!"
Sheppard: "Yeah, but he might still have some intel about the Wraith weakness. Now, Rodney, is there anything else you'd like to tell me?"
Rodney thinks about it.
McKay: "Only that Caldwell is probably gonna destroy the ship at any moment."
John stares at him for a moment.
Sheppard: "Go!"
McKay: "Going."

Lost Boys

McKay: "This is ridiculous."
Sheppard: "Well, keep complaining about it and we may get there faster."
McKay: "Well, couldn't we have met these people on a tropical beach planet populated by tall blonde women, hmm?"
Teyla: "Whoever wants to speak with us obviously values their privacy."
McKay: "Yes, well I value my time, and this is a waste of it."
Sheppard: "What's a waste of time is listening to you, Rodney."

Sheppard: "Well, that's not good."
McKay: "That is the understatement of the year."
Sheppard: "All right. See what you can do."

Sheppard: "How are you guys feeling?"
Ronon: "I didn't eat that much. I feel fine."
Teyla: "Perhaps if we were able to fast, they would be unable to administer the enzyme."
Sheppard: "I doubt that. I don't think they would have a problem forcing us."
McKay: "This thing is useless, and I ate my face off and I can tell you, I can feel it working."
Sheppard: "There's a good possibility that everything you're feeling right now might be psychosomatic."
McKay: "Oh, is that right, Professor Science? Is that your expert opinion?"
Sheppard: "Yes, it is."
McKay: "Well, I can tell you, when they up the dosage, the side effects will be very real and very unpredictable."

Ford: "Jace has been trying to get it working, but he's not you, McKay. Can you fix it?"
McKay: "No, probably not."
Sheppard: "That usually means yes."
McKay: "Aren't you the one not taking the enzyme? You're supposed to be the clear voice of reason here."
Ford: "Look, can you fix it?"
McKay: "Even if I could, I wouldn't. I'm sorry, drug me all you want, I'm not doing this."
Sheppard: "Let me talk to him. He'll come around."
Ford: "Okay."
John catches up to Rodney a little way into a green field.
Sheppard: "Rodney."
McKay: "Look, maybe you are on the enzyme. Maybe Ford lied, because no rational person would think that was a good plan."
Sheppard: "Look, a million things can go wrong, I know that, but just... look, stop! Shut up and listen. You fix that Dart, we all get outta here. I know it's risky but Ford's not thinkin' straight. So..."
McKay: "What are you talking about?"
Sheppard: "I'll insist you're all on the away team. I'll scoop you up and instead of flying out to the hive ship, we fly out to Atlantis."
McKay: "How?"
Sheppard: "That Dart's gotta have its own D.H.D., right?"
McKay: "Of course."
Sheppard: "Well, then, get that thing fly-worthy, we all go home!"
McKay: "Right, of course. Now, you see, I would have thought of that myself before I became a drug addict."
Sheppard: "I'm sure you would have."
Rodney puts his hands over his eyes, slumping in anguish.
McKay: "I'm sorry."
Sheppard: "All right."
He pats him comfortingly on the arm.
McKay: "Okay."

Sheppard: "Look, suddenly we need a door open or a computer hacked, McKay should be there to do it. That's why he's on my team in the first place."
Ford: "Is that it?"

Ford: "Get this Dart in the air and come scoop us up. Oh, and the Dart D.H.D. only dials to the planet we're going to and back here -- just in case McKay's life isn't enough to get you to do the right thing."

Teyla: "You all right?"
Sheppard: "We're in a holding cell?"
Teyla: "Yes."
Sheppard: "On a hive ship."
Teyla: "Uh-huh."
Sheppard: "Well, then, no, I'm not doing so good."

The Hive

Neera: "You do not fear them?"
Sheppard: "The Wraith? Naah. Now, clowns, that's another story. Scare the crap out of me."

Neera: "And the clowns?"
Sheppard: "Clowns? Oh, yeah, the clowns. We fight them too. Entire armies spilling out of Volkswagens. We do our best to fight them off... but they keep sending them in."

