Ianto Mine
Author: Daniela
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Janto
Rating: R
Category: Angst, Romance, Humour
Series/Sequel: Yes
Summary: Intimate Fragments
Warning: Slash, M/M
Disclaimer: I wish they were mine, especially Ianto. I wouldn't mind Gareth as well.
Feedback: Is the button on the top.
Email: daniforblue@yahoo.de
Beta: badly_knitted
Word Count: 12000
Released: November 2010 - February 2016
Fighting the Weevil had been easy. A few bruises and scratches here and there. Nothing to worry about. No, it was Jack Harkness who he had to worry about. He hadn't expected that the leader of Torchwood Cardiff would be this impressive. He hadn't expected that the man would be strikingly handsome. But it wasn't just because of the way he looked. It was way more than that.
"Jones, Ianto Jones," he introduced himself, feeling stupid at once. I'm not bloody James Bond, am I?
"Nice to meet you, Jones, Ianto Jones." Harkness echoed his name like a sentiment, shaking his hand, smiling cryptically. "Captain Jack Harkness."
The dashing smile. The electrifying handshake. "Lucky escape," Ianto implied, looking at the Weevil, only to look anywhere but at Harkness.
"I had it under control."
"You think so? Looked pretty vicious." The aura around Harkness was utterly magnetic, sucking everything and everyone around into him. He noticed the blood on Harkness' neck and reached out to wipe it off. Just like me. "You're, um..."
Harkness flinched back.
"You were bleeding." What are you doing? Focus! Remember why you came here.
"Had worse from shaving."
Ianto looked at the creature on the ground once more. "Looked like a Weevil to me."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Harkness lied cheekily.
Ianto smirked at him.
Harkness' smile faded. "I'll take it from here." He shouldered the Weevil. "Thanks for the assistance."
"Anytime," Ianto granted softly. "By the way, love the coat." What does it matter what he's wearing? What does he matter? Remember the mission. Remember Lisa. Nothing else matters.
Harkness kept walking.
Ianto sighed. The first meeting didn't go as planned. Well. It didn't matter. He knew what he had to do. He knew what he was fighting for. The love of his life.
*****
The daybreak was cold but sunny. Ianto waited patiently until Harkness left the Hub. "Morning." He offered the man a cup of his number one magic. "Coffee?"
Harkness frowned but took a sip. "Wow!"
Ianto hid his satisfaction. He knew how good his coffee was. "I wanna work for you."
"Sorry. No vacancies."
"Look, let me tell you about myself."
"Ianto Jones. Born..." Harkness started walking, while he recited Ianto's personal data.
Ianto followed him eagerly.
"...Girlfriend, Lisa Hallett."
"Deceased," he threw in hastily. No. Not yet. Not if I can help it.
"Sorry."
"Look, you checked me out." He moved in Harkness' way.
"You knew what a Weevil was. Thought I was going to have to come 'deal with you'."
"But instead, you can see I have the right qualification for the job."
"There is no job. We've nothing to do with Torchwood London. I severed all links." He started walking again.
Ianto ran after him, begging, well yes, begging was exactly the proper word for what he was doing. But it was for Lisa. He had to get this job, no matter how; he had to do whatever it took, even making a fool out of himself. He stopped Harkness again. Why do I keep touching this man? Do I have to touch him to make this work? Really? Swiftly, he told his traumatic history, furthermore breathlessly. If his nervousness came from lying in general or Harkness' presence he couldn't say.
Harkness grabbed Ianto's hand and put it off his chest.
Ianto kept pleading, no, begging, to be given a chance, even offering to work for nothing. Don't push it! He'll get suspicious.
The answer was still no. Yet Ianto was touching him. Jack Harkness' lips twitched. A sudden glimmer grazed the stunning eyes. Ianto let go of him. Why is he looking at me like this? Does he know what's going on? Is he playing me? "Same time tomorrow, then."
"There is no job for you here and there never will be." Harkness didn't turn around.
"I really like that coat." Oh, bloody hell, stop it. You sound like you're coming on to him.
Harkness kept on walking.
He had failed again. I'm a bloody idiot, playing this silly charade, ain't I?
*****
The creature was down. The chase was over. They laughed in combined victory. It was a perfect and exhilarating moment, until Ianto made the mistake of looking at Harkness, whose face was only inches away. Not making a sound, Harkness gazed back. Even though Ianto was on top of him, he didn't feel superior, by no means at all. The man's scent was absolutely breathtaking, and for seconds, Ianto lost himself to Harkness' irresistible gravity, falling into him in blissful surrender. ...no...god please...no...
Harkness moved to meet him halfway. Now Ianto felt a good deal more of the other man than he had ever wanted. This is not what I came for...this is not...right....
Harkness licked his lips. He looked like he was going to...
"I should go." Ianto jumped up and walked briskly away.
"Hey!"
He turned half-way around.
"Report for work first thing tomorrow."
He didn't reply but continued walking away.
"Like the suit by the way."
This particular compliment made Ianto march off in pain. Don't look back at him. Dont't you dare to look back. Grinding his teeth, he resisted the urge to head back to soak up the man's magnetic energy once more, until he would burst and die. Stop it! The second, he had left Jack Harkness' sight, he started running and didn't stop until his breath came in harsh, painful gasps. He had never been a runner, but right now he had the feeling he could have kept on running forever, just to get away as far as possible from this man. Jack Harkness was way too dangerous, no, way too attractive.
Completely unsettled, he jumped into the rented car and caught his breath. Yes, he was glad that his plan had finally worked. Harkness had recruited him to work for Torchwood Cardiff. Ianto had found the only possible place to hide Lisa and help her. This was all he had ever wanted. But now something had happened back there which wasn't good at all and he had never seen coming. Harkness had been close to kissing him and Ianto would have let him. Confused, he frowned at his reflection in the rear view mirror. His eyes were as huge as saucers, his face looked flushed and...well... excited. This can't be. I never have...never even have fantasized...not ever... He put his head on the steering wheel and groaned, remembering the lust in those mesmerizing eyes, the full curve of those passionate lips, and the scent, that bloody, magical scent...and the hard-on grinding into him. But it was the moment he had felt himself respond to Harkness' arousal that he had fled. I wasn't disgusted. No, I liked it. I feel drawn to this man. Why? I was never into men. Harkness isn't even my type...ah...well...that's a lie. Poster boy Harkness is certainly everybody's type. The throbbing pain in his groin shamed him even though no one was a witness. Casually, he started rubbing himself, and stopped, startled. Bloody Hell! He started the car and tried to think of disgusting things, forcing his arousal to shrink and die, while the sensation of Harkness´ scent was still haunting him. That's it. It's those bloody pheromones. It's not me. It's something chemical, something I can't control. A little calmer, he pulled the car onto the street and drove home to his flat. He needed to rest. Tomorrow he had to report to Harkness. Tomorrow he had to be calm enough to confront this man again. For at least a couple of months he needed all his strength to resist him. He could do this. He could make this work. For Lisa. As soon as Lisa was turned back, they both would leave Torchwood Cardiff and Jack Harkness behind. Just as simple as that.
*****
All his life Ianto had been sure of who he was and what he wanted. He had wanted to work for Jack Harkness to save Lisa. He loved Lisa so very much and wanted to be with her forever.
He had never wanted to feel drawn to a man like a moth to the light, particularly not to a man like Jack Harkness, a man who would shag anyone remotely good-looking. He had never wanted to fall for a man. Ianto had never felt gay, not with any man ever.
But everything about Jack Harkness made him feel gay. His looks. His voice. His scent. The way he called out for him. "Ianto! Come here!"
Sometimes, he shivered to the bone, hearing that voice, wishing Jack would drag him somewhere and just...just...just what? Ianto groaned. Bloody Hell! I'm pathetic. Lisa would laugh at me. Lisa...my god....
