Flying Lessons - 3/6
Fandom: Star Trek
Category: Romance, Angst
Series/Sequel: My heart is my song, my mind is my melody.
Summary: Amanda conquers outer space.
Disclaimer: This is a piece of amateur fan fiction. I make no money of it.
Feedback: Yes, please. Every tiny little bit makes me happy.
Word Count: 2752
Released: December 2010
How long will this journey last? Amanda thought, distressed, wishing she had never agreed to go on this mission. Traveling through space was a lot more boring than she had ever imagined. The ship hadn´t even reached Vulcan and she was already homesick. Her small windowless quarters didn´t help much to change her depressing mood. Stop whining. You wanted this. Now make the best out of it. She tore her eyes away from the blank, dull walls and returned to her studies of the Vulcan language. It was hard to study this language, but she was glad about the time-killing occupation. Besides the few minutes Sarek saved every day to chat with her there was nothing to do. None of the Vulcan crew came to visit and would certainly not waste any time chatting. They treated her respectfully but distantly. She was a stranger to them. She was the alien. Pretty ironic, isn´t it?
The sound of the sliding doors startled her out of her brooding.
Sarek entered her quarters. "Amanda?"
His plain and colorless outfit made him look very stern. "Are you busy?"
"Not really. What can I do for you?"
"I find that I have some extra time and thought we could continue with our lessons."
"I don´t remember any lessons we´ve started," she replied, confused.
"The kissing lessons."
"Oh." She hadn´t seen this coming. The kiss had happened so long ago, she was sure he had forgotten about the unique moment.
"Do you mind?"
"No, Sarek, but... wouldn´t you prefer a more fitting partner to do the exercises with?" Being close to him was enough to let her stammer stupidly. His exquisite handling of rather intimate matters made it worse.
One impressive eyebrow went up. "I do not understand. Who could be more fitting than a teacher?"
"A Vulcan female maybe?"
The look in his eyes set her on fire but his voice remained calm. "A Vulcan female would never understand my desire to learn more about human behavior."
"I didn´t realize you wanted to learn more about this subject."
"I have my reasons."
"Oh." Now what? What´s that supposed to mean? Could he be more mysterious? "Very well then," she said casually, though, she was trembling. "Let´s continue with a very important lesson. Humans don´t kiss anybody on the lips."
"I see." His face was non-expressive.
"Certainly not right away." Stop mentioning this silly kiss. Stop making a lecture out of it. Stop making a complete fool of yourself.
Not a blink. "I beg your forgiveness for my bold approach the last time then."
"It´s okay. I didn´t stop you."
Is this flirting? Is this his way with every female? Is this a typical behavior for a Vulcan? "The appropriate kiss between friends is this one." She lifted herself on the toes and put a soft kiss on his cheek. His skin felt surprisingly warm and too good to be true. Touching him was always most intimate, an experience she had never had with any other male, as if she hadn´t kissed only his cheek but some hidden part of him. Rashly, she drew back, aghast about her erotic sensations.
Sarek blinked. "I have to say I prefer the last lesson more. Since we already started with a kiss on the lips, can we not skip the preliminary lessons and move on?" He gifted her with one of his rare and smashing smiles.
"Ambassador, I don´t know if this is really..."
"We already agreed to you calling me Sarek."
"...a good idea," Amanda finished, sheepishly.
He bent down. "Do I make you uncomfortable?"
His lips barely touched her cheek but still the tickling sensation was overwhelming. "No. Not at all."
"Let us continue with the lesson then."
His breath burned like fire in her ear. "Oh...well." She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. This kiss went far beyond the first one. Passionately, she tasted every inch of his firm lips, feeling them respond under her pressure. He pulled her closer, caressing her back with firm strokes. His quick and strong heartbeat pulsed through her body. Her lips opened willingly. This is too much...and way too fast...I have to...STOP!
Again it was Sarek who broke the kiss first and stepped back. "You are a good teacher, Amanda. This was...fascinating." He swallowed. "Unfortunately I... I have business to attend to. Let us continue this some other time." Just like that he left her alone, fighting for her breath and her balance. She felt the urge to slap him. His emotionless politeness drove her crazy. He was indeed worse than a human male could ever be.
The following days, Sarek gifted her more frequently with his company, discussing trends and concepts of the different races in the universe. Sometimes, he invited her to the bridge; sometimes they walked the short and busy corridors, catching many sober glances from the crewmembers. Sarek appeared as if he didn´t notice but Amanda assumed that he just didn´t care.
And today Amanda was attracting everybody´s attention anyway because she was in particularly high spirits. She had talked to her friend Peggy via subspace and heard exciting news.
"You look very content," Sarek said. "Did something happen?"