McKay: "Why aren't you dead?"
Sheppard: "Ah, it's good to see you too, Rodney."
McKay: "No, no, I mean -- well, you know what I mean. Why aren't you -- dead?"

Coup D'Etat

Ladon: "How stupid do you think I am?"
Sheppard: "From what I remember I gave you a pretty good crack on the head last time we met. So I was kind of hoping it made you simple."
Ladon: "No, it didn't. But ever since then I've been plagued with headaches."
Sheppard: "You're just saying that to be nice.

Ladon: "I'll only talk with Weir."
Sheppard: "Do I make you nervous?"
Ladon: "Not at all, major. I'm just not interested in talking to the errand boy."
Sheppard: "That's Lieutenant Colonel Errand Boy to you."

McKay: "You know, I'm not sure that you've sufficiently trained me in actual combat. I-I-I don't know how much use I'd be in a fight-our-way-out kind of scenario."
Sheppard: "Well, I look at it this way: the Genii have tried to kidnap you on numerous occasions to mine that big old brain of yours."
McKay: "Yes."
Sheppard: "Well, if we get into trouble, I'll just trade your life for mine."
McKay: "Oh, funny."
Sheppard: "Don't worry, if you survive, I'll mount some sort of rescue mission ... eventually."

McKay: "See how I almost stunned that guy?"
Sheppard: "I must have missed it."
McKay: "Yeah, but if he was, like, a step to the right, I would've stunned him for sure."
Sheppard: "Good for you."

McKay: "What the hell happened?"
Sheppard: "We got gassed."
McKay: "Are we in some sort of trouble?"
Sheppard: "Was it the gas or the prison cell that was your first clue?"


Rodney flirts with the female lead scientist. John is not amused.

McKay: "Every problem has a military solution in your world, doesn't it?" Rodney snaps at John. John looks perplexed.

Sheppard: "The ship in the hangar. Maybe McKay can fix it."
McKay: "Oh, maybe I can fix it. Place the pressure squarely on my shoulders for a change!"
Sheppard: "Well, I've discovered you're pretty good under the threat of impending death!"
McKay: "I am, actually."

McKay: "And I have, uh, discovered the ship's name. It's the, um, Hippaforalkus."
Sheppard: "The what?!"
McKay: "Yeah, well, it appears to have been named after an Ancient general. Hippaforalkus."
Sheppard: "Well, we're not calling it that!"
McKay: "Oh good, then what about, um..."
Sheppard: "And we're not calling it the Enterprise either."
McKay: "I wasn't gonna say that. But I'd go for my second choice, though, I'd go with, um..."
Sheppard: "How about we name it later?"
McKay: "Fine."

Sheppard: "Yeah, whether or not we live or die is all up to Rodney."
McKay: "This is so unfair."

Sheppard: "How are those engines coming?"
McKay: "I'm not even close."
Sheppard: "Well, then I guess we're all gonna die."
McKay: "Oh, you're doing that on purpose!"
Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "You're creating an impossible task that my ego will force me to overcome."
Sheppard: "Oh, yes, yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. It has nothing at all to do with saving the lives of these people. It's all about you. Now get your ass back to work and fix those damn engines!"
Norina stares at him. He grins at her.
Sheppard: "He'll fix them. Trust me."

Sheppard: "What are you doing?"
McKay: "I have an idea."
Sheppard: "What kind of idea?"
McKay: "Can't talk, busy."
Sheppard: "Just give me a basic..."
McKay: "Not now, please."
Sheppard: "I hate it when he does this."

McKay: "That's the plan."
Sheppard: "That's the plan?"
McKay: "That's the plan!"
Sheppard: "That plan sucks!"
Beckett: "Aye!"

Rodney snatches his hand back from the console with a cry of pain.
Norina: "What?"
McKay: "Oh! I bent my fingernail back. I hate that!"
Norina: "Yes, that can be painful."
McKay: "Yeah, will you look at that?"
Sheppard: "Are you done?!"
McKay: "Almost. Look, does anyone have nail clippers?"
Beckett: "Rodney!"
John smacks Rodney's leg.
McKay: "Ah! Not helping! All right. So... hyperdrive's ready. Inertial dampeners engaged. Shields are up. We're good to go. Whoa!"
Norina: "What?"
McKay: "Got up too fast."

