Lost in the Woods - 6/7
Author: Daniela
Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis
Pairing: McShep
Rating: PG13
Category: Romance, Humor, Mystery
Series/Sequel: No
Summary: One day they get literally lost.
Warning: Slash, M/M, Spoiler for Season 1
Disclaimer: No one of Stargate: Atlantis belongs to me.
Least of all Major John Sheppard. Damn.
Feedback: Yes, please. Every word opens a new gate.
Email: daniforblue@yahoo.de
Released: August 2008
Revised: May 2023
Beta: Susan
Word Count: 2695
Even though John was relieved of going on missions the routine in Atlantis wore him down just as much. Feeling already itchy the unusual heat in the conference room did his deed, and he shifted in his seat to keep himself from scratching nonstop. Hence, he was barely able to follow Elizabeth's instructions, and he dreaded someone of his team might notice his discomfort. Thus, his attention turned to Rodney McKay, and lingered with the scientist staring at his desktop with eyes appearing dull, almost lifeless, licking his lips constantly. Sweet...passionate lips, made to be kissed... blue... What the hell? John tore his eyes away. What's wrong now? Since when...
"Major?" Elizabeth interrupted his thoughts, giving him a nod. "Have you been following my report?"
"Ah... well... no," he said, and shrugged caught red-handed.
"You don't look well. Are you still having trouble sleeping?"
"Yeah, sure." He noted McKay's curious look and the immediate drop of his gaze. Hey! McKay just blushed. I wonder if he....
"Let's postpone this meeting until tomorrow. Get some rest, Major," Elizabeth advised. "You too, Rodney. You barely said a word all morning. Do you have trouble sleeping as well?"
"As if!" Rodney fidgeted. "I just... work too much." His face turned crimson.
"I see." Elizabeth waved them outside. "Get some rest, both of you."
John obeyed but waited for Rodney, who stayed behind speaking to Elizabeth. When he was finished and came out, he was looking deeply annoyed, but also tired. "What is it, Major?"
A flash hit John. McKay... down on the ground... naked... panting and squirming... his blue eyes blazing with desire....
"Major?" Rodney flew into his face.
"Are you dreaming?" he barked in return, his nerves on edge.
"No." Rodney frowned and took a step back.
"No weird dreams about the forest?"
"I said no," Rodney repeated, licking his lips.
No... please no... Major... oh god... John... oh yes...yes... John grabbed his arm. "Let's go to bed."
"What?!" Rodney flinched.
John dropped Rodney's arm. "Not together, McKay. Jesus!"
"Sure," Rodney exhaled throatily.
John turned and fled, was sprinting to his quarters, but not to get needed sleep. First, he was driven to take care of a particular itch. ...John... oh John... the whisper of his name egging him on. Tasty seed on his tongue... hot skin... pressure and release... kisses... lingering steamy kisses... raspy sounds... wooden-rooted scents... His cock twitched. I need to fuck. He stroked his hard-on desperately, imagining an eager Rodney underneath him, taking him in inch by inch, squealing bluntly. Holy crap! He fired off in a blast yet didn't feel any better afterwards even though his crotch was drenched in lewdness. The incredible neediness remained anyway. He groaned in despair. I can't go on living like this. I don't want to.
That night he started hearing noises, soft scraping noises. He jumped out of bed and searched his quarters frantically, but found nothing, not even a tiny spider. Even so he stayed awake until he collapsed from exhaustion. In the morning, his arms and legs were covered in scratches.
Rodney suffered in his own way. He couldn't stop thinking about food. He was eating all the time; looking for food and wolving it down was his main activity. Everything he found ended up in his stomach, and therefore he couldn't work. Besides that, diverse types of green scared the hell out of him. When they served spinach in the lunchroom, he freaked, running off, screaming at the top of his lungs, leaving the witnesses trembling in shock.
People started to talk about the weird behavior of the two role models. What would happen if two of the most important men in Atlantis had gone mad? What then? The gossip floated to Elizabeth, and she was quick off the mark. It was time to take steps and have a go at the different approach. She called John and Rodney to her office and ordered them to get counseling from Dr. Heightmeyer.
"I won't do it!" Rodney declined. "It's stupid. There's nothing wrong with me!"
"Your behavior is irrational," Elizabeth stressed.
"I've always been this way. Eating all the time. Scared of the simplest things."
"Ain't that the truth." John smirked.
"You freaked without reason in the lunchroom," Elizabeth pursued, ignoring their silly bickering. "I think that's enough to reconsider."
Rodney grumbled but stopped arguing.
"And what about you, John?" Elizabeth continued calm and serene. "Are you considering to going to Dr. Heightmeyer?"
"Are you sure that's the right way to unravel this mystery?"
"I think it's necessary because I fear for you." She looked at the slight scratches on the back of his hands. "Do I have to put it more bluntly?"
"No, don't." He sighed. "But going to the shrink... don't you think this will harm my reputation as the ranking officer?"
