Drifting 3/3
Author: Daniela
Fandom: Star Wars - Rogue One
Pairing: Jyn/Cassian
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst, Romance, AU
Series/Sequel: No
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Summary: We are a match made by the stars, aren't we?
Warning: None
Feedback: Welcome home
Email: daniforblue@yahoo.de
Released: December 2020
Beta: darkswanjones
Word Count: 9073
1.
"Tell me about the place you were born."
"Uh... I don't remember much, you know. A few scents and images at most."
"Okay."
"Uh... a sky in various shades of cobalt blue, mountains and greenstones, trees as small as flowers, the sound of the wind whispering through the cracks in stonewalls, the scent of pines and moist leaves..."
"That sounds great."
"Well, it has been home. But then the Empire wrecked it."
***
Cassian was trying hard to feel at home on Hoth. The vast and white planet was awfully different from most of the places he had served or lived on. Colder and much drearier. Hoth had no seasons and hardly any change in weather. Every day was the same monotonous white. Only his company made a difference. Ya! Jyn was the ray of hope in his second chance of making a life for himself. He couldn't bear the times she was away on a mission with Solo and Chewbacca. Qué sí! He was jealous and grumpy. How could he not be? He was barely able to walk straight and Solo was in the prime of his life. He couldn't take on any missions nor could he have fought off any intruders. He was a millstone around anybody's neck. Well. Their leader didn't think so. Princess Leia valued his expertise in scheming and spying on the Imperial troops. He and she often sat hours over some map to make progress in the Rebellion and to remain hidden on this base. She asked him about matters considering strategies or organization. She trusted him. That made him feel useful. A member of the group. Besides the professional bound he and the princess shared one more thing. She was as jealous as he was. He could see her struggle every time the Millennium Falcon was leaving the base into an unknown destiny. Not that they talked about those feelings. It was more like a mute understanding. Please, let them come back alive and kicking as well as unattached to each other. Right. Cassian was trying hard to adapt.
***
Why, no. Jyn was not jealous about the women who were hitting on Cassian and admired him for his heroism now that he was back on his feet. That would be stupid. Though she was jealous about the surprising and obvious bond he shared with Leia, a bond that had grown stronger after every mission she was on and away from him and Hoth. Though that was no reason to feel this immature about herself and her appeal on men in general. She was favored by quite a few around the base though she couldn't care less. As often as someone hit on her and Cassian didn't even wince, she turned a bit moodier. That she was distracted by silly longing for a damaged man was too ridiculous to talk about. Her inability to act on her feelings put them all in danger and backfired on a place called Ord Mantell. Out of the blue they bumped into a group of Stormtroopers. Han kept his guard, but she lost it and got shot in the riot that broke loose. Nothing worse than a graze on the shoulder. Still. A few inches lower and she could be dead. Solo was well mad as hell.
"What were you thinking, damn. Where is your head? Didn't I tell you to never do this again? If you can't focus, stay on Hoth holding his hand."
She flushed. "I don't know what you're talking about. I got shot. That happens. I'm not invincible."
"You know damn well what I'm talking about. He's alive and on his feet. Make a move and be on a mission with your head and heart. Otherwise you're a liability."
"Why don't you do that yourself, bloody hypocrite."
"I'm not the one who got shot, am I?"
"I don't know why you're so mad about this? Even if I had died our cover wasn't blown. We-"
"Are you kidding me? You think I could have returned with your dead body? He would kill me on sight."
Shit! Her cheeks burned with both shame and joy. "That's rubbish."
"I'm serious, kiddo. Either I come back with you alive or not at all. Me vanishing would kill my chances with Leia as well, right?"
"That would be better for her. And the universe."
He laughed. "Come on. Let's fly home, before something else happens to you."
"Okay. Fine." She couldn't wait to get back and see Cassian. "But only because you're in need of a banter with your princess."
"Damn straight."
2.
"Tell me about Bodhi."
"What can I say that I haven't said many times before? He was an outstanding Imperial pilot. The bravest and kindest soul I've ever met. Without him we wouldn't have won the war."
"Why did he help you anyway?"
"He became friends with Galen and learnt how dangerous the Death Star was. That made him change sides and go looking for the Rebel alliance. Jedha was his home. He couldn't let the Empire do what they did to Jedha to other planets. He went into a battle without the hope of succeeding and died a better man at the age of twenty-five."