Worse, Harkness knew pretty well the effect he had on him. He had started flirting with Ianto the day he had come to the Hub and had never stopped since. He was testing Ianto every day.
"Are you hot for me, Ianto?"
"No, sir."
"If I order you to kiss me, would you?"
"You are the boss."
Jack smirked. "Ianto, Ianto."
"Sir?"
"If I order you to fuck me, would you?"
"I might," Ianto replied, deadpan, holding his breath steady with so much strength it hurt deeply in his chest.
Jack laughed, impressed. "You are a tease, Ianto Jones, do you know that?"
"Me, sir? Not that I know of."
"Don't you?" Jack lifted his hand and touched Ianto's cheek.
Ianto winced. "Owen and Tosh are coming soon. I have to make more coffee."
"Mm." Gently, Jack thumbed Ianto's cheekbone.
"This is not what I signed up for, sir," Ianto babbled, meaninglessly.
"No?" Jack didn't stop caressing him, moving on to Ianto's left ear. "Didn't you promise to be everything I want you to be? Didn't you promise to serve me however I like?"
Ianto couldn't think of anything witty to say to break the tension. He knew if Jack kept up what he was doing only a few seconds longer he would break into pieces right here and now, obeying completely, no matter what the consequences would be. "Well...sir...I did...but...."
The alarm of the door went off.
Jack dropped his hand and strolled casually away.
Ianto gulped and turned to the coffee machine, keeping his trembling hands busy.
Owen came in and shot him a glare. "Hey."
Ianto nodded. He didn't know what to make of Owen but one thing he was sure of: Owen didn't like him. For whatever reason. But today Owen had accidentally saved him from utter embarrassment. Why do I feel so disappointed then? Why for heaven's sake? Why is this happening to me? Why me of all people? The coffee was ready to be served. Ianto sighed and conquered his feelings. He had to be strong and make it through this. For Lisa.
*****
One day Gwen joined their team. Jack was very fond of her and made a big scene of the welcome ritual. Well, he was a bit of a show-off, wasn't he? Nonchalantly demonstrative, Jack introduced Suzie, Owen and Tosh, and saved him for last. "And this is Ianto Jones. Ianto cleans up after us and gets us everywhere on time."
"I try my best." He showed his most charming smile.
"And he looks good in a suit."
Ianto kept smiling. A casually flirting Jack he could handle any time. It was never serious enough to be a threat. "Careful, that's harassment, sir." He caught a glimpse of Jack's amusement and Gwen's curiosity. He realised that she sensed instantly that there was more to him than just being the tea boy. Clever girl.
Gwen had a comforting warmth and kindness about her, which reminded Ianto of his sister. Jack's affection for her didn't bother him. Maybe Jack would transfer his attention to Gwen and finally leave him alone. He had come way too close in the last weeks, almost finding out that Ianto was hiding Lisa in the basement. That's why he was more than glad about Jack's freshest crush.
*****
Quickly Ianto figured out that Gwen was everything he was not. She talked a lot, showed her feelings at any time, laughed frequently, and won people over easily. He certainly possessed none of those attributes. He was like a ghost keeping to the shadows. He was invisible. That's me. The cliché of a nerd.
Gwen was nosy, too, starting asking questions about Jack soon. "You don't know anything?" she complained one opportune moment at lunch. Jack had just left the table.
Ianto concentrated on chewing his food.
"Not who he is, not where he's from. Nothing, except him being gay," Owen said casually, deliberately testing her.
"No, he's not," Gwen denied without having any knowledge in this matter. "Really, do you think?"
"No," Tosh said. "Owen does, I don't."
"And I don't care." Ianto didn't know why he had just said that. That had been really stupid. Suspicious as well. Gwen glanced briefly at him. Ianto stared at his plate, chewing without tasting anything. Only someone who is gay would say something like that. And I'm not gay, am I? He felt a blush creeping up his neck.
Gwen turned her attention back to Owen and they continued discussing Jack.
"He used to be something big in the CIA. That's what I reckon," Ianto chipped in, showing off a bit himself. Shut up. Just chew your food.
Everybody stared at him. Ianto swallowed. Oh bloody me.
The possessed girl in her cell cried out. Everybody's attention was drawn to the screen of the monitoring camera.
Thank God! Ianto swallowed. Don't do that again. You can't be in the limelight. You can't be part of them.
*****
Ianto had been daydreaming about saving Lisa and living happily ever after with her, when the possessed girl followed by Jack burst in. In the girl's grip was the jar with the distasteful hand. Jack's property. Ianto kept his composure. "Do you need me to do any attacking, sir?"
"Appreciate the offer. Just open the door."
Ianto obeyed but the girl smashed the jar before she ran out. Jack screamed in agony. The team rushed after the girl. Only Ianto stayed with Jack. "I'll fetch another jar, sir."
"Quickly, Ianto." Jack focused on the hand. The hand was moving. It was utterly creepy. Ianto was glad he could leave.
A few minutes later, he was back and helped Jack to put the dripping hand into the jar. "Sorry, it's a bit small." Ianto was careful not to touch the hand himself.
"Don't look so disgusted," Jack scolded softly. "It belonged to the Doctor."
"Mm-mm." Yeah, right, why should I care?
"Let's see if the team needs any assistance."
"Yes, sir." He went for the door.
"Not outside. With the technical equipment."
"Oh." Ianto walked into the tunnel. Jack followed him. "That suit fits you very well."
"Thank you, sir."
Jack chuckled. "No, thank you."
Is he staring at my butt? Ianto quickened his pace. This is more than awkward. This was not in my job description. Hastily he sat down, handling the computer.
Jack stayed close, breathing down his neck.
Ianto's crotch prickled agreeably, while his fingers ran the computer like a maniac, praying for the team to hurry back, to save him from this aching intimacy. Oh Lisa. This is hell!
*****
Ianto enjoyed the times when they were all having pizza at the Hub. He knew he wasn't really a part of the team, but sometimes he just hated to be alone. Only Jack noticed he was a living and breathing human being. Actually even Myfanwy got more attention than he did. But this was necessary. Lisa was more important than making friends. Being a witness to how Jack was all over Gwen when they were shooting for practice didn't bother him. He wasn't in love with Jack. He loved Lisa. So he looked at the monitor the whole time, watching them, noticing how uncomfortable Jack was making Gwen, and felt nothing, nothing at all.
But later, when he tried to get Jack's attention, while he was putting the strange device into the safe, it hurt him a little, that he failed again. Jack only had eyes for Gwen. Well, Gwen had no problem in showing her sorrow, so maybe it was his own fault. This intensified his determination to turn Lisa back as soon as possible. He wanted to leave Torchwood. He wanted to leave Jack Harkness. He needed to leave before it was too late to keep himself from falling for Jack. That was a price too high to pay, even for Lisa. But a price he was more and more willing to pay gladly with every day he was staying at Jack's side. Therefore he let Jack take care of Gwen without the smallest complaint. It was better this way. Safer. Jack Harkness was not meant for him. No. I belong to Lisa. Nothing can change that. Not ever.
*****
He was having the dream again. Lisa smiling. Lisa suffering. Lisa dead. Gasping, he jerked awake, feeling tears on his face. For a second, he didn't know where he was. Darkness smothered him, thick and foggy, making him feel like a little boy, who was trapped in a nightmare that would never end.
A soft but insistent voice shoved him back to reality. "You shouldn't sleep here."
Ianto jumped, almost falling off the sofa, but Jack caught him, holding him firmly by the arm.
Is he naked? Ianto tore his arm free. No, thank God, he's wearing some pants at least. Still Jack's smouldering presence was more than he could bear right now. "Neither should you," he countered in a broken voice, trying to save the last of his dignity.