"Nobody has to know but the three of us and Kate. She's good. She can help you."
"I don't know," John said, torn between hope and shame.
"Don't you think your reputation is in much greater danger from scratching your skin off?" she put the issue into perspective.
"Sure... yeah, point taken." Sensing McKay's astonishment, John stroked over his arms.
"You too, Rodney." She glared at him because his mouth was filled with another chocolate bar. "I'll order you if I have to."
"Okay. Fine," he mumbled, in between munching. "Whatever."
*****
Oddly enough, John dared to spill his private thoughts first. At heart he was relieved Elizabeth had pushed him. His arms and legs were scratched raw. His cock was sore from jerking off. His mind was a hotbed of lewdness and desperation.
"I'm glad you came in." Kate invited him to take a seat.
John nodded and dropped in one of her comfy chairs. "Only because I'm in lack of options."
"Well, regardless, I think you won't regret it." She slid into the chair opposite him and gave him time to feel more comfortable, letting minutes pass in waiting.
John shifted in his seat. "I don't feel like I usually do."
"What is how?"
"Confident. Calm. Content."
"Not right now?"
"Never." He snorted. "At night I... have these freakish dreams which make it impossible to find peace."
"Give me an example."
"Ah... there's grass... trees... me walking... bugs... biting me... giving me a constant itch..." He moved his hands, twitching at his pants.
"How do you feel after you've had one of those dreams?"
Oh crap! He didn't look at her but at his clawed arms. "Uh... disturbed... fearful... confused... restless... horny..." He felt his ears burn. "You know what? I shouldn't have come here. This is too... hard."
"Lust is a normal sensation, Major," Kate soothed him. "Nothing to be ashamed of."
"It's not like that. It's more complicated... I-I can't... I mean... I'm not able to feel... satisfied... ever."
"I see. Does the lust have a particular source?"
"Uh... I don't think so - no." ...oh John...
Kate didn't force him to say more but continued digging elsewhere. "You said you feel fear as well. Fear of what?"
"The bugs."
"What about them?"
"They are everywhere."
"Do you see them?"
"No, but I hear them, and I feel them crawling under my skin. Jeez! I feel them like blazes."
"Is that the reason for your constant scratching?"
"Yeah." He grimaced. "I'm going crazy, right? I know the bugs are not real. It's like in the woods."
"What is?"
"The bugs are just here." He pointed at his head. "Rodney already told me..."
"So you do remember?"
"Some things. Images. Words. Moments."
"That's good. It means that the memories are slowly emerging. In time more memories will come to the surface, and you will be able to deal with the events in the woods. It means the dreams and the scratching will stop eventually."
"I hope so."
"Count on it."
She was right. The dreams turned into flashbacks that pursued him. Confusing images of heat and bugs and Rodney McKay. The cheeky scientist... pinned to the ground... his strapping cock... sucking eagerly... coming with his name on his tongue... and tasty seed... screaming bliss... Impressions, vivid and embarrassing, so John needed time to sort them out and process them, wallowing in them for long needed satisfaction. Hence, he stayed in his quarters, afraid of bumping into Rodney and baring his soul unintentionally.
He couldn't know he wasn't in any danger coming across the man in his dreams walking the corridors of Atlantis.
*****
Since Rodney stayed in his quarters most of the time, too, eating like a maniac. Zelenka tried to get him to work by provoking Rodney, claiming he would fix the current and urgent problems in Atlantis himself. The usual trick didn't work. Rodney scared him off by mumbling confusing stuff about tree devils and nasty wood feeling like skin. Yeah, sure! He was overdue to talk to Kate.
Not only he didn't sit down in her office; but also was he pacing around like a caged animal.
Kate didn't bother telling him to sit down. "Tell me about the trip?"
"The woods?" Rodney snorted. "Well... uh... I don't remember... much."
"What do you remember?"
"It was the strangest trip of my life."
"Strange in what way?"
Come here... that's it... ah... oh yeah... oh Rodney... sweet, sweet Rodney....
"Dr. McKay?" Kate brought him back to reality.
"Uh... sorry. I had... uh... it's nothing." He stopped pacing and licked his lips.
Kate asked her question once more. "Strange in what way?"
"It feels like being to heaven and hell at the same time."
"Anything else?"
"I have these dreams." He flailed his arms. "Plenty of them."
"Do you?" Kate said, sounding not surprised. "What are they about?"
"It's stupid."
"What is?"
"It's always the same dream. Tall trees with green eyes. They keep staring at me."
"How do they make you feel?"
"Hungry."
"Just hungry?"
"...and... uh... excited." He flushed. Damn it.
"I see. And is there more to it?"
"I feel their eyes. Sneaking up to me. I feel stripped to the bone. Dirty. I'm running to the water to clean myself. But the water is dangerous. The fish in there are biting me."
"Did the biting hurt?"
"Not much. It's rather like... love bites." He covered his face with his hands.
