Green-Blooded Male - 4/6

Author: Daniela
Fandom: Star Trek
Pairing: Amanda/Sarek
Rating: PG13
Category: Romance, Angst
Series/Sequel: My heart is my song, my mind is my melody.
Summary: A male is a male.
Warning: Adult Fanfiction
Disclaimer: This is a piece of amateur fan fiction. I make no money of it.
Feedback: Yes, please. Every tiny little bit makes me happy.
Word Count: 1979
Released: November 2012
Beta: Selek

Once more, Amanda was panning the desolate scenery of Sarek´s home. Vulcan´s surface appeared to be made of nothing but sand and stone. The lack of green was jarring, the lack of quick movement wearying. Everyone on this planet moved deliberately, even the wind blew agonizingly slow. Children weren´t running. No one was laughing or crying out loud. Well! Hardly surprising since the unbearable heat simply killed any sentiment or speed, and the heavy gravity tired out any creature who dared to live in this place. It´s like being trapped in the center of the sun, Amanda thought, rubbing a hand over her sore eyes. Burnt out. That´s how I feel.

She wasn´t sure, though, if it was because of the conditions on Vulcan or just because of Sarek. He seemed to have forgotten about her. He didn´t ask her to continue with the kissing lessons. He didn´t ask her to continue any lessons. He didn´t keep her company. The only reason she had come here for had ditched her. Right. This was the proper human term. I was ditched by a Vulcan. She snorted. His change of attitude should have been a relief but it wasn´t.

His avoidance left her all by herself in a world of strangers. She desperately missed the company of humans, mostly her friend Peggy. The long-distance conversations via subspace helped her to calm down a little but she felt extremely lonely still. There was no one around she could really talk to. The native language was still a mystery to her. Sure, she had learned the basics but was still confused about the niceties. There was no one she could take comfort in. Sarek´s people treated her politely but extremely distantly. The females were the worst. They gave her the feeling that she was somehow wrong, ugly even. Their emotionless glances offended her more than one of disgust or hate would have. She had never felt more alien in her life.

Sometimes she caught a glimpse of Sarek going from one engagement to another. Sometimes she saw him rush to his meditation. Every time he greeted her politely, but so formally it hurt her deeply. How can he expect me to say yes to his offer? I can´t marry him. I can´t marry an alien. I know almost nothing about the Vulcans. I don´t know how they get married...or how they make...make...oh god! She turned away from the devastating view, feeling her face burn with shameful curiosity.

The female housekeeper walked by.

Amanda startled. "Excuse me?" What´s her name? I don´t remember.

The female stopped. "Yes?"

"May I ask where the ambassador is right now?"

"The ambassador is engaged."

"With what?"

The lips of the female drew into a frozen line. "Personal matters."

"But what is it?"

"It is not a matter we discuss with... humans." Gracefully, she floated away.

Amanda blinked rapidly. Personal matters. Personal matters. I´m fed up with that phrase. I´m fed up with all of them together. I need to leave. Going home. Yes. That´s the only thing I can do. Ask permission to leave. I am of no use here anyway. Strangely, the thought of leaving was even more depressing, causing a tear to run down her cheek. She wiped it frantically away.

The night came, exhilaratingly cool, but even so, she was lying restless in bed not able to sleep. She got up at last and started wandering through the house, inspecting every detail to busy her mind, feeling lonelier than ever. The eternal stillness made her ears hurt, the longing for something...anything made her feel desperate beyond imagination.

At last she stumbled outside into the small garden behind Sarek´s estate. Naturally it was a garden composed of stones, yellow thistles, and cacti in many sizes, but nonetheless a place she considered beautiful, particularly at night. She strolled along the gravel walk, lit up by Vulcan´s sister planet, T'Kuht, greedily breathing in the fresh air, until she came up to the plain-built bower. Often she had come here to rest on the stony bench, dreaming, miraculously feeling closer to home.

A familiar shape kneeling in front of her favored spot made her stop in her tracks. Sarek! Oh my God! What is he doing here? Is he meditating? Amanda wondered, and stumbled backwards. The gravel crunched. Damn!

Sarek turned around, staring at her. "What are you doing here?" His voice sounded worse than at their last intimate encounter, harsh and somehow broken, far from the mature voice she was used to, like he was on edge...

"I couldn´t sleep and... I´m so sorry... I didn´t mean to..."

He jerked to his feet. The sudden movement was so unlike him that she gasped in shock.

"Return to the house."

This wasn´t the emotionless Vulcan she used to know. "Yes... you are right." Still she couldn´t move, appeared to be glued to the gravel underneath.

"You came here like this?" Slowly, he glided over to her, his body a rock of tension.

She had forgotten she only wore shorts and a top. "Sorry, I didn´t know..." Now she felt even more stuck, forced to confront his pitch black eyes, expressing a sensation she couldn´t classify. Anger? Desperation? Fear?

"Why did you not accept my proposal?" He put his fingertips together, rubbing them delicately.

"Pardon me?"

"Everything would be easier if you would have agreed."

"Easier for whom?" Who does he think he is? Does he imply I did something wrong? That I have no choice?

"I thought I sensed an undeniable affection for me."

After having just been angry, she turned bashful in a moment. "That...well...maybe..." I should have gone back to the house. Oh dear. I should have flown home.

