Infinite Nature - 4/6
Author: Daniela
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Pairing: John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir
Rating: NC17
Category: Romance, Humor, Smut
Series/Sequel: Dare all Things
Summary: There are times when a woman....
Warning: Adult Fanfiction, Spoiler for Season 1 and 2
Disclaimer: No one of Stargate: Atlantis belongs to me.
Least of all Lt. John Sheppard. Damn.
Feedback: Yes, please. Every word opens a new gate.
Email: daniforblue@yahoo.de
Released: April 2008
Revised: May 2020
Word Count: 4166
Beta: Isha
Even though Carson had confirmed that the bug infection was beaten, and John was safe, Elizabeth didn't want to leave his bedside, but kept watching his handsome but worn-out face. The last traces of the bug virus had vanished. The fear of losing him had done some damage to her strength. Not that she wasn't used to live in fear for his life. But this time the threat had been a real disaster. His dangerous behavior against the city and its people - against her and himself - had brought him close to almost got killed by his own men. It had been her who had ordered Caldwell to stay down to give them time to find a cure. In the end they had succeeded. But it had been close.
Teyla entered the room and walked over to them. "Get some sleep, Elizabeth. He is going to be fine."
"I know." Don't let on he is more to you than a friend. More than enough that Rodney and Carson know about the two of us. "I wanted to be sure." Caldwell already suspects something. What was it he said to me today? 'You two are pretty close, aren't you?' Right. I have to be careful.
"Of course." Teyla put a hand on Elizabeth's shoulder.
"His behavior in the last days was in every respect frightening. He hurt people of this city."
"Indeed. I was one of them," Teyla deadpanned.
Elizabeth startled. "What?"
"Don't worry. He didn't hurt me physically. He just acted silly and embarrassed both of us."
"What did he do?"
"He forced a kiss on me. It was... far from being pleasant."
"Oh." Elizabeth's mouth became dry, her heartbeat fastened. He kissed her. He kissed Teyla.
"Well, he wasn't himself. That's why I will forgive him."
Elizabeth forced herself to a reassuring smile. No, he wasn't himself. He acted like a maniac. But why didn't he try to kiss me instead of her? Why did he try to strangle me? She stumbled to her feet. "You're right. I need to rest. John is going to be fine."
Teyla frowned. "Is something wrong?"
"Not at all," she lied, the smile frozen on her face. "I'm just tired." She hurried out. Though not to rest. Buzzing with excitement she dashed to her quarters. Inside she paced up and down the spacy room. The image of John kissing Teyla tormented her. She tried to calm herself by fiddling with John's gift. The necklace was the loveliest gem anyone had ever given to her. She always kept the unique jewel close. John's insight in her love for this city was a clear demonstration of his feelings. Yet she wondered how long it would take for him to express them in words. Is this the reason why I'm so angry? Because he doesn't say he loves me? Or is it because he kissed Teyla? Because I fear there is more going on between those two? No way, right? Teyla is my friend and she would have told me if anything else had happened. The jealousy I once felt about her is behind me. I know there is nothing going on between John and her. They are just friends. Right. As well as Teyla is my friend. Yet I've never told her about John and me. I feel bad about it, but I can't tell her. I'm the leader. John is the ranking officer. People would start to talk. People would start to question every decision I make. It's better this way. So why am I so mad at him? It was one kiss. He kissed me many times. But it was never such a passionate kiss. Passionate? Teyla never said that. So why I am thinking like this... and why is...
...she running, not knowing where she is? Daylight shines through the high trees. Twigs are slapping her face. She feels her heartbeat throbbing in her ears. Her breathing comes in harsh gasps. Her lungs hurt. Yet she is running faster. She feels that someone chases her. She dares to look back. But there is no one...only trees...green and mysterious...still...she remains scared...and keeps running without reason....running...gasping...hurting....god...I need to stop...what if...
....she woke up, breathless....hot...thirsty. Gosh! She switched the light on and took a sip of water from the glass on her nightstand. Such a strange dream. I haven't had such a dream in a long time. Since I've been a young girl. What does it mean? Why am I feeling this way? What's troubling me? She switched the light off, though she stayed awake until morning light came.