"Do you remember my friend Peggy?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Do you refer to the woman who ran away as soon as I made her acquaintance?"
Amanda laughed. "She's engaged and will marry in a few months."
"I see that the choice of your friend pleases you."
"Oh yes. Ben is marriage material."
"Marriage material? I am not familiar with this term."
"It means Ben is the perfect guy to marry. He is charming, funny, good-looking, and he likes kids. The kind of man every woman wants to marry."
"The kind of man you would marry?"
"I don't know. I never met such a man," she whispered, utterly surprised by his question.
"I see." He looked at the stars beyond the panoramic window. "Maybe Earth was not the right place to find him."
"Mm - maybe," she replied shyly.
"How are you finding our journey thus far?"
"Mostly meditative," she joked sourly, glad that he had changed the subject.
"Has your previous discomfort resolved itself?"
"Ah...yes...a little." How does he know about that? Does he know about everything?
"Good. I hope you will not have any trouble on Vulcan."
"Vulcan is very different from Earth, right?"
"Yes, the gravity is heavier than Earth and there is less oxygen on Vulcan. However, humans have been able to assimilate."
The expression somehow irritated her but she couldn´t say why. "I´ll try to as well."
"Would you be interested in learning more about Vulcan?"
"Very well. I will teach you about my home while you will continue to teach me about human mating rituals."
"Oh..." Once more his sober way with this delicate matter made her blush. "Okay."
They entered the turbo lift to go down to their quarters. The small space brought a lot of uneasy closeness, and Amanda turned her attention to the numbers on the panel, which were moving slowly, like everything Vulcan. "It´s your turn then."
"I already taught you plenty," she lied. "You have to teach me something now."
"Do I?" His eyes glittered with the wisdom of a much older and much more experienced man.
How old is he anyway? He looks so mature and wise but also completely dashing. "Definitely."
"Very well." He pursed his lips. "I am sixty-four years old."
"Uh..." Can he read minds, too?
"For a Vulcan I am still very young."
Anyway I feel like a child in your presence. "Were you ever married?"
"Yes." He frowned and squinted at the same time. It was obvious he didn´t like the subject she had addressed.
He touched the panel and the lift stopped. "Once I was bonded with T'Rea. She was a Vulcan princess. Later we separated. She died a few years ago."
"I see." Amanda struggled with herself. Should she press him to tell more about himself? Should she dare to get closer to him, taking the risk that she might get hurt eventually? Better not. Instead she decided to go with a fairly neutral question. "What do you mean by bonded?"
"Vulcan couples share their thoughts and minds through bonding. It is very personal and very intimate. It is much more intense than a kiss could ever be."
So much for playing it safe. "Lovely." She searched for an escape. Naturally there was none. "I think we should..."
He seized her hand.
Amanda almost screamed. Except for the kisses they had shared, he wasn´t the touching kind. His skin felt hot and cold at the same time, a somehow pleasant burning, as if fire and ice were united. "Sarek...I don´t know if..."
"Do not be afraid." His grip tightened, and his thumb glided over the heel of her hand, while two of his fingers pressed against two of hers.
Like a bolt from the blue, something clicked. "Oh my God..."
Softly but firmly he held on to her. "Do not fight. Accept."
"...ah...oh..." Her skin tingled all over, as if strong-spirited energy was coursing through her veins, offering an exotic delight. "Please...don´t..." She pulled her hand back. How is he doing this? "S-sorry." And why?
His eyes were unnaturally bright. "There is no need to be sorry. It was your first time."
His promise of further bonding was more than she could bear. It felt like magic. How can I ever handle something that powerful if this was what I felt with a simple touching of fingers? "How long until we reach Vulcan?"
"Not long." He smiled cryptically, and touched the panel. The lift continued moving.
She shuddered with pleasure. God help me.
The lift doors opened and they separated. Yet she wasn´t feeling alone anymore. It was as if he was still with her.
Just as Amanda prepared to go to bed, Sarek asked permission to enter her quarters. He was dressed in a glorious blue-silvery outfit that made him look even more handsome.
"Good evening, Sarek." What now? What does his outfit imply? "May I ask what the reason for your late visit is?"
"Let´s sit then." They settled in a pair of stylish but uncomfortable chairs. Amanda waited for Sarek to speak. For a minute he didn´t. Instead his eyes fastened on the book on her bed; the Vulcan dictionary. His face was as expressionless as ever and still he appeared kind of stressed. He even smelled different, somehow exciting...somehow...spicy! She lowered her eyes and pulled at a thread in her shirt. Why am I thinking like this? What is going on? What does he want from me? Dizziness seized her that didn´t come from space travel.