McKay: "I'll take a repair team back to the Orion and get the engines fixed."
Sheppard: "I thought you told Norina you couldn't fix it."
McKay: "It was never a question of whether or not I could fix it; it ..." He turns and sees John's smug expression and trails off in irritation as the others grin.


McKay: "Getting this ship up and running in under a month is a miracle."
Sheppard: "Do we start the beatification now or later?

Weir: "Rodney, if the hive opens up on us, I want Orion's drones."
Sheppard: "Which means we're gonna need the hyperdrive to get in position."
McKay: "Which means we'll need shields, which means you want everything!"
Sheppard: "I like everything! Can we do it or not?"
McKay: "Well, don't get up!"

Sheppard: "Well, it's pointless to get in position if we can't fire."
McKay: "You know, let's talk about it for a really long time. That'll help for sure."
Sheppard: "Rodney's doing everything inhumanly possible to be ready."

Rodney pats John's shoulder, then heads off. John looks down at his shoulder and frowns suspiciously.

1. Season


O'Neill: "I said don't touch anything."
Sheppard: "I...I...just sat down."

Sheppard: "When can you tell me where the Wraith took Colonel Sumner and the others?"
McKay: "Even with the six symbols Lieutenant Ford provided there are still hundreds of permutations ..."
Sheppard: "Seven hundred and twenty."
McKay: "Yes. I knew that of course. I'm just surprised you did."

Ford: "Gateship One ready to go."
Sheppard: "Gateship One?! A little puddlejumper like this?!"
Ford: "It's a ship; it goes through the Gate: Gateship One."
Sheppard: "Oh no, no, no, that's all wrong."
Ford: "Dr McKay thought it was cool."
Sheppard: "Oh, OK. Well, it's official – you don't get to name anything. Ever. -- Flight, this is ...Puddlejumper. We're go for launch."
McKay: "Uh, this is Flight. I thought we were going with Gateship?"
Sheppard: "Negative, Flight."
McKay: "Stand by. (He turns to Weir.) It's a ship; it goes through the Gate, I, I ... Fine – Puddlejumper, you are clear for launch."

Hide and Seek

Weir: "I'm still trying to understand, how you thought it was a good idea to test this device by having someone throw you off a balcony."
McKay: "Oh, believe me that's not the first thing we tried."
Sheppard: "I shot him." -- "In the leg."
McKay: "I'm invulnerable."

Sheppard: "Think we're going to need a bigger vessel."
McKay: "Size doesn't matter."
Sheppard: "That's a myth."

McKay: "It doesn't think on that level. It thinks about eating that's it."
Sheppard: "Well you would know."

Poisoning the Well

Weir: "I agree. Major, have you made any progress with your prisoner?"
Sheppard: "Well, not yet, but he just blinked."
McKay: "He blinked? What does that mean?"
Sheppard: "It means he's still holding on but he's indicated to me that he may break soon."
McKay: "And he indicated this to you by ... blinking?"
Sheppard: "Yes."


McKay: "There – that's it."
Sheppard: "So how easy will it be to put that thing in the other DHD?"
McKay: "The Atlantis DHD is unique – it's not like there'll be an empty slot waiting for us to plug it in."
Weir: "Meaning?"
McKay: "Meaning that there may be some disassembly required."
Ford: "You wanna take the DHD apart?!"
McKay: "I'll put it back together again."
Teyla: "Do you not run the risk of disabling the other Stargate?"
McKay: "Only if I screw up, which is extremely unlikely."
Sheppard: "Eight hundred and four years."
McKay: "What?"
Sheppard: "That's how long it will take us to come get you by Puddlejumper."
McKay: "But you would do that, right?"
Sheppard: "Of course we would."
McKay: "Well, it won't be necessary. However, I may require some assistance."
Weir: "Major?"
Sheppard: "Lieutenant?"
Ford: "Yes, sir."