"That's sad."
"It was. Still is."
***
He was a worshipped hero now and women he had never seen before were following him around. He didn't understand why because he was the same silent and moody guy he had always been. Cassian Jeron Andor. Devoted rebel captain. The guy who didn't give a shit about candlelight dinners or walks on the beach. Bien! The cautious flirting of those women didn't affect him in the least. He was thinking about one woman only anyway. The one who died with him and was due to a mere miracle as alive as he was. The one he did take a walk on a beach with once, looking at the bright light of eternity.
"Oh, Captain Andor!"
Mierda! Here we go again. "Sí?"
"Can you tell me how you stole the Death Star plans?"
Again? Really? "Not right now, sorry," he declined. The girl looked incredibly young, not even in her twenties. "I'm not feeling well."
"Oh. Can I do something to help?" She beamed at him.
"No. Gracias." He turned his back on her. "Kay!"
Kaytoo stalked between the two humans. "What is your request?"
"Help me to my quarters."
The droid stilled, confused, eying the unknown girl.
Cassian started walking, and finally his best friend got the message. "When is Jyn coming back?"
"I have no input. I will calculate the probability."
"No. Leave it." He hadn't been lying to the girl. His head hurt.
"Do you think she went on that mission to get away from you?"
"No." He frowned. His heartbeat skipped a beat. "Quizás. Did she say something?"
"My connection to Jyn Erso is not as good as yours."
"We have no connection."
Kaytoo stopped in his tracks.
Cassian stumbled. "Hey!"
"I do not understand the benefit of denial."
"I deny nothing, you piece of junk. There is nothing going on between Jyn and me." He coughed due to overstraining himself. He was far from being healed, far from being strong enough to compete with Solo or anyone.
"Jyn Erso's contact with Han Solo must not concern you. The probability that she and he-"
"I don't wanna know!" Cassian cut him off. In vain.
"...is 0.001 percent," Kaytoo finished mercilessly.
Cassian snorted. "As if you have any insight in such matters."
"I know about calculations."
"Enough!"
"I will calculate the probability of you and Jyn Erso getting it on."
"Stop it, Kay."
The droid let his arms dangle. "Did I say something that was incorrect, Cassian?"
"No." The fact that Kaytoo was here with him was still feeling like a miracle and he was grateful. "Just leave it."
"Okay. Fine." Kaytoo walked on. "I must say the absence of Jyn Erso does not suit you."
"Vaya!" As if I don't know that.
***
Jyn didn't tell Cassian about how lucky she was to be alive. Han didn't say a word about her misadventure either. That the braggart feared Cassian's vengeance amused her, yet she worried Cassian would figure out why she kept her distance to him. Even though her shoulder was bandaged well and hidden under her shirt, she knew how clever Cassian was. Amid the welcome party her concerns were blown over by Cassian's pale face. "Is everything okay?" she whispered after Han and Chewbacca had left the hangar with Luke and Leia.
"Just a headache," Cassian said, shrugging. "Still get them daily. I need to lay down."
"Uh... I need to go to my quarters and freshen up. I'll come to pay you a visit later, okay?"
"Bien hecho!"
Jyn hurried. She was in the strangest mood. She didn't want Cassian to find out about her injury, but she didn't want to be separated from him as well. Han's innuendos had made her define her true feelings and she came to one conclusion only. Whatever I feel or want I need to act already. She arrived at Cassian's quarters out of breath and shaking. She needed a full minute to calm down a bit. Still flustered, she entered.
The light was dim. Cassian was lying in his bunk, his head resting on his arms. She had to be satisfied with the sight of his back. "How's the headache?"
"A constant pain." He cleared his throat. "A neck massage might help." He shifted.
"I see." She sat down at the edge of the bunk. She was fantasizing about kissing his neck. That might help even better. Yeah. She would like that. Bloody hell. She clenched her jaw. Why not? She had kissed him on the lips. "Shall I call a nurse...?"
"No, no. Go on. I trust you."
"Okay." She bit her lip and started with the lightest touches. She didn't want to cause him more pain. Not massaging but feeling up the strong muscles on his neck increased her want to kiss him here and there. She swallowed and put more pressure on the hardened strands.
"That feels good. Keep going."