"Am I mistaken? Am I not strikingly handsome?"

"What?" This is a joke, right? He can´t be serious.

"Your friend Peggy said so." Now his eyes glittered even more oddly, making him appear conspicuously arrogant, definitely too sure of himself.

Something is very wrong, she realized, perplexed. "That doesn´t mean I have to marry you."

He blinked. "But you do like me?"

"Sarek...? What´s going on? Are you d-drunk?"

"Vulcans do not drink alcohol."

"What is it then? You´re frightening me."

He grimaced, his expression so full of pain and desire it shocked her even more. "Pon farr."

Two words with no meaning to her yet she was aware he wished he could have taken them back the second he blurted them out. "What are you talking about?"

"A matter we do not share with...with...." His mouth turned into a deforming curve.

"It can´t be that bad. You look..." more handsome than ever "...well."

"I am not," he groaned. "I have plak tow, a fever in my blood, a fever so strong it can kill me if I do not..." He broke off and turned away from her. "Just leave me. I cannot guarantee your safety."

His warning in the coldest voice was crystal clear. Still she didn´t want to leave him. She didn´t want to be alone anymore. She wanted his company. She needed his company. No. She needed him. Intuitively she moved forward and pulled at his sleeve. "Sarek?"

He flinched. "I cannot guarantee anything at the moment. I am not myself. Not the ambassador. Just..." Now he started shaking. "...a bundle of need...hurting so much...."

His words a mirror of her feelings, so tragically real, stung. "Don´t we all?"

He swirled back to her, raging, eyes fixed on her lightly-dressed body. "Not like this. Not like you are being torn apart."

Just now she realized what was wrong with him. The peculiar glance in his eyes, the tension in his body, the strange behavior. A condition simply ordinary. "My God. You are like us after all. You are just human."

His eyes flashed in blind fury. "Leave me alone. I have no need for you mocking me."

"No." She couldn´t believe she just said that. She couldn´t believe she wasn´t even scared anymore. She couldn´t believe she just made maybe the most life-changing decision.

"W-what? I do not understand."

"Don´t you see?" She put her hands on his arms. "I´m hurting like you."

"Amanda?" He raised an eyebrow. "Do you know what you are saying?"

Sensing his confusion, she nodded fervently. "Oh yes."

"But you r-rejected me."

"Only your proposal. Never you." She leaned into him, so very, very close, so very intimate.

"Are you sure? Once I have started I am not able to stop myself."

"So what you´re waiting for?" Yet his whole presence was still intimidating, she felt no more fear, only simple longing to touch him and to be touched.

"Fascinating," he said briefly, stunned, then he swept her onto his arms and muted her with a passionate kiss. Hungrily, he claimed her mouth, a sensation completely different from the kisses they had shared before.

She returned his kiss equally passionate, feeling all the strength and spirit she had lost flowing back into her. This is what I want. This is what I dreamed of. This is why I came here. When she felt like she was floating, her eyes fluttered open, catching glimpses of the garden flashing by. He carried her back to the house but didn´t stop caressing every inch of her face with fevered kisses. How is he doing this? How is he this good? How is this going to end?

A few minutes later she was put onto a bed. "Sarek?"

"No harm will come to you." He was hovering above her, taking his clothes off in a rush.

"Whatever," she whispered cheekily, too inflamed to care. Illogical me. Her lips found his ear, sucking sensually on the tip, tasting his flavor.

He shuddered. "This. Yes. Like this." He pressed his body to hers. "More."

"So spicy...," she murmured, delighted, encouraged to bite into the tender flesh. " hot..."

"Yes." In a surprisingly rash motion Sarek ripped her top open. "I hurt to have you." He pressed his lips on her breasts. "I hurt to be inside you."

I hurt to have you, too. She bowed into him, giving in to all the pleasures rushing in waves over her, sneaking her arms around his body, feeling his skin so overwhelming hot, burning her up like the sun of his world. "Oh." She touched his spine, the nature of the texture somehow different but not unpleasant, just a bit unfamiliar. "I want you so much." What does it matter that you´re Vulcan? What does anything matter? His lips found her breasts, and guessing her wishes, he was teasing the nipples with subtle bites. "...yes...please...oh yes...." Falling into the dazzling heat...humming the sweetest melody in the universe...the sentiment of loneliness turned into a distant mirage. I´m yours.

The morning light already brightened the room when she woke up next to Sarek. Seconds ticked by before she dared to look at him, overwhelmed by the lingering sensations of last night. What have I done? What will he think of me? What will happen to me now?

He was already awake, watching her curiously, although the darkness in his eyes was gone.

Maybe I´ve broken some Vulcan rules? Maybe he´ll send me away now? She blushed. "I should..." How can I feel so insanely happy then?

"I apologize for my unspeakable behavior."

Seeing the Vulcan this awkward was refreshing and turned her more mature. "What happened was by far...well...not conventional."

He greened lightly. "No. You are right. Not very logical either."

"I like that." She kissed him sweetly on the lips. "I like you losing control."

"Do not tease me," he growled. "I am still in heat."

"I´m happy to hear that." Playfully, she seized his manhood, boldly exploring. Well, that´s what´s a journey is about, right?

His eyes glazed over. "Amanda?"


"I what way is the penis of a Vulcan different to that of a human male?"