McKay: "So – are we, uh, ready?"
Sheppard: "What's there to be ready for?"
McKay: "Well, it's a big moment and I thought, we haven't been in contact for some time..."
Sheppard: "Hooray."


McKay: "I know it's getting desperate - almost out of coffee."
Sheppard: "Well...maybe you should stop drinking 11 cups a day."

Tirus: "My daughter Sora."
Sheppard: "You must be very proud."
Tirus: "She's betrothed."
Sheppard: "I wasn't hitting on your daughter... I was just..."

McKay: "Maybe we should offer a sense of humor in trade..."
Sheppard: "Sure... they can have yours."
McKay: "Ah hahaha oh please my side... you slay me."
Sheppard: "I'm thinking about it."

McKay: "You have no idea which way to go do you??"
Sheppard: "Just trying to get my bearings."
McKay: "Translation. I'm lost. They were very clear which route to take."
Sheppard: "I prefer a straight line."
McKay: "Yes of course... cause everything's a Short cut in Sheppard's world." - "Ok... here it is again."
Sheppard: "What?"
McKay: "I'm picking up a strange reading from... right over there."
Sheppard: "Well... define strange..."
McKay: "You don't know what strange means?"
Sheppard: "I know what strange means Rodney..."
McKay: "Weird, freakish, odd — "
Sheppard: "I'm just trying to determine whether it's worth getting off the route back to the village."
McKay: "Pretty accurate reading of the omnish world... your call. We're lost anyway, what difference does it make?"
Sheppard: "I am not lost."

The Storm

Ford: "How could something as big as Atlantis just sink?"
Sheppard: "I'm sure the passengers on the Titanic were asking themselves the same question."

Sheppard: "Well, McKay will come up with something."
McKay: "I will try, but despite what you all may think, I am not Superman."
Sheppard: "Was anyone seriously thinking that?"
Ford: "No, sir."
Zelenka: "Never!"
McKay: "Fine!"

Weir: "The city can handle that?"
McKay: "Yes – theoretically."
Sheppard: "Like dinosaurs turned into birds theoretically, or theory of relativity theoretically?"
McKay: "What?! Uh, sort of between."

McKay: "Elizabeth – you take grounding station two; I'll take grounding station one; Major – you take stations three and four."
Sheppard: "Woah, woah, wait a second – where are stations three and four?"
McKay: "Here, and here." (The two points are at the edge of the city.)
Sheppard: "And we are...?"
McKay: "Here, yes. I need to get done quickly so I can start working on the subroutines, and Elizabeth was complaining about her knee the other day..."
Sheppard: "Wait, wait, wait a second. Are these things even close to a transporter?"
McKay: "Uh, yes, Elizabeth's is."
Sheppard: "And mine?"
McKay: "Uh, it's a brisk walk away."
Sheppard: "And by 'brisk', you mean 'far'."
McKay: "By 'walk', I mean 'run'."
Sheppard: "OK."

Sheppard: "I'm here!"
McKay: "I told you to contact me when you got to the first one, Major."
Sheppard: "I am at the first one, Rodney!"
McKay: "Oh, sorry. I've already done mine."
Sheppard: "That's great! Good for you!"
Weir: "Me too."
Sheppard: "Good for everyone!"
McKay: "Where are you now?"
Sheppard: "I'm at the damn grounding station!"
McKay: "No, no, no, not you."
Weir: "I'm in the transporter."
McKay: "There you are."
Weir: "There I am."
Sheppard: "Glad everybody's having such a good time."

The Eye

Beckett: "What kind of plan is that?"
Sheppard: "A Rodney McKay kind of plan. It's all we got."

The Defiant One

Sheppard: "Ease up on the controls a little."
McKay: "I'm fine."
Sheppard: "You're gonna snap the damn things off. Ease up!"
McKay: "I'm just seeing what this baby can do."
Abrams: "Did you just say “this baby”?!"
McKay: "That's perfectly appropriate space pilot parlance."
Sheppard: "Try to fly the “baby” in a straight line."
McKay: "I am flying in a straight line."
Sheppard: "Not so much."
Sheppard: "Don't let go of the controls!"
McKay: "Snapping doesn't help."
Sheppard: "This is why parents get someone else to teach their kids how to drive."
McKay: "I am both insulted and touched by that."