"Okay. As the capitán orders." Even though she was the one making the effort here, she enjoyed the intimacy. The sensation of his warm skin, the lovely scent of his freshly washed hair, and the low sounds he was making fired up her fantasies and needs. Oh, he wasn't insensible to her treatment either because his breathing deepened, and his muscles eased. Okay. Move on. "Now turn around so I can do your temples."
"No need. I'm better. Gracias."
"Come on. I don't make that offer every day." Neither do I kiss every man. Estúpido.
"And I appreciate it, but I need my rest now. Don't you need a few hours of sleep yourself? You didn't look well when you got back."
"You're as charming as Kaytoo." She jumped to her feet, and rushed off, blinking away tears. Men! Always what they need and want. Couldn't he feel how much she wanted to please him and stay at his side now that she was back? Couldn't he be more sensitive? That her injury had started bleeding and aching again she only noticed back in her quarters. She stripped and went into the shower to cool down and wash away blood and tears. She didn't seek Cassian's company for two days straight. Only to keep the hole in her shoulder hidden not because she was sulking about his rejection of course. She could handle unsatisfied needs, had handled them for months, if not for years.
3.
"Tell me about Chirrut."
"One clever and sneaky guy. He knew more than those who could see. He was the best fighter with a stick. He knew what I wanted to do before I knew myself."
"What was that?"
"Rebel against my superiors. Going on a rogue mission to fight for our future. He was a legend in life. Nobody knew why he was blind. Well, maybe one person knew, but he's dead too."
"I know who that is. His protector."
"Sure. Everybody knows that."
"How old was he?"
"I have no idea. Twice as old as me, I guess. A human lifetime is just a split second in the eternity of the universe anyway."
"You don't look old."
"Aw. That's a comfort."
***
In the following weeks Jyn stayed on Hoth. She wasn't going on missions though Solo flew away on many occasions, as if he couldn't bear to stay too long on this icy prison. Cassian should be happy, but he was rather concerned. Jyn got into fights with various men and even more often she talked harshly to him. She behaved like this since he had pushed her away in his quarters. She didn't know he had to because he had feared she would notice how hard he was for her. Dios mio! Just because she had touched his neck and shoulders. He had been embarrassed and was not ready for any love making. Yeah? Why not? What is more important? My concern about a good performance or letting her drift away from me? Do I prefer Solo hits on her soon, considering the princess doesn't give in to his advances? Am I afraid I can't keep a free spirit like Jyn on fire forever? Whatever his reasons were, Cassian couldn't let her get the upper hand on him. Not in front of comrades. He had no choice but to talk back to her. He embraced her attacks fighting with her daily. Never physically of course. If she would touch him, he would lose every advantage. Ya! I would be exposed.
Their friends were sometimes witness to their arguments. Solo looked amused that he'd gotten competition, Leia rather annoyed. Luke wriggled in shame and appeared ready to flee. Kay only shook his metal head and mumbled something like 'some humans have more than one screw loose'.
"Time to make a move, don't you think?" Solo said to him after Jyn had rushed off once more, fuming like an overheated engine. "Before she kills someone."
"Why don't you take that advice yourself?" he snapped, too stubborn to listen to anyone, least of all that guy.
"Hey. Fine. I was only trying to help." Solo buckled up and chased after Leia. "Wait for me, your Highness. I have an idea."
That left Cassian and Luke. Cassian couldn't snub him in the same way. Luke was too grounded and decent.
"What about a simple gesture. A present," Luke murmured, bashful. "Something that's significant to her."
Not the worst idea. "Yeah, thanks. I'll think about it." He knew at once what he would get for Jyn. The one precious thing she had lost on their suicide mission. He used his connection to Leia and was lucky to get a beautiful necklace with a kyber crystal only a few days later. The stone was tiny compared to the original but better than nothing. Whatever. The gift arrived at the right time.
Jyn was in a testy mood but she swallowed at the sight of his offer. "What's that for?"
"Uh... it's been two years since you and I... and I thought..."
Jyn blinked. "That's very generous, Captain Andor-"
"Eh? Since when do you call me by my rank?"
"Since I want to slap you."
"A qué? What have I done?"
"Nothing as a matter of fact."
He stared at her flushed face and rigid body. He wanted to kiss her. He wanted to shower her with kisses and drown in her beauty and passion. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to use every chance to have a life together. Even though he feared to lose her when she figured he was nothing special among all those fighters here. He was one rebel. An ordinary soldier. A killer to say the worst. There were many men she could choose from. And women. Honorable people. Better than him.