*****
John left the infirmary a few nights later and sneaked into her quarters. They talked about this and that, though not about the one kiss he had shared with another woman. The kiss he'd forced on her. Not about what the virus had done to him and his dangerous behavior towards her. Not about anything concerning the last couple of days. Instead they complimented each other about how lucky they were that everything turned out so well. Again. Eventually they went to bed. But only to sleep. John didn't touch her, nor did she touch him. They were sleeping in one bed, but they didn't make love. If they would catch us right now..., Elizabeth thought, sulking into her pillow.
One week later, they were having a late dinner in the break room, John confessed out of the blue. "Ermh... I think you've already heard when I was infected with the virus I... kissed Teyla. It just happened. I wasn't myself. I'm so sorry."
"Teyla herself told me already. It doesn't matter."
"It doesn't? Come on. Why are you behaving so cold towards me then?"
"Don't you know?"
"Did I break any of your rules?" he grumbled, holding his fork like a weapon.
"I'm fed up with you being distant."
"Distant? I'm closer to you than to anyone."
"Are you?"
"You know I'm not good with talking about feelings."
"Do I?" She took a sip from her water bottle.
"Elizabeth..."
"It's not about you not talking anyway."
"It's not?" he said, forking a piece of meat. "What's wrong then?" He frowned. "Well... because I noticed... you didn't...uh... you know..."
"No, I don't know."
"All you do is work. You hardly ever come to bed at night."
"What's the point?" She continued chewing a native fruit from Larus that looked like an apple but tasted like a banana. Exotic for sure.
He lowered his eyes, moving the food on his plate around. "You flirt with strangers."
Oh. How nice that you noticed. "Look who's talking."
He didn't stop playing with his food. "I already told you that's never serious. It's just..."
"...a game...a way of having fun?" she finished his flimsy excuse. "Well, who decides that only men are allowed to have some fun."
He crashed the fork on the plate. The sound echoed in the empty room.
"What the heck?" She narrowed her eyes. "Pull yourself together."
"Me? What about you? You don't behave like yourself. You behave like..."
"Like what?" She squashed her empty bottle. Crack "Say it."
"DAMMIT!" He pushed his chair back.
It was the rage he had shown in her office, smashing the glass wall. She winced. "Don't."
His eyes grew wide. "Are you afraid of me?"
"You're crossing a line, Colonel! Go back to your duties!"
"Elizabeth." He reached for her hands. His chair toppled over.
She backed away. "Leave!"
"Okay! Fine!" He squared his shoulders and walked out.
Elizabeth swore. She was so mad at him but much worse was the anger at losing control. She dropped back into her chair and buried her face in her hands. I'm being silly. Controlled by my emotions. That's why...
...she is running again. She doesn't know where she is. It is dark. Only the moon is shining. Twigs are slapping her face. Her heartbeat rages like a thunderstorm. Her body feels hot. She looks back and sees a shape chasing her. It looks inhuman. It looks like... a Wraith. She screams in horror and runs faster. A greedy hand touches her back. She stumbles...
...and jerked awake... though she wasn't feeling scared anymore. Oh no. She was horny. She felt the need for a man. She wanted one right now. What's wrong with me? Why am I dripping with need? Since when am I so desperate? She touched her burning face. She needed to get out of here. She needed fresh air to clear her head. Carefully, she slipped out of bed.
John didn't wake up. She looked at him. Here he was. Her man. Her love. Her destiny. The man who shared her bed but nothing more. Like every night he had walked in and slipped under the covers. It was like they had never had a fight at all. They hadn't spoken one word though. She was still mad at him. But not because they had quarreled. Not because he had kissed Teyla. Only because he didn't take her. He didn't even touch her. He treated her like she was made of glass. She didn't want to ask him why. She didn't dare to admit her needs. Foolish. She shook her head and left her quarters.
A few minutes later she stepped out on the balcony. Her balcony. She loved being out here by night. The view was beautifully peaceful and helped her to calm down every time. It made her feel like a young and carefree girl again. She stayed out there for over an hour.