McKay: "I think you should get back here."
Sheppard: "Negative."
McKay: "There's no point in you being out there."
Sheppard: "He's aboard my ship."
McKay: "What are you, Captain Kirk?!"

Sheppard: "You can drive."
McKay: "Oh, thank you!"

Hot Zone

Teyla: "You have not been practising."
Sheppard: "Yes I have."
Teyla: "If this was really a fight..."
Sheppard: "If this was really a fight, I would have shot you by now."

Teyla: "It is not for the winning that we practise."
Sheppard: "Well, what's the point?"

McKay: "You're only gonna have thirty seconds once you release it before it explodes. You need to get as far away as you can."
Sheppard: "Get as far away from the nuclear explosion as possible – that's good advice, Rodney, thanks!"
McKay: "You're welcome."


Sheppard: "Are you sure you're okay?"
McKay: "How much I hate certain death."
Sheppard: "You're alive."

Sheppard: "Let's just try to stay on our best behavior."
McKay: "I'm always on my best behavior."

McKay: "Oh, please."
Sheppard: "Rodney, best behavior."
McKay: "This is as good as it gets, Major."

McKay: "We should be keeping an eye on her."
Grodin: "Major Sheppard is."
McKay: "Oh, I'm sure he is."
Grodin: "Not entirely for the reasons you think. Dr. Weir asked him to."
McKay: "I'm sure she did."

Weir: "I asked Major Sheppard to keep an eye on her. (Chaya)
McKay: "Well, which is like asking the fox to guard the hen-house."
Weir: "What?"

Neither Weir nor Teyla are very jealous about John flirting with Chaya; only McKay is pissed from the first moment they met her. He and Sheppard have a serious argument about her. Well...

McKay: "Oh, my God, he is Kirk."

Before I sleep

Sheppard: "Alright, we're done with the living quarters. Moving on."
McKay: "Woah-woah-woah-woah-woah-woah. Before you go. You see anything better than our current quarters?"
Sheppard: "A few. Some of them are pretty nice, actually."
McKay: "Well, what kind of square footage are we talking about?"
Sheppard: "What am I, your realtor, Rodney? We're here to unlock the secrets of Atlantis."
McKay: "Yeah, well, I'm looking for a one-bedroom with a den, preferably with a balcony, but I'm not married to it."

McKay: "What was that?"
Weir: "She said, “It worked.”"
McKay: "What does that mean?"
Sheppard: "I assume something worked."
McKay: "Yes, that's very sharp!"
Sheppard: "Thank you."

Ford: "Is time travel even possible?"
McKay: "Well, according to Einstein's General Theory of Relativity, there's nothing in the laws of physics to prevent it. Extremely difficult to achieve, mind you – you need the technology to manipulate black holes to create wormholes not only through points in space but time."
Sheppard: "Not to mention a really nice DeLorean."
McKay: "Don't even get me started on that movie!"
Sheppard: "I liked that movie!"

McKay: "I died?!"
Alt-Weir: "You never gave up trying, right until the end."
McKay: "Well, a man wonders how he would choose to go out, given such dire circumstances. Now I know."
Alt-Weir: "Trying to save the lives of others."
Sheppard: "But ultimately failing."

McKay: "Well, it's obvious. The Puddlejumper they escaped in must have been some sort of a time machine; had to have an additional component built into it."
Sheppard: "Flux capacitor."

McKay: "Ha! Ah, the bitter taste of ultimate failure, hmm?"
Sheppard: "Well, if you'd just figured out how to fix the damn shield in the first place, none of us would have died."
McKay: "I did everything I could, including valiantly attempting to save your sorry..."
Weir: "Gentlemen. Focus."

The Brotherhood

McKay: "Um... it's fascinating."
Sheppard: "Yes... fascinating."

A woman shows interest in McKay. He doesn't notice without his friends telling him. Sheppard doesn't look happy about it. Well...