Kate gave him a few moments to calm down. "Do those dreams concern Major Sheppard as well?" she continued shooting in the dark. "He was there with you after all."
"No. Never. He's not part of this. I'm looking for food... always looking... but no matter how much I eat I never feel... satisfied..." Rodney dropped into his seat. "Oh god. I feel so empty. And alone." He laughed bitterly. "Lost without any woods around."
"Sometimes it's necessary to lose yourself to find yourself," Kate advised cryptically.
Rodney dug out a chocolate bar from his pocket and took a bite. "In the woods I felt safer than I do now." He swallowed. "Though it was not safe in this cursed place. Not at all."
"But he was there, right?"
"Who?" Rodney munched.
"Major Sheppard."
"He's here, too," Rodney replied, shrugging.
"But he's not close to you. Not as close as you wish he would be. Not as close as in the woods."
"Dear God!" He threw the candy to the ground and jumped up. "I don't want to talk about this anymore."
"Major Sheppard's eyes are green."
"I know." Rodney continued pacing the room in circles. "Hell, do I know!"
*****
Elizabeth entered the infirmary. "I was told you have some news for me, Carson?"
"Aye. I'm finished analyzing the findings and can tell you a great deal." He shuffled through his notes. "The unknown fruit are all comparable to alcohol, and two forms of material were found in the pollen: hallucinogens and pheromones..."
"That sounds alarming..."
"There's more. The pink licorice-shaped fruit is infused with testosterone and the mushrooms are able to stimulate someone's appetite beyond all bearing." He gave her a stern look. "Considering the number of drugs Major Sheppard and Rodney were exposed to, I'm not surprised anymore they are behaving that strangely. The question that remains, what else is in those woods and how did it infect them and what must they to do to beat this?"
Elizabeth sniggered yet stopped in a second. "Sorry, that was inappropriate."
"Never mind. It's a bit funny, isn't it? Our ranking officer and our genius scientist seduced by nature."
She pulled a straight face. "Anything else?"
"The water from Rodney's bottle is no good. It doesn't sate but intensifies thirst."
"No wonder they were in such a bad shape. They could have died in there."
"Aye. They were lucky. Might be they saved each other from going completely mad."
"The testosterone? Did they eat the pink licorice?"
"Only Sheppard. I found a great deal of testosterone in his blood. Fortunately, only slight traces of the other drugs in Rodney's and the major's blood."
"Oh." She looked him straight in the eye. "It seems you may be right."
"Right about what?"
"John... and Rodney, well...." She couldn't say it. The thought of those two doing it in the woods was too inconceivable to imagine.
Carson hid a smile. He knew that Rodney had a thing for the major for ages, and vice versa. Their strange adventure had only released their smoldering feelings. It was about time. In the end, a bad thing had wrought something good.
"Do you think they remember?"
"Not yet. But they will. And then.... who knows."
*****
Indeed, a flood of memories took hold of John and Rodney. Piece by piece, the truth revealed itself, and they couldn't deny it anymore. Certainly, they could continue to avoid each other, and increase the suffering.
John was back to talking, back to therapy. He didn't care anymore if it would ruin his reputation. He wanted to be free of this urge. He needed to feel well again, like himself, even if it meant he must share the most explicit secrets.
"I think this is the bottom line, what has happened," Kate defined matter-of-factly.
"McKay and me - having sex?"
"Is the thought so awful?"
"...ah... uh... no... yes... I don't know," he gave up, shifting und scratching his nose. "It's just... my duty is to protect the people who are under my command not to... take them against their will."
"Maybe Dr. McKay doesn't see it that way."
He snorted. "You have no idea how much I abused my superior force..."
"That's not the point. You can't know how he feels about that until you talk to him."
"By no means! And he doesn't remember anyway."
"Says who?"
"McKay."
"Mmh."
"I knew he was lying," John crowed unexpectedly. For the first time in weeks his skin stopped itching.
"I didn't say that," she corrected carefully.
"No, but I know he is."
"So - will you talk to him?"
"You think that's a good idea?"
"I'm positive." She looked at his scarred neck and chin. "It's necessary."
For sure, then hours later, she had the other man mauling her lovely chair. "You do remember, don't you? You knew for days what had happened to you," Kate confronted him, taking the gloves off.
"I do - and I'm scared."
"Why?"
"It's too much."
"What is?"
"Loving him."
"Well, it could be worse," she deadpanned.
"You think!?"
"Definitely." She stole the chocolate bar from his hand, the third in their short session.
Rodney sobbed.
In the meantime, the man he was scared of loving lay on his soiled bed, stretching his limbs. This must stop. Jerking off like a needy teen. I'm old enough to do what I want with who I want. And I want him, don't I? John snorted. Rodney McKay of all people. I want to fuck him. I want to hear my name from his lips when he comes. I want to be with him. He stroked over his sore arms, belly, and legs. I need to be with him. The scratches had deepened. There's no other choice. Not alone but only together we'll have a chance to find our way back. It's as simple as that. Isn't it?