"Ianto...don't try to fight this alone."
Go away. I can't face anyone right now, certainly not you. He wiped his face. He didn't want Jack to see him crying like a baby. So what? He saw me crying a lot worse losing Lisa. "What do you mean?"
"I'm here for you."
"I don't need you."
"I'm concerned...."
"You weren't concerned when you pointed a gun to my head."
"Really?" Jack growled. "Wasn't I? Why didn't I shoot you dead in an instant then? Why didn't I fire you? You went behind my back and put us all in danger. You betrayed us. I should have killed you."
"Why didn't you? I wish you would have." More tears sprang to his eyes. Shit!
"Come here," Jack whispered harshly, and pulled Ianto towards him.
"You killed Lisa. You shot her in cold blood. You are a monster." Ianto tried to shove him away.
"You already said so, yes, and you may be right." Jack embraced him mercilessly. "But I do care for you. Ever since the day we caught Myfanwy." Jack huddled Ianto's face against his shoulder. "I thought you felt the same."
"I didn't," Ianto sniffed, still struggling.
"Right. You never felt the slightest bit of affection for me, Ianto Jones," Jack teased softly. "And you never will."
Ianto stopped crying but kept his face hidden in Jack's shoulder. He felt warm and safe, which was more than stupid, knowing what sort of man Jack was.
"What am I going to do with you, Ianto Jones, what am I going to do with such a liar?"
"I'm not lying."
"Yes, you are." Casually, Jack fondled the hair on Ianto's neck. "Stubborn Welshman."
"What do you want from me?" Ianto asked, anguished, eyes swimming in tears.
"For now I want you to rest." Jack took him by the hand and led him to the manhole in the floor. "Climb down the ladder."
"But..."
"No buts. You'll sleep down there."
It was the first time that Ianto had entered Jack's sanctuary, the private hideaway, to which nobody else had ever been. The place felt small and damp, but also strangely cosy. "I can't sleep anyway."
"I'll watch over you." Insistently, Jack put him on the bed.
"You can't protect me from nightmares."
"Try me."
Ianto sighed and closed his eyes. He was too exhausted to argue with this man, though, how fascinating he was. Don't forget you hate him. He's a monster. He's no good. Yet Jack's presence was strangely soothing enough to make him fall asleep in minutes.
The nightmare was back. Lisa waved goodbye. He screamed her name and attempted to run after her. But he couldn't move because a strong force was holding him back. He jerked his head around and found himself looking at Jack. "I'm here for you." Jack kissed him gently.
The vision vanished but Ianto was still feeling Jack's lips and realized he was being kissed for real. The kiss had started as a tender caress to heal the soul. Ianto's eager encouragement changed it for good. Returning the kiss with desperate ferocity, releasing feelings he had repressed for such a long time, he turned the endearment hot and passionate himself. For a few seconds everything was good. There was no more fear. The past was forgotten. Only the warmth of Jack mattered. Ianto was finally ready for drifting into uncharted waters.
Jack broke their connection abruptly. "I don't want to molest you."
Ianto, shocked and ashamed by his needs, jerked off the bed, rubbing his swollen lips frantically. "You sick bastard!"
"Relax." Jack stayed put, licking his lips lasciviously. "This wasn't our first kiss."
"That was different. I was hurt. You shared your breath."
"You shouldn't have kissed me back that eagerly."
"I...I didn't." Ianto was dripping with shame. I did, didn't I? "You killed her!"
Jack's eyes narrowed. "Why didn't you leave Torchwood if you hate me that much? After Lisa's death you had no reason to return."
"I need you to leave me alone, Jack Harkness."
"Ianto..."
"Just leave me alone!" Ianto cried out like a wounded animal and fled up the ladder.
Jack didn't follow.
And that was even worse.
*****
Although the hand on his back was trembling; Ianto remained in his place, despite the urge to get as far away as possible. Why was Jack trembling? Did he feel as unsure as Ianto, though, he had much more experience? Could it be that Ianto had hit a nerve by calling him a monster? Could it be he had ruptured the man's shell? And what if? Why did he care anyway? He shrugged and the hand fell off. Ianto convinced himself that he was relieved, even though he felt terribly alone for no reason, because Jack kept standing close. Rashly, Ianto explained what he had found.
"That's unfortunate," Jack concluded gloomily.
Ianto looked at him. "Sir?"
"I saw this before. Call the team in." Jack's expression was dead serious.
Ianto reached out and touched his arm. "Is everything alright?"
Jack shook his head. "No. Nothing is alright. Nothing at all." Gently, he put his hand on Ianto's, nuzzling the heel of Ianto's hand with his thumb.
Ianto gulped and drew his hand back. The skin was prickling. Quickly, he fetched his mobile to call the team. This is going to be another night without having any rest. Well, I can't sleep anyway, can I? So what's the point of having time for resting?
The day turned out to be busy as well. Not that he had a big part in the team's actions. They kept him in the loop. He was an outsider. After what had happened with Lisa more so than ever. He only snatched bits and pieces here and there, but anyhow, when the team finally returned to the Hub, he didn't have to ask if something terrible had happened. Jack's expression said it all. Jack had done something unforgivable. The monster had done it again. The team left for home early without sharing a word with Ianto. Well, no surprise there. They always had treated him like he was a servant in a rich man's house. Well, that was the occupation he had asked for back then, wasn't it? Much too late to start complaining.
Jack fetched a cup of coffee and climbed down to his manhole.
Ianto stayed and watched the news. Eventually, he realised what must have happened today but it didn't shock him nearly as much as Jack's expression. He fetched a blanket and made himself comfortable on the sofa. The thought of going home never crossed his mind.
*****
"Ianto!"
He rushed to Jack like the good obedient boy. That's me. The tea boy.
"Owen and I are going hunting Weevils. Look after the base."
"Yes, sir." See! Jack is not interested in me. I'm useful. That's all.
Jack smirked. "You look strangely flushed. What were you doing?"
Well, he might want me for a quick shag maybe. "Just...cleaning up your desk," he stammered, perplexed by Jack's insight. He had always been good at hiding his feelings, from his family, friends, lovers, and sometimes even from himself. Yeah, and I'm not interested in him, right? Not even one little bit. Strangely, he wasn't able to hide his feelings from Jack anymore. Something between them had definitely changed.
"Keep up whatever you were doing." Jack winked at him.
Staying behind, Ianto felt himself blushing, and more than relieved that he was left all alone. Thoughtfully, he walked back to Jack's office and there he dared to sit down in the boss' chair. Pity, that Jack had taken the coat with him. Ianto loved the coat. Ianto loved to wrap himself up in it, sniffing Jack's scent, rubbing himself off. God, I'm disgusting. He unzipped his pants. So what's there to take instead? He observed the place hastily and discovered something unexpected, lying there, forgotten.
He didn't last a minute. If anybody could see me... "I'm pathetic, bloody pathetic," he scolded himself and pulled his zipper up. Resting in Jack's chair, he fell into a slumber, dreaming about Jack, confident Jack, kissing and touching him everywhere, until Ianto lost all of his control.
"What are you doing here?"
Ianto bolted up.
Jack was standing in front of the desk observing him with glittering eyes.
"Sorry, sir...I just rested for a bit."
"From what?"
"Ah...cleaning up your mess."
"My mess?" He eyeballed Ianto, sparkling with amusement. "It looks like you had fun, though."
Ianto realized he was all rumpled, suit and hair. "Certainly, sir."
"No marks left?" Jack ran his hand over the polished desk.
"Not at all." He hoped from the bottom of his heart that he really hadn't left any marks.
"Pity." Jack gloated.
Ianto cleared his throat. "I-I thought you wanted to go hunting Weevils with Owen?"
"I forgot my gloves." Jack fetched them and froze. "Mmh. They smell...unique. Did you use them in the cleaning process?"