"Do you enjoy our lesson?" His voice sounded different, too, strangely rough.
"Well..." What kind of question is this? Does he expect an answer? Seriously?
"Good." He was silent again, his eyes darting back to the book.
His unfamiliar awkwardness concerned her. What is the matter with him? I´ve never seen him so...distracted.
"Can you imagine living on Vulcan for a long period of time?"
A shudder rocked her. "W-why are you asking? What is this about?"
"You may have noticed I... appreciate your company." His voice was turning silver; his eyes were lowered. "My family has been advising me for years to take a wife. In you, I have found a logical choice. You are a suitable match for any male."
Oh no. "Is this a...a marriage proposal?"
"Well..." Amanda folded her hands to keep them from shaking. "I´m honored but I have to say no." The flash in his eyes made her flinch back a few inches.
"W-Why?" For the first time, Sarek´s voice quivered. "I thought we understood each other."
"We do." I´m crazy about you. "But that´s no reason to marry someone."
"What is a reason?" He leaned over the table.
His scent was intoxicating her senses. "Love."
"An emotion I do not consider very logical in this instance."
"I already figured that out."
"A convenient marriage between us could be very helpful to further deepen interplanetary relations between Vulcan and Earth."
Convenient! How dare him! "Please leave, Ambassador." She saw something in his eyes that scared the hell out of her. Something wild and dangerous, something very human, very male. Professor Timmons was right. I´m way in over my head...and the worst is...I like it...I like it a lot. It excites me in the weirdest way...he excites me...no matter he is as cold as ice....
"Amanda...today I experienced a great deal by touching you. It was significant."
"We touched only for seconds." ...and as hot as fire...
He showed that cryptic smile again. "It was not my first time, Amanda."
...and so not fair. "Please go." She wrapped her arms around herself. "I need to be alone." His presence made her defenseless. She sensed that he was moving closer. If he touched her it would be over. She knew she was not able to fight him. Not this magic. Against all reason she wanted him. Logic had nothing to do with it. Perfectly irrational she was. Perfectly human.
He got up, lingering over her, utterly intimidating, and yet she felt no fear but an odd, primitive excitement. Desperate, she closed her eyes. "Don´t."
woosh - woosh
He was gone. She stumbled from the chair to her bed and dropped onto it. The book slid down the blanket and banged on the floor. Tears choked her and she swallowed rapidly to keep them down. It didn´t work. The first hot tears ran down her cheeks. It had been a mistake to go on this journey. The biggest mistake of her life. Yes, she was in love with him, desperately in love, but he wasn´t in love with her. She could never agree to marry him and live a life of unreturned love, a life of misery.
The following morning she hid in her quarters, too unhappy to be seen by anyone, but mostly by Sarek, of course. Certainly, she couldn´t hide for long. This was a ship. His ship.
A guard came and asked her to meet with Sarek. She tried to find an excuse to get out of it, which resulted only in senseless babbling. The guard observed her with patient curiosity. "I´m coming," she huffed at last. The whole species certainly considers me a human idiot.
Sarek didn´t turn around when she entered the main bridge. She stood beside him. "You asked to see me?"
His face was a mask of indifference. "The end of our journey is near. We will reach Vulcan shortly."
"That´s good," she croaked, shivering by his iciness.
"Yes." His voice was just as indifferent, a shadow of the sound he had once gifted her ears with. "Very good."
The other Vulcans on the bridge didn´t hear their conversation; all were too busy with their duties during the approach to Vulcan.
"S-Sarek. I´m sorry if I´ve offended you."
"No, Miss Grayson, I have to apologize. I had forgotten that you are human."
"Right," she whispered, miserable. Her gaze froze on the viewscreen in front of her. A reddish-colored planet with grayish-blue highlights filled the window. Its surface looked dry and hostile, a far cry from a place anyone would call home. She never should have come here. She never should have kissed him. She never should have fallen in love. How long until I´m allowed to fly back?
The stars vanished. She stared at a hazy sky that was claimed by a dazzling sun to avoid to looking at him. How long until I can bear this sunburnt world?
"Vulcan." Like the dearest sentiment, the one word rasped over his tongue. "Do not be deceived by the way it looks."
Startled once more by his insight, she stole a glance at him, guessing he wanted to say more, but he didn´t. His face remained cold and unmoving, though, he blinked a few times.
"In time I´ll learn about its secret nature," she assured, ashamed that she had jumped to conclusions so easily. How long until I´m able to forget that he touched my very soul?
Now he looked at her. His eyes were a match to the blurred colors of Vulcan. "Given that you refused my proposal, there is no need." The Vulcan she had never seen in a hurry, not even once, whirled around, and fled.