*****
The next morning, Elizabeth, John and his team flew over to pay a visit to the planet of the Larus. The one planet she and John had slept together for the first time. It was a cruel coincidence they came back here right now. The trip had been planned for months. A bitter taste filled Elizabeth's mouth by the memory of this place. The taste of regret and unfulfilled desire. The taste of a loss whose source she couldn't even pinpoint. By rote she did her duties. Greeting the natives, making diplomatic speeches, being the leader. Her second in command was as professional as she.
The Larus were very natural people which were living in peace with the overwhelming nature that surrounded them. Their commitment was literally visible; in their faces and by their activities. Nourishing and fostering the plants, worshiping the sun and the impressive trees was their life's work. Their devotion was seen everywhere and done by everyone without exception. It was somehow sweet and annoying at the same time.
In the late afternoon Elizabeth asked the master's errand boy for a quiet place to be alone for a while.
"Certainly, doyen Weir." The young man with hair like wood wool and a skin like a spruce led her to a small lodge.
"Thank you, Treece." She liked him and thought he was treated too harsh by his master. Should I have a word with him?
The youngster's brown eyes were shining. "Be at peace." He left her alone.
Right. She put her body on the simple bed. Be at peace. She wanted to hold on to that thought. She needed to calm down. She...
...isn't running anymore. She is down on the ground. Her attacker is on top and rips her clothes off. She cries out. He is heavy. He smells after earth and lust. She fights him, though he is too strong. He pins her down and leans in. She looks him in the eyes. She sees pure animal lust. He wants her. He is ready to take her. His eyes are dark and green...
...she jerked awake, panting, and wet with desire. "God, I'm stupid." She was longing for satisfaction, yes, but with one man only. A man she already had many times. The man. How pathetic am I? Why didn't I have fantasies about other men like any woman? She rolled around. I'm desperate to be taken. Desperate to be a woman. Not the leader of Atlantis. Not strong and in control but pure and needy. She sighed and for a few minutes she let herself flow with the sensations of her dream. Be at peace. Be calm. Let go.
As soon as she had her control back, she left the lodge and went to meet with the others. It was close to sundown. As she arrived at the village square of the Larus the first thing she noticed was John, who was smiling at one stunningly pretty girl.
Flirting. He was doing it again. Every pretty woman from every planet was attractive to him. She hated him for this. She hated him for being so handsome. She hated herself for being jealous. She didn't come here to see this. She turned around to leave.
Right then he spotted her. "Hey, I..."
She didn't stop to hear him out. She fled into the night of an alien planet. Into a forest she didn't know a thing about. Into infinite nature.
"Elizabeth! Stop!" he called after her. "There's a storm coming. Don't you remember...?" His warning was given in vain.
Elizabeth ran through the tangle of trees and bushes. Of course, she remembered. She remembered every little detail happening while they had been here the last time. The storm. The game. The love making. Her heart ached with painful longing. Wigs were slapping her face. A root snatched for her right foot.
"Elizabeth! Stop!"
She didn't listen. She didn't want him close to her. She wasn't one of his drooling girls. She wanted to get away. As far away as.... He was coming after her. She heard his ragged breathing. He was hunting her. She ran faster and looked for a place to hide. It was almost dark. The night was coming with light speed on this planet. She only imagined the way to the jumper... through the endless line of trees. One branch hit her face. She gasped in pain but didn't stop. He came closer. She could feel him. He was right behind her. There. He grabbed her sleeve.
"Stop!"
She cried out and stumbled. He held on to her. Together they barged to the ground. A soft mattress of moss and leaves opened to them. A seductive scent of moist earth climbed over their bodies. For seconds their rage was smoothed by the cozy green isle on which they had landed. But only for seconds.
Caged by his body, she looked him in the eyes. They were as green as the trees. A fierce and unsettling green. She shuddered with anger. "Let go of me!" She struggled. "That's an order!"
"No!" He pinned her to the ground. "First you tell me what has come over you."
She kicked and bucked. "Get off me!" She got one hand free and slapped his face. Hard. It made a cracking sound in the stillness of the night.
He took a sharp breath but didn't let go. His face turned into a mask of... not anger but something else... something thrillingly exciting.
Ardent longing pounced on her - so sudden it was a shock. Her skin prickled. Her lips parted. "Let go!"
"No." His grip didn't loosen. Instead he pulled her closer, putting his hands on her ass.