McKay: "I'm heading to bed."
Sheppard: "Ah, which bed might that be."
McKay: "Hm... What?"
Ford: "Think the leader might have a little crush on you... doctor."
McKay: "She does?"
Teyla: "It is very clear to us all."
McKay: "It is?"
Sheppard: "To everyone but you apparently."
McKay: "Well should I have um... I mean... are you sure about this."
Sheppard: "Yeah. Pretty sure"
McKay: "What should I do?"
Sheppard: "You don't know what to do?"
McKay: "I know what to do eventually. I mean what should I do now? Should I say something tonight?"
Sheppard: "Tell you what Valentino. Wait til tomorrow... you'll be more on your game after you get some rest."
McKay: "Oh... right. Right... good answer. Good night."

Sheppard tells Rodney not to do anything tonight and Rodney does. Amazing.

The following day McKay talks to the woman and Sheppard comes closer to listen to their conversation.

McKay: "So who wants to go first? Seems like more of a Sheppard thing."

Sheppard: "Give me the gun. I'll shoot him (McKay) myself."

McKay: "I'm sorry."
Sheppard: "I'm not dead yet."
McKay: "Yeah, sorry."

Sheppard passed the Mensa test and Rodney is surprised and impressed.

McKay: "What the hell just happened!"
Sheppard: "You ok?"
Alina: "Yes, thank you."
Sheppard: "Sorry, Rodney. I had no way of telling you what's coming."
McKay: "My eyes. I need my eyes for seeing."
Sheppard: "Get the ZPM, Rodney."
McKay: "It's a small miracle I can still make out its shape."

Sheppard: "We good?"
McKay: "Yeah, as far as I can see."

Letters from Pegasus

Weir: "Well, we knew they were coming; at least now we know when."
Sheppard: "That's something."
McKay: "That's something."
Sheppard: "It means there's still time, Rodney – there's no reason to panic ... yet."

McKay: "It's really a long shot, but I think it's, uh, most likely worth the effort. Of course, it will mostly be my effort, so..."
Sheppard: "What is it?"

The Gift

Sheppard: "All I'm saying is, let's not give up – just yet."
McKay: "Now what was that we were supposed to all remember? It was something important ... uh, oh yes, that's right – the Alamo!"
Sheppard tries not to smile.

Ford: "Sir, there's nothing here."
Sheppard: "I know."
Ford: "Well, it's dark. Shouldn't we be getting back?"
Sheppard: "Give her a minute."
Ford: "Sir ..."
Sheppard: "Ford, I need her to put this behind her; get some sleep – we all do, so whatever it takes."

Sheppard: "Rodney?"
McKay: "I've got something here."
Ford: "Really?"
McKay: "I dunno. I've got a little..."
Ford: "You've got a little what? Hey, McKay, you've got a little what?!"
John turns and shoots him a look.
Ford: "What? Oh, it's OK when you guys make fun of me!"
Sheppard: "Rodney?"

Sheppard: "You're saying Teyla's part-Wraith?!"
Beckett: "A very small part."
Weir: "Which makes her about as different from us as you, because of the Ancient gene you possess."
McKay: "Well, and some other things!"

Beckett: "They do – but they're still much closer to the bug creature that attacked Major Sheppard than to us."
Sheppard: "Hey! I thought we weren't gonna mention that any more."
Beckett: "Sorry."

The Siege Part 1

Sheppard: "What about M1K-439?"
Ford: "Which one's that?"
Sheppard: "The one with all the waterfalls."
Ford: "The waterfalls. See, now, why don't we just call it Planet Waterfall? What? I say we should just give them names!"

The Siege Part 2

Sheppard: "It's beginning to sound like a plan."
Colonel Everett: "I'm glad you approve."

Colonel Everett: "And Major! This is the last time I give you an order twice."
Sheppard: "Understood."

Beckett: "I'm serious. Major Sheppard's your man."
McKay: "Of course he is."

Sheppard: "So long, Rodney." He runs out to gon on a suicide mission.
McKay: "There's gotta be a way to - Major!"

McKay to Weir: "You let Sheppard fly that jumper?"