"Uh..."
Gently, Jack brushed his gloves over Ianto's cheek. "I don't mind. Just let me join you...eventually."
Ianto sprinted out. No. Not you. Never.
Yet Jack's exquisite offer was chasing him and he came once more a few minutes later.
*****
The horror of their trip to the country was finally over. They headed back to the Hub. Needless to say that Jack was driving and Owen occupied the other front seat, while Ianto, Tosh and Gwen were sitting in the back, clinging to each other for comfort.
"Why...always...Owen...sitting...front?" Ianto stammered out of the blue, after he had been silent for over an hour.
"What?" Jack glanced back to him.
"I'm hurting...all over," he babbled. "I want to sit up front."
"I gave you enough pain killers," Owen snapped. "Where exactly does it hurt?"
"My balls."
Jack jerked the steering wheel around. The car swerved slightly to the right. Gwen and Tosh screamed. Their nerves were pretty shattered after the incident with the human cannibals. Owen swore loudly. Only a few seconds later, Jack got the control back. He exhaled, disgruntled.
Ianto's head slumped against the back seat. "It hurts," he groaned. "I hurt."
Gwen touched his cheek. "Just try going to sleep, sweetie."
"I can't...," he murmured, "...pain everywhere..."
Jack glared at Owen. "How many pain killers did you give him?"
"A lot," Owen repeated angrily. "Those bastards beat him up badly."
Ianto straightened up and jerked his head at Gwen. "Why are you here? I want to be alone." He chuckled madly. "No. Not alone. Just with...with...oh god...it hurts...I can't think straight...not since that day we caught Myfanwy...not since that bloody day..." His head lolled backwards, his eyes closed.
Gwen felt the pulse on Ianto's neck. "He's fine. Finally fallen asleep."
"What is he talking about?" Tosh asked shyly.
"It must be the drugs," Jack said in a strained voice.
Owen gave a sly smile. "Drugs make you tell the truth. It appears our tea boy needs it pretty good. It seems he hasn't been getting any."
"Shut up!" Jack's anger turned everybody still. Tosh grabbed Ianto's hand and held it tightly. Since he had almost sacrificed himself to save her, she felt extremely close to him. He could have said or done worse things she wouldn't have minded. Owen huffed and gazed out of the window while Gwen observed Jack's stern face. Puzzled, she noticed a shimmer of red on his delicate cheekbones. What was going on? Was it something Ianto had said? What had he meant by the day we caught Myfanwy? She always thought Ianto had only cruel memories concerning the primeval bird. Apparently, she had been wrong.
Ianto started mumbling in his sleep but it was only a slur. Jack pressed his lips together and concentrated on the nighttime street. Gwen closed her eyes and tried to think of Rhys and forget about her own pain. This mess. My own bloody fault. I chose this myself.
*****
Coming out of the darkness, Ianto at first only noticed shadows and murmurs. Panic gripped his heart. Was it the maniacs who had wanted to cut him into pieces and eat him? Had they come back? Even if they had, he wouldn't be able to escape, because he couldn't move a muscle. His body was aching all over. The maniacs had beaten him pretty hard. Was it them shuffling around like death himself?
"...looks bad...don't you think we should..."
"...no...go...I will..."
"...are you sure...well...okay..."
Footsteps. A door was shut. Silence. The voices were gone. Ianto sensed a light was shining somewhere. But he restrained himself from opening his eyes to look around a world as cruel as it had treated him in the last hours. He kept his eyes closed, breathing flatly, hurting for comfort and warmth.
Someone grabbed his belt and opened it.
Ianto bolted up. His eyes shot open. "What?"
"Relax. I only want to make you more comfortable."
It was Jack.
"Why? What?" All that Ianto could think of was Jack's hands on his crotch.
"We brought you back to your flat. You have to rest." Jack pulled Ianto's trousers down.
Ianto flinched. "Don't...."
"I won't hurt you. I need to get your shirt off you as well, it's bloody. You don't want to keep it on, do you?"
"No," Ianto croaked and shivered violently.
"That's my boy," Jack said softly.
Ianto blinked in surprise. Jack had never spoken in such a tone to him.
"Lift your arms."
Ianto did and groaned.
"Almost done." Carefully, Jack pulled Ianto's shirt over his head.
Sweating and close to tears, Ianto leaned into Jack.
"All done. Rest now."
"Okay," Ianto sniffed and turned away. He's my boss. He's bloody Jack Harkness.
"Ianto." Jack's hand fell on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Are you alright?"
Ianto didn't answer while he bit back the tears. He wouldn't allow himself to cry. Not again. He wasn't a bloody wimp.
Jack pulled him by the shoulder, turning him around to look at him. "Are you still in pain?"
Yes. Being so close to you brings me pain. I'm so scared of my feelings for you. So scared of being hot for a man. "No."
"No pain anywhere?" Jack raised a mocking eyebrow.
"I...don't...understand..."
"Don't you?" Jack said lightly, and got rid of his shoes and coat, joining Ianto on the bed, pulling him against his body, spooning.
"Ah...sir," Ianto gasped, "you don't have to..." He tried to shut out the storm of feelings which were brought on by Jack's embrace but of course it was in vain. "This...you...we...."
"Are you hot for me, Ianto?" Jack whispered into his ear. "I asked you that already a couple of times as I remember?"
Touch me down there and you won't have to ask. Never before in his life had he been so horny. How is this possible? I'm beaten. I'm exhausted. I'm broken.
"Ianto, Ianto," Jack murmured, amused.
"Sir?"
"Why didn't you tell the others it was I who kissed you last and not Lisa?"
"I don't..."
"Don't say you don't remember because you do, you certainly do."
"I don't," Ianto denied but only weakly.
"Let's refresh your memory then." Jack turned Ianto's head around and kissed him boldly on the lips.
Ianto froze and pressed his lips together. He wouldn't kiss Jack back, no, he wouldn't. But the sensation of Jack's lips was too much. Naturally, his lips softened, and opened up to Jack's insistent tenderness. Jack's sneaky tongue slipped in, caressing every heated spot inside, licking away all pain and sorrow.
Ianto bent back. "I...I am in no condition..." he stammered stupidly. ....for what? Oh no!
"I'm in charge."
"Ah...sir...don't..." please don't do this.
"Doesn't it hurt here?" His hands went up Ianto's thighs, crossing the line, feeling the pressure underneath the thin fabric of the boxers. "Do you want me to make the pain go away?" His fingers scraped the curve of Ianto's balls, seizing, measuring. "Don't fight so much. I know you want me." He rubbed the bulge beneath the thin fabric, getting an immense response. "I heard your pleading in the car."
"Please...Jack..." Gasping, he bent into Jack's touch, rubbing his ass against Jack's groin, feeling his arousal. "I can't take any more."
"Trust me." Jack spread Ianto's legs further apart, seizing the pleading cock, experienced hands palming lightly up and down. "I will make you feel much better."
"Oh...sir," Ianto moaned and turned in to Jack and the flow of the motions. He didn't feel any more pain. His injuries were forgotten. Just the pleasure in his cock, an unbearable pleasure, consuming his body and his mind. When Jack gifted him with another kiss, a kiss so intense and hot and soothing after all the cruelty a few hours ago, Ianto surrendered in every way. Shame was forgotten, also his fear of being gay, or any other reason he might have had to keep fighting Jack. He returned the kiss with all the desire, he had bottled up for so long, did what he had wanted to do all along. And Jack succeeded easily in making Ianto come, soiling his boxers like a twelve year old. Jack held him tightly until the wave ebbed down, until he was able to think straight again.
"That's my boy," Jack murmured fondly. "Wasn't that good?" He smoothed Ianto's messed up hair. "Didn't I tell you?"
Ianto was not capable of a witty reply. What was there to say? He had let his boss jerk him off and enjoyed every part of it. So, I'm gay after all.
"Now we have to clean you," Jack declared, pulling at Ianto's boxers.
Ianto pushed away from him. "I can do that myself." He stumbled off the bed and to the bathroom.
"Are you sure?"
Ianto heard the smirk in Jack's voice, while he splashed his face with cold water, again and again, yet he still looked like he had a fever. Well, I have, haven't I? A fever called Jack. With trembling hands he fetched a washcloth and cleaned his privates. Heavily ashamed, he walked back to the living room, finding Jack at the kitchen counter, making tea. "Ah...sir...that's not necessary. You're right. I'm feeling better. I can do this myself."
"Are you?" Jack turned around, eyes gleaming with amusement. "Well, you had the best treatment, didn't you?"
Ianto blushed crimson.
"Back to bed it is."
And then what? Sucking? Rimming? He started shaking.
"Come on. You really need to rest." Jack's tone had changed. There wasn't the slightest hint of teasing in it anymore. "That's an order."
Ianto obeyed and slid under the blanket. Without Jack it felt oddly cold. "I'm sorry I'm such a bother..."
Jack brought the tray with tea and sugar. "You will never be a bother to me, Ianto Jones."
Ianto fought another blush. Bloody Hell! I can't work like this. This is pathetic. Quickly, he lifted the cup off the tray, spilling a few drops of tea on the blanket.
"Easy! Don't burn yourself."
Too late. Carefully, he put a few spoonfuls of sugar in the tea.
"That much?"
"I always liked it sweet."
"I can't wait to put you to the test eventually."
There! His blush deepened, and he tried hiding his embarrassment over the hot fumes of the tea, sipping slowly, trying not to think about Jack's lips on his cock.
"You must eat something as well."
"Later."
Jack sat down and patted Ianto's thigh under the blanket. "You need some meat on your bones."
Ianto winced. "You can head back to the Hub, sir. I'm okay."
"Maybe, I don't want to leave you all by yourself."
Ianto focused on the cup of tea.
"Don't you enjoy my company?"
Ianto didn't answer. His heartbeat drummed in his ears.
Jack seized his chin and made him look at him. "Don't you?" His blue eyes were misty.
"No, I do. I do." He swallowed convulsively.
"Good." For a long time, which seemed like eternity to Ianto, Jack looked into his eyes, not blinking once, making Ianto wish he'd kiss him once more, do whatever was on his mind to him, now and forever.
Casually, Jack released Ianto's chin and got to his feet. "I'll go check on the Hub. I'll expect you to come back to work tomorrow at the earliest."
"Uh...ah...okay."
"You don't mind coming back, do you?"
"No, no." Ianto feigned an easy-going attitude. The disappointment about Jack not kissing him once more concerned him strongly and it was hard to breathe evenly, and even harder to hide this silly longing.
"We'll also discuss what's happened, Ianto Jones," Jack said in the flirtiest tone.
Ianto startled. Am I this obvious? Am I this easy? "Sir?"
"See you later." For a second Jack's eyes held on to Ianto's gaze then he turned around and walked out the door.
Ianto absorbed the image of this beautiful man in this gorgeous coat to save it for a rainy day. Finally alone, he sighed and put the cup of tea down. Didn't I hate this man? Didn't I want him dead? Yes, I wanted to hate him for what he did to Lisa, I wanted to see him dead. But in truth I knew that Jack only put Lisa out of her misery. And I knew how dangerously irresistible he was to me from the first second on. I knew what I was getting into and did nothing to prevent it. I'm the one to blame. I'm a bloody fool. He hugged his pillow for comfort, which was of course in no way a substitute for Jack, but through pure exhaustion, whether from the adventure in the country or in this very room, sleep took him mercifully by the hand and led him away from distress and sorrow.
And even if he did dream of a monster it was by no means a nightmare.
*****
The day Ianto came back to the Hub the team welcomed him with a warmth that he hadn't expected. Even Owen behaved. Jack on the other hand just nodded curtly at Ianto, appearing unusually distant. Ianto shrugged it off, and returned to attending to his duties, like making coffee, or cleaning up after the team, plus checking the rusty, unknown devices they were bringing back from their missions. But soon all of that didn't matter anymore because of one particular disturbance: Jack stopped flirting with him.
At first Ianto didn't mind that much, but played along, while holding on to the strange and fuzzy memory of skin and come and hotness. We'll discuss what's happened, Ianto Jones. Just those words he remembered clearly. No more. The rest was quite a blur. He wasn't sure what had really happened between Jack and him, and what was only a fantasy made up by his mind due to the drugs and the exhaustion. By day he managed to pull through, but by night he became extremely restless, his longing for Jack as painful as the worst nightmare. His indifference because of Jack's sudden lack of advances changed into anger. Who does he think he is? Did he just forget about me? That's what I am to him? A boy toy? A fling to keep him from being bored?
Staying the nights at the Hub affected him physically since the place was oozing with Jack. Still he couldn't bring himself to go home to his flat. Being away from Jack was not an option; instead Ianto was absorbing his aura with every single pore, once more wanking off.
Not that it helped much.
One miserable morning he bumped into Tosh. "Good morning."
She smiled awkwardly. "Yeah, hi, Ianto."
She doesn't look good. Is it Owen? Did he say something cruel again? The man is a bloody idiot. He turned away and heard her rush into the tunnel. He sighed. Who am I to be judging other people in personal matters?
Later, still brooding about the mess, which was called his life, drowning in utter desperate longing, he found Tosh sitting all by herself. I can't imagine a time when this isn't everything. The pain's so constant, like my stomach's full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt. "I'm about to brew some of Jack's industrial-strength coffee. Would you like a cup?"
"I'm... I'm fine. Thanks, Ianto."
He showed his usual smile, charming, but always a bit sad as well. Fine? She doesn't look fine. She looks lonely, devastated even. We would make a great couple. The lovesick puppies. He turned away and collected the empty cups.
"Ianto! Where's that coffee magic?" Jack shouted from his office.
"Coming, sir!" Ianto replied politely. Yeah, just coffee, and not me, I'm only good enough for a quick rub off. Hey! You don't even know if that really happened. So you can't complain that Jack didn't fuck you.
The next second he caught Tosh staring at him. Shocked was too simple a word to describe her expression exactly. Completely thrown off the wagon was more appropriate. Ianto frowned. Why is she looking at me like that? Did I say that out loud?
"Ianto!" Jack turned pretty impatient.
"Yes. Yes." Don't act as if you'd mind seeing him. You were waiting all day for him to call you, weren't you? Putting on a dead-pan face he aimed for Jack's office. Coffee magic is on the way, Jack, take your share. He whirled into the room like a spring day, not expecting to see anyone but Jack, certainly not Owen, who was gloating with glee.
"Ah, finally," Jack greeted him smugly. "We need the energy. You never know what is about to come."
Ianto blushed without reason. "Need anything else, sir?"
"Not right now. I'll get back to your offer later," Jack promised in high spirits.
Ianto gulped. "I'll be here." Bloody Hell! Why did I say that? He walked out. Why do I always play along with his games? He made himself busy with mundane stuff to pass the hours. I like the games. That's why. I miss the games so very much. I miss him flirting with me. Actually he was just hanging around, waiting for Jack to keep his promise.
*****
After the mess with the alien girl, it was Ianto who was sitting with Tosh, listening to the whole sad story. She poured her heart out to him, sobbing. He handed her a tissue. He comforted her. I know how you are feeling. Oh boy do I know.
"That's not all. There is something else," Tosh sniffed at last.
He smiled encouragingly. "You can tell me. Whatever it is."
"I read your thoughts, too. I know about you and Jack."
His expression froze. "There is nothing going on between Jack and me."
She blew her nose. "I'm so sorry, Ianto."
"Don't be. It's not your fault. It's mine." Awkwardly, he patted her arm. "Mine alone. Thinking those silly thoughts was my doing."
"But Ianto..."
"Please, I don't wanna talk about it," he urged her, slightly bugged out. "Can we just forget about the whole stupid matter?"
She lowered her eyes. "Of course. I know how it is to..." She broke off, mangling the tissue into a small lump.
Ianto didn't need to be a mind-reader to know who she was thinking about now. "We're good, okay. No harm done. Go home and rest."
She got up and nodded, eyes and face puffy from crying. "Yes, but first I have to talk to Jack."
*****
At night they were all gone. The Hub was silent and gloomy. A time so peaceful and untouched, Ianto, who was lingering on the sofa, imagined the whole world could be like this. If only for a second.
"How are you, Ianto?" Jack startled him from his fairy-tale fantasy.
"Me, sir? I'm fine."
"Tosh said otherwise."
Ianto winced. Bugger! She told Jack. Why for god's sake? "What does Tosh know about my feelings?"
"What does anyone know about the feelings of Ianto Jones, considering the fact that he's an expert in hiding them."
"I'm not hiding anything."
"No? What about you feeling unwell? What about you being unhappy? What about you complaining that I didn't want more of you after our intermezzo in your bed?"
Ianto's jaw dropped. "I did not complain."
Jack grabbed him by the sleeves and pulled him up. "Maybe you are playing this game to make me want you more? Maybe you're doing this to drive me crazy?"
Ianto could feel Jack's breath on his lips. "Nonsense. I'm not doing anything. I just...." The kiss was quick, just a peck on the lips, but Ianto got excited anyway. I'm really pathetic. I'm boiling with anger, ready to knock him unconscious, but only one kiss and I'm done being angry. "...Jack...please don't...I never have...never was..."
"...with a man?" Jack seized his neck. "All the same, Ianto Jones, you would have let me kiss you when you fell on me. You've wanted me since the very first day we met."
"No," he disagreed strongly, childish of course, while his mouth was watering for another kiss.
"Still denying? Really?" Jack smirked. "Time to get serious, I guess." He kissed him again, no longer tame or innocent, and pinned him against the technical stuff. Ianto's pride rebelled for a few seconds, then he surrendered, sucking on the delicious lips, sucking every taste in that was Jack. It's not...men. It's... it's just you. Only you. I don't know what it is, really.
"Since that day I've wanted you, too," Jack whispered huskily, rubbing his body up and down Ianto's, pressing his arousal into Ianto's crotch. "That's why I didn't let you touch me. I immediately sensed our attraction. And so did you."
"Jack..." Surprised he noticed that Jack looked as smitten as he felt. "This is not a good..."
"...place to make out? What about you finally coming into my bed then?"
"That's not what I meant..."
Jack seized the bulge in Ianto's pants. "It does feel that way."
Ianto's nostrils flared, his lips were quivering.
"Say you want me."
"I-I want you," he confessed timidly, eyes fixed on Jack's chest. He did not have the nerve to look into Jack's mesmerizing eyes, but he was done fighting him. He was done fighting himself. He had buried his longing so long it hurt so much he thought he would break apart. And what for? Wasn't life too short to suffer in vain?
"Look at me," Jack ordered softly. "Don't be shy."
Ianto obeyed. Jack's gentle voice took his fears away. "I just don't know...how to do this."
"I know enough for both of us," Jack murmured, and then he dragged Ianto to the mysterious manhole, amazingly able to strip him half-naked on the way down. When the proper suit was gone Ianto was already sporting the most impressive hard-on. Jack grinned. "The tea boy appears eager to deliver." Swiftly, he continued undressing Ianto.
"Oh God, Jack," Ianto croaked, now fully naked and at his mercy.
Jack seized Ianto's full-blown arousal, rubbing the length firmly. "You can always tell me to stop." He bent down to lick over the cock's head, tasting the sweetness, tasting what he'd been dreaming about for quite some time.
Ianto whined, and squirmed in Jack's grip, begging without words. Well, he had never been much of a talker.
"Don't worry. We'll go slow and easy. Plenty of kissing, a few touches here and there, sucking of your exquisite rod, and afterwards, maybe..."
Ianto's cock turned harder still, the shaft was pulsing heavily.
"You like the sound of that, huh?"
Ianto forgot about awkwardness or concern that it could hurt. He wanted Jack so very much, he wanted to be a part of him, be as close as possible to him, be taken and ravished even, if that was what Jack had in mind. "I'm done waiting."
"Such an eager virgin," Jack breathed, sucking Ianto's full length into his mouth.
"Jack...oh Jack...more of this....," Ianto chanted, breathless, jerking his hips up and down. "Oh yes, suck me, sir...."
Jack chuckled fondly. "I knew underneath that neat and proper suit you're one naughty boy...." He fulfilled Ianto's wishes and went for a steady pace, but kept his promise of going slow and easy.
His experience and Ianto's devotion mingled into a perfect combination. Not even once did Ianto need to say stop.
Later, when both men were resting, exhausted but sated, Ianto was not sure what to think or say. Everything had changed. He had slept with a man. And he had loved every second of it. He had never felt so awkward. He had never felt so satisfied. "Jack?"
"Mmh?"
"Are you... are you disappointed?" That was what he feared the most. Nothing else would be worse.
"Not at all, Ianto mine." Jack ruffled Ianto's hair. "I knew you would be as magical as your coffee." Jack pulled him into his arms and rolled on his back, ready to have another go, but something round and cold stopped him. He pulled the object free and raised an enquiring eyebrow. "What's your stopwatch doing here?"
*****
Ianto was freaked out. Only ten minutes to go until Jack would meet him in his office. Jack had accepted his earlier offer as casually as if they'd already been fooling around for ages. Which we didn't! And now Jack expects me to demonstrate how much fun a stopwatch can be. What was I thinking? Really? Oh, yes, I certainly remember what I was thinking this very moment I was showing off. I wanted to make Jack happy. I wanted to wipe that devastated expression off his face. That's why I brought this on myself. Bloody hell! Now what? What am I supposed to do to satisfy a man like Jack? How can I compete with him? Which ludicrous idea is good enough to set him off? Uncertain, he turned around in Jack's office, clutching the stopwatch like a lifeline, scraping the hard surface with his thumb. Jack Harkness had lived a very long time and had been with uncountable lovers. So this was an all but impossible task. Nervously, he nibbled on his lip and looked at the stopwatch, checking the time once again. Only eight minutes to go. Downstairs the team was leaving. He heard Jack talking to Gwen, who was lingering around to discuss the whole matter with Suzie. Great! I'm standing here with a bloody hard-on, woman. Just leave it for tomorrow, will you? Seven minutes to go. He was in need and Jack wasn't coming. Better to start without him. He put the stopwatch on Jack's desk and stripped down to his boxers. Six minutes to go. Jack was still discussing with Gwen. Ianto groaned and dropped into Jack's chair. Knowing Gwen all too well it was absolutely possible that Jack wouldn't make it on time. Ianto didn't waste any more time but smoothed himself into Jack's chair, savouring the distinct scent of his lover while he rubbed his cock through the fabric of his boxers. He was already pretty close. He could be done before Jack was able to join him. Four minutes to go. Well, thinking of Jack was enough to make him come...soon...any second...now. No. Jack won't make it. What a pity!
The door crashed open and Jack burst in. Seeing Ianto jerking off, he cocked his head, eyes blazing. "You dare to start without me? You dare to turn this into a competition?"
"It's a race against the watch, not you, Jack."
Jack laughed and looked at the stopwatch. "Time?"
"Two minutes to go."
"That's enough." Seconds later, he had stripped naked, sporting a hard-on that would win any competition. He grabbed Ianto's boxers and tore them down. "Don't hide from me. Rub your cock. Rub harder. Come for me. Come now."
Ianto gasped, jerking off faster and faster, losing himself in front of Jack's smouldering presence. If he had suffered any doubts about his performance those were simply forgotten. "Jack!" Shamelessly he spilled his load over his hand and thighs, and some drops even splattered the floor.
"Kiss me!" Jack pulled him up crushing their lips together. A passionate exchange of kisses and licks turned them mute for some time.
"Have we made it?" Jack finally asked, seizing Ianto's cock in a tender grip.
Barely able to focus on anything but Jack's tasty lips Ianto checked the stopwatch briefly. "I think we lost."
"No way. We're better than this. I'm better than this." He dropped gracefully to his knees. "I'll be damned if I'm not able to beat a stupid watch." Carefully he sucked Ianto's spent cock into his mouth. "...mmm...yum..."
Ianto shook with laughter and want. So much want. Shame and insecurity were forgotten. This was Jack. This was fun. He pressed the button. "Here we go again, sir."
Needless to say that in the end there were no winners or losers in this very strange but satisfying game.
*****
No. Gwen's growing affection for Jack still didn't concern him as much as it probably should have. He liked Gwen, and it wasn't her fault that Jack was such a bloody magnet to everyone. So Ianto didn't see Gwen's love as a threat. How could he of all people forbid her to love Jack? Everybody was a little in love with him. Certainly, Jack was flattered by Gwen's attention. Ianto wondered if Jack preferred that kind of affection. Ianto could never show his affection that openly. Ianto just knew how much he cared for Jack, even knew he cared much more for him than Gwen, but he would never have the courage to show it so freely. After all it was still a miracle to him that Jack was shagging him. Sleeping with Jack was easy, showing his feelings was hard. Yes. Ianto was indeed done with being ashamed of what he and Jack were doing in private. Being intimate with Jack felt as natural as being with a woman. Maybe he felt this shy because so many people loved Jack. He didn't think his affection mattered that much. So what? I love him. So do many. He had never been the guy who liked to compete with others. Strangely, he knew that Gwen felt the same. She liked Ianto. She truly loved Rhys. She didn't like to compete with Ianto. So. They both never did. They just accepted each other's love for Jack. As if they had a secret pact. A secret that was well known.
*****
It was after midnight. The Hub was empty and silent, almost a little bit creepy. Ianto didn't care. He was waiting for Jack to come back from searching for their guest from the past. Ianto sensed that the destiny of the lonely and old man out of his time reminded Jack of himself. He could only imagine how devastating it must feel for Jack to be trapped in the wrong time and cut off from his people. Therefore he waited patiently and alone in the dark to be around for Jack if he needed someone to take care of him. What if Jack doesn't want me around? What then? Well. That doesn't matter. He would hang around anyway. It seemed like forever since he had slept at his flat the last time. This was the place where he felt safe, the one place he belonged in, the only place where he didn't feel scared. Not with Jack around. And even if he wasn't around, Ianto could feel his comforting presence lingering in the air, sizzling like electricity. I miss him. How is it possible that I miss him that much after the short time we are...we are...what are we anyway? A convenient shag. That's it. Jack had never said...anything close to... The entry alarm went off. Ianto startled to his feet. It was Jack. The expression on his face was devastating. Something terrible must have happened. "Sir? Is everything..."
Jack glared at him. "What are you still doing here? Go home!"
"Jack?"
"Leave!" Jack brushed him off and climbed down to his hideaway, shaking.
Indecisive, Ianto stayed put and plucked at his tie. The man Jack was looking for is dead. I'm certain of it. God. It's my fault. I let him get away with the car keys. "Jack?" he whispered down the hole. He wouldn't beg to take care of him.
"Go home!"
Well. Maybe he would. "I am home." Ianto climbed down to Jack.
"Don't make this harder as..."
"Bloody hell, Jack! It's me."
Jack's shoulders slumped. He staggered forwards.
Ianto caught him in his arms.
"I'm so damn tired," Jack chuntered, barely audible.
"I know." Ianto caressed his back. "I know, Jack." He lowered him down to the bed. "I'll get your coat off, okay?"
"Sure - undress me," Jack joked, but with a sad smile, a broken smile.
Ianto's heart ached with compassion while he got Jack's coat and boots off.
"Pants," Jack ordered spiritlessly.
Without further ado Ianto stripped him down to his boxers.
"That's the way you like me, mh?" Jack realized, sounding slightly bitter.
As if there was nothing else to like about him other than his sex appeal. As if he were only an empty shell without a heart or a soul. As if he wasn't loveable beyond his breathtaking looks. "Certainly, but for now you will go to sleep and nothing more."
"Is the teaboy ordering the boss around?"
"I..."
Jack dropped back and pulled the covers up. "Don't stop. I kind of like it."
What now? Ianto watched Jack's well-manicured fingers clawing into the blanket.
"Come here." A snuffled plea.
Relieved Ianto stripped down to his boxers and joined Jack. He pulled his very mature lover close and put Jack's head on his shoulder. Jack moved his hand over Ianto's chest until he found the place above his heart. There the hand stilled. "Were you waiting for me?"
"Of course. I always do."
"You're too good for me," Jack murmured, and snuggled closer. "I don't deserve you."
"Stop talking rubbish, sir, and go to sleep," Ianto ordered strictly. It didn't matter what kind of relationship he and Jack had. Whatever this was it made Ianto inexplicably happy. Their attachment didn't have to mean anything and certainly didn't have to be labelled.
The brother of death came and gifted them with hours of dreamless oblivion.
Ianto dreamt. Not of monsters this time but a place of endless bliss.
Of course Jack was there with him.
*****
I'm bloody mad, Ianto thought, after he had risked health and life to save Owen and some abused Weevils. No. He wasn't complaining about spending time outside. He was long done being the teaboy. Without Lisa there was no point in staying at the Hub. Frequently he became bored and going outside meant trouble but also adventure. Right. He loved being part of the team and going on missions. He loved driving around in the SUV at Jack's side.
After he had witnessed Owen's pain today though, and what had happened to Janet, the Weevil, he felt ashamed of feeling so good. He was particularly kind to Owen to make amends despite the fact that Owen would never do the same for him. Finally he went back to his monotonous duties at the Hub.
"What a day, right?" Jack said, humourless.
"Indeed, sir."
"How is Owen?"
"Difficult to say."
"Mmh." Jack sipped his coffee. "How are you?"
"I'm fine."
"We were lucky, you know, this could have turned out a lot messier."
"Yes, sir."
"It's better you stay in the Hub from now on."
Ianto frowned. "Did I do something wrong?"
"You? No. I'm the one who was wrong for putting you out there. I'd just forgotten what happened the last time."
"Having said that I think..."
"You do as I say, Ianto." Jack's anger couldn't hide his deep concern. "You do what I've assigned for you."
"Right. This place is a mess." He turned around but heard Jack groan in frustration. Jack's worried I might get hurt. Does he care at least a little bit for me? Ianto smiled. He sensed a lovely night of making up coming as soon as they were alone. Exhilarated with anticipation he did his usual work in half the time. Well. He was bloody right.
Jack was very thorough about apologizing.
In the blissful afterglow Ianto watched his lover sleep. Jack was holding him tight, his body as hot and steamy as an oven, the heat almost unbearable. Yet he didn't want to pull away. Oh, Jack. What am I doing? What comes next? What if...?
"Ianto!"
He jerked awake. He knew at once that he had overslept due to the sounds of the busy team moving around above him. Bugger! Why didn't Jack wake him? Unwashed and uncombed, he crawled up to the Hub, trying to get outside before he was seen.
"Morning, sleepyhead."
Ianto whirled around.
Jack gloated. "You look a bit ruffled."
He smoothed his hair. "I have to go home."
"No time for that. You can wash up in my bathroom."
"What about my clothes, sir? I need fresh underwear."
Jack's grin widened. "Take some of mine."
"Are you sure?"
"Is that a problem?"
"Not at all, sir." As nonchalantly as possible he walked away. Fifteen minutes later he was serving coffee to the team.
Owen gaped at him. "Where did you come from? And what are you wearing?"
Well, they had never seen him in such an informal outfit at the Hub. I look like I got a good seeing to. I look like I gave as good as I got. So what? I did, didn't I? "I didn't go home."
"We can see that." Owen smirked. "Boy toy."
Tosh and Gwen whispered to each other.
Ianto kept his dignity and continued serving the coffee like it was any other day. That wasn't easy considering he was wearing a pair of Jack's boxers. He even smelled like Jack, bloody hell.
"Ianto!" Jack called him to his office.
He strode off, feeling everyone's eyes on him.
"Playtime," Owen taunted him.
"Owen," Gwen hushed him. "Leave him alone."
Ianto sighed. Bear in mind that this is only the beginning. Are you sure you can tolerate all the bashing? Are you sure you're ready for the world to know?
Jack looked like a tomcat in heat. "You look so damn arousing in my clothes I'm thinking of ripping them off."
"I don't think that's what you have assigned for me either."
Jack laughed. "Oh yeah? Do you remember the day I recruited you? Do you know why I finally gave in?"
Ianto pursed his lips. "That's why you took me on? Just because you fancied me?"
"Definitely." Jack shrugged. "That doesn't mean I didn't figure out soon enough how essential you are to this team. But at first I only wanted to get into your pants."
"I am shocked, sir."
"Really? Didn't you pick me because you wanted to hide your girlfriend in the basement?"
Very well then! "Let's say we are even."
"No way. You just started making it up to me. We are not even close to being even." Jack grabbed him by the belt and pulled Ianto towards him.
The tray in Ianto's hands crashed onto the desk. "I just showered..."
"I promise to lick you clean afterwards."
"In that case...."
*****
Ianto stared into the darkness surrounding him. Jack was back from the past. Owen would survive the bullet in his shoulder. Everything should be all right. But Ianto was a mess and not because the rift was open. It was because of what Owen had said. In your dreams maybe, when you are his part time shag. Those words had hurt him much more than expected. Well. Owen was right. He was only a casual shag for Jack. Neither more nor less. He was convenient. As much as he despised Owen he had a way of looking at things differently. A lot more cynical and a lot more realistic.
Yes. Ianto had noticed Jack was rather distant after coming back. Something had happened but Jack didn't talk to him. Jack didn't share his feelings and Ianto didn't ask. His whole body was hurting from the fight with Owen and he was almost relieved Jack wasn't making a move. He needed some rest. He needed time to think, to get his life in order. Where was this thing with Jack going? Was there any future in it? Did Jack consider him a real person or just a boy toy like Owen said? Did he worry too much? Did he see problems where none existed?
For two nights he had tossed and turned in his bed. Yes. He was home in his own bed but couldn't find any sleep. Well. He wasn't used to sleeping alone anymore. He was used to hearing Jack's breathing calming him down. He was used to Jack's heat keeping him warm. He was used to being close to Jack. Bloody Hell! This wasn't how he wanted this to go. This would end in heartbreak. One day Jack would leave him and what would he do then? Indeed. What if Jack didn't come back the next time he left? Would he have a breakdown like after Lisa? Would he do something desperate to bring Jack back? Would he go through hell again? Oh god, I don't think I can do this again.
*****
Ianto sniffed Jack's coat. He didn't care that he might get caught being silly. Nothing mattered anymore. Jack was dead. Some horrible creature had sucked the life out of him. The Hub was destroyed. The team was breaking apart. Everything was lost. So a little coat sniffing didn't make a big difference, did it? Oh god. He started crying. Jack was dead, and the last thing Ianto did to Jack was to disobey him. Well. He had to. Rhys just died and Gwen was losing her mind. Still he wished he could take it back now. But there was no chance of taking it back. Not ever. Jack was dead and he died thinking Ianto was against him. Oh God. He rubbed his tears into the collar of the coat. That he was ruining Jack's favourite piece of clothing didn't matter. He would keep the thing forever. The one thing he had left of Jack. The thing that was soaked in Jack's scent. He would never clean it. Oh, Jack. The tears didn't stop falling. Lisa. Jack. Rhys. He couldn't take this anymore. The suffering. The pain. The loss. He sobbed into Jack's coat because he couldn't sit with him like Gwen. He was a man. He was not supposed to cry for his lover. His male lover. Oh God. Jack. Jack. I didn't mean it. But he was crying for him. He cried until he was drained empty. A broken shell cast out by the sea.
*****
Ianto couldn't do his work because he was shaking. The Rift. Abaddon. Jack dying and coming back. All that would be enough to have an immense effect on anyone. Right, but Jack topped all that by kissing him on the lips in front of the whole team. Until now Jack had never showed explicit affection towards him in public. Sure, their "casual shagging" had been as much an open secret as Jack not being able to die, but still a private matter. The kiss had changed that for good. Not that anybody had said a word about it, not even guttermouth Owen. He was just relieved that Jack had forgiven him. The kiss had come out of nowhere and had been sweet, tender, and pure. A promise of love. Dazed, Ianto had kissed back without any concern for their onlookers. Jack is alive, was all he was thinking. Alive. Right. He had put his arms around Jack and had kissed back so fervently that remembering now made him wobbly in the knees. Oi! Don't think this will change anything. Convenient. An easy shag. That's what you still are. Fine. He forced himself to continue fixing the mess in the Hub ignoring that his body didn't comply. They had more than enough work on their hands. He couldn't waste time on something as pathetic as one simple kiss. Well. He shouldn't be too hard on himself because this had been a unique day. He was more than entitled to get his knickers in a twist about it.
"Hey, Welshman."
Ianto jerked around.
"Sorry." Jack grinned. "Is everything alright? You look a little bit out of it."
"Well, it's not every day that your boss returns from the dead," he deadpanned. Come on. Didn't you already suspect about the miracle thing? You just didn't believe it. "Twice."
Jack stepped closer and grabbed him by the sleeves of his jacket. "You are lying, Ianto Jones. That's not what's bothering you."
"What else...?"
"This." Jack sealed his lips with a passion that was stunning for a man who had just come back from the dead.
Oh, well. Ianto kissed back and if the kiss wasn't a promise of love then at least it was a serious promise of hours of sweat and screams and come. Bugger!
"I was right," Jack murmured, "me kissing you bothers you."
"Why should that bother me?" he kept on lying. "You've kissed me plenty of times."
"Ianto, Ianto." Jack breathed on Ianto's lower lip. "Don't you know?"
"Sir?"
"I'll never be done kissing you," Jack said, and fleshed his words out, making Ianto crumble and melt against him.
No. Ianto didn't hear the team coming in. Well. He wouldn't have stopped snogging Jack anyway, would he?
"Ah...fuck...they're all over each other again," Owen complained, laughter in his voice.
"Give them a break, Owen," Gwen interrupted, but she was giggling, too. Tosh was just smiling bashfully. She appeared content that all of them were together again, particularly Owen.
"We're going to get some coffee. Are you coming, Ianto?" Owen sneered.
"Certainly." Ianto broke from Jack's embrace.
"You will be back, you know," Jack said, caressing Ianto's jawline. "You'll be back and then you can explain what you did to my coat."
Bugger! Blushing, Ianto hurried out, staying in front of the others to hide his glorious hard-on. Jack Harkness, you will be the death of me.
Well. He was bloody right.