She wrestled with him. "That's not funny."
"No, it isn't." He bent her head back and kissed her fervently.
Though the kiss pleased her in a disturbing way she kept trying to throw him off. She tried to kick him in the balls. Nothing worked. He was too strong, too much a man. She bit his impertinent lips then. He deserved to bleed for making her feel this way. Shameless. Lewd. Wicked.
He groaned but didn't stop kissing her. Rather he deepened the kiss, and the sweet flavor of his blood swept into her mouth, increasing her neediness, her hunger for more. Anger and shame got washed away by pure simple lust. Her body turned against her. Her body agreed to be taken. Her body screamed yes.
"You're mine," he gasped, and buried his face into her hair, sniffing her scent.
"I'm not..." she yet denied, turning her head away.
That didn't make him stop but drove him to rip her shirt open and fondle her breasts. "Forever mine."
His bold move turned her nipples hard and sensitive. She wriggled and rubbed against him. The heat his body gave off let her forget about the coldness of the night. The mossy ground tickling her exposed back inspired her. Oh. She was dripping with need. Please.
He brushed his lips over her overexcited nipples. She gasped soundly. His mouth enclosed one nipple, sucking fiercely. She cried out and bucked against him. Do I want this? Do I want him this way? Here and now?
He was strong and potent. He had control. Oh yes. She was at his mercy. He could do what he wanted to her. The thought thrilled her to the core. A sensation she had never felt and never thought she ever wanted to feel.
He bit down on her nipple.
"Oh! Don't," she pleaded, though she was lying. Sure! She was mad at him and wanted to make him suffer. And this here was crazy. Not right in any way. Yet she wanted him to take her. She wanted him to fuck her without holding back. She wanted the man. The raw animal.
Oh god. Just like an animal he behaved. The man who was otherwise famous to master every situation sucked avidly on her tits. Clawed at her back. Growled dirty things into her ear.
Go faster please. Take me. She whimpered and writhed under him.
He felt for her crotch, tearing her zipper open, rubbing her pussy.
"John..." I need him. I love him. She heard him groan. "You are so wet... this makes me so horny..." He unbuckled his pants and released his hard-on. "You want this, right? You want my cock? You want me to fuck you here and now?"
She couldn't answer. There were things she couldn't say out loud. But she couldn't stop him also. She couldn't stop herself. She craved for his touch.
He didn't force an answer out of her but ripped her slip off. This made her even hotter. Wetter. Once more he touched her pussy, feeling her horniness, feeling her willingness. "I want you," he groaned, his face taut with passion. He rubbed her hot center while his mouth favored her neck and ears with a passionate treat of kisses and licks.
Such a move was as always enough to turn her into a fervid bundle of needs. A hot-blooded woman. "Oh...you...you..." The sounds she made encouraged him in the sweetest ways. His fingers delighted her sensitive spot, his lips made her ears deaf for anything else that might go on around them. She jerked her hips in accord with his treat. Unleashed by fervid feelings she couldn't control, she indulged in his raw taking. He was all she needed. He was all she wanted. Ever wanted. He was ecstasy. She cried out as her first orgasm rushed over her. She grabbed his shoulders, driving her nails into the skin.
He pulled her shaking body closer; holding her while her climax ebbed away. "That's what you wanted, right?" he murmured, positioning himself. "That's what you need. That's what you'll always need." He pushed inside her.
"Yes. Oh yes." She was done denying her needs. I want him. I want him badly...even after all this time... Oh god. At last he fucked her. At last he was inside her. In affinity with her. "Oh John...Johnny..."
"I-I can't... make this last. It's been too long. I need you...want you." He was taking his shaft deeper, giving himself stroke by stroke, letting his defenses down.
Smitten by his longing, she started to move with his rhythm, feeling every inch of him, becoming one with him. "Oh yes...fuck me...fuck me..."
He fulfilled her wish thoroughly. Forgotten was the time when he had barely touched her. Forgotten were all the harsh words between them. Forgotten was the world.
"I want to come inside you...deep inside...please..." His voice broke and he shook in her fierce embrace.
"...yes...come...come for me...I want it all...I want you... you...," she pleaded, licking her lips.