"Right. As I said." She turned around and left. Though she took the necklace with her.
He huffed and leaned against the wall. He could barely restrain himself from chasing after her and push her against one of the icy walls. He was beyond ready to take her. He wanted to make her crave for his touch as much as he craved for hers. He wanted to make her come. Over and over again. Dios mío. He rushed off to his quarters to get rid of the most delicate pain in aching solitude. He didn't hobble anymore. He was back to long and easy strides. That gave him hope. Sí. He was having his strength back. He was a man in his prime. Ya! Time to make a move. What was he waiting for, eh?
***
Jyn didn't understand what was happening. Cassian had gotten into a row with some beefy guy she had never seen before. He surprised everyone by winning the fistfight easily not even working up a sweat or spilling any blood. She couldn't help but cheer for him though she was kind of annoyed about his male stupidity. Yeah, well, but she was proud of him also. He was the coolest man she had ever met. Damn handsome as well. Holy shit! She was so keen on him it hurt her body in the sweetest ways. Right. She couldn't wait anymore. If he wasn't man enough to make a move, she should make a move herself. Again. Hurl him onto his bunk and get on top. Indeed. It seems her kiss had not been good enough to break his walls. She must take harder measures. Oh, come on... Since when did she leave the choice to a man anyway? Since when did she need permission to take what she wanted? Hadn't she promised she wouldn't hold back if he cheated death beyond all hope?
"You know why your level-headed capitán finally lost it?" Han said, grinning like a smug bastard. "The idiot puffed himself up in front of a group of green boys by saying all you need is a real man to shut you up in the right way."
Jyn flushed. "He meant a good fuck, didn't he?" Yeah. She should be mad at Cassian and those macho idiots riling him on. She didn't care for immature insults and could sure as hell fight her own fights. She didn't need a protector. Well, but she wasn't mad. She was stupidly happy. As well as aroused by his manly way defending her honor. Damn pathetic.
4.
"What about Baze?"
"Uh... I knew him even less. Well. He didn't speak much. A fearless fighter though. Protector and... uh, friend of Chirrut. Hard-boiled. Dry humor. Had lost his faith. Didn't care about politics but couldn't stay out of the fight after they had destroyed Jedha."
"Had he any family?"
"I have no idea. I only know that I wouldn't sit here with you under this beautiful blue poppy tree without him."
"We should pray for him then."
"I do that. Every day."
***
After the foolish but satisfying fight with the moron who had insulted Jyn, Cassian got one of his headaches. He didn't have them often anymore and his scars weren't itching as much as in the beginning but today he had overstressed himself. Though he didn't regret any of it. He rolled into his bunk to sleep it off.
Jyn entered his quarters. "Hey. You look awful. You want another massage?"
"Sure." He couldn't resist, could he? Even though having her this close made his skin prickle. The pain in his head vanished in no time but the pain in his groin got worse. The constant craving for her made him squirm and sigh.
Jyn didn't let up but moved her hands further down under his shirt. "The guy was right, you know."
"Que?" His mouth watered. Go on and I can't take any liability for what will happen.
"I do need a real man - a good fuck." Her hands slipped under his shirt, teasing along his spine. "Not from a stranger though, but the man I've wanted all along. The right man. I thought he knew."
Dios mío. The pain in his head was all gone now. He couldn't help but gasp with need.
"Was I wrong?" She caressed the flanks of his hips.
"Jyn." His heart leaped and his cock twitched.
"What? Am I too forward?"
"No. Not at all." He turned around, not in the least concerned about his condition down there. "I was too careful." Not anymore. "I wanted to be fully recovered."
"Oh? I thought you were, putting that moron in place." She smirked.
"Bien!" He sat up and pulled her into his arms. "I'm done healing." He kissed her then, claiming her lovely lips with all the passion he had treasured for so long, wallowing in the wonder of winning her over. Take my breath away, mí corazón.
***
Cassian's and her first time happened in a feverish rush. A passionate consummation that only lasted minutes. A few heated kisses on the lips and the neck, an intimate but clothed clash of eager limbs, finishing in an incredible climax.
"Dios mío," Cassian panted, holding on to her as if he feared she would flee a crash landing. "That's not how I wanted this to go."
"No?" Jyn said, as breathless as he was, and overwhelmed by the sensations flushing her body. "How did you want it to go?" The walls of the cold quarters glowed in brilliant white