"You got me." He claimed her mouth in a soulful kiss and increased the speed. In sync they were clawing and clutching at each other, sliding and rubbing over the blanket of leaves, melting into a harsh but satisfying rhythm. They merged with the nature around, all flesh and blood, just as full of spirits, bleeding away into the earth. Elizabeth clenched and exhaled. A spike of heat hit her center, sending her flying high above.
"Elizabeth!" he gasped, and shot his seed out, spilling himself into her. Feeling his warmth filling her womb put her over the edge and she came so hard it was almost unbearable. Her screaming was muffled by his insisting mouth. The blackness around started spinning, spinning, until they landed softly on the ground. The thrill of ecstasy was over. Covered in sticky leaves it appeared as if they were glued together. A few minutes ticked by. The cold night flew back, and she realized how shamelessly she had behaved. For heaven's sake. What was I thinking? She tried to push him off, but he stayed put. Still in her, being part of her, he became her second nature.
"Shhh," he soothed her. "Everything's okay." He rested his head on her breasts. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
She covered her face with her left elbow. She didn't dare to look at him. "No."
A few more seconds passed in silence but then he seized her chin and made her look at him. The light in his eyes was as bright as the stars. He kissed her gently. "Don't be shy because of what has happened. It was the hottest thing ever. I love you very much."
"Really?" Her heart was racing. There! He said it. Just like that. She threw her arms around him.
"For sure. If you wouldn't have let me have you, I couldn't have stopped." He slid out of her.
"Oh." She shook her head. "Forcing yourself on a woman, Lt. Colonel?"
He grinned. "Hardly. I say the woman forced herself on me."
"Of course. I'm the boss." She caressed the lips she had bitten.
"Yes, ma'am." He unraveled her tangled up necklace and put it right. "Unfortunately, we have to head back. There's a storm on its way."
"It already passed," she joked, sitting up. "But John, we shouldn't go on having sex without protection. That's just..."
"...stupid." He pulled his pants up. "I'll try to keep it in mind."
Elizabeth searched for her clothes. "My panties...my shirt...everything is ruined. You have to stop doing this as well."
"Sorry." He chuckled. "We'll drop by the jumper so you can change." He was finished getting dressed and swept her onto his arms.
The heck with it! Right now, she didn't even mind he carried her like a child. "Okay." She snuggled into his arms. "You may kiss me some more."
"That's the plan."
She laughed.
"So, we're good again."
"I wasn't mad at you."
"Yeah, right!"
"I was just...unhappy...because...you didn't...you know..."
He raised an eyebrow. "Take you? No, I didn't know...until...well...today. I thought you were scared of me because of what happened when I was infected with the bug virus."
"What are you talking about?"
"I almost killed you that night. After that I didn't dare... I thought keeping my distance is better for both of us."
"No, I wasn't scared of you. I was desperate because you kissed Teyla and not me."
He frowned. "So what? I kissed you plenty more."
"Not in this way."
"What way?"
"Dominant."
"Oh!" A smirk stole to his lips. "It's only the truly powerful that have the luxury to relinquish power." He nipped at her ear. "I think that's not the last time I've forced myself on you."
"Lt. Colonel!" she blurted, feigning outrage.
*****
Not too late, the storm was close to breaking loose, they stumbled back into the village of the Larus.
"There you are," Teyla greeted them. "We were worried."
"We've been here before," John said, shrugging. "We just took a walk."
"Some walk," Ronon huffed. "Your lip is bleeding."
"Uh...is it? Well...I ran into a tree."
"Some tree." Ronon glared at him. "Had it teeth?"
"And fangs?" Teyla pointed at John's face. "Your cheek is blazing red."
John twiddled with the zipper of his jacket. "No man can control the forces of nature."
"Indeed," Elizabeth deadpanned, crossing her arms.
"Doyen Weir!" Treece rushed over to the small group. "The master needs to speak with you. It's about your ship."
"I'm coming, Treece." Elizabeth buzzed off.
"Me too." John chased after her.
"No woman either," Teyla affirmed John's statement as she noticed the leaves sticking to Elizabeth's hair.
"Her hair looks lovely this way." Ronon smirked. "So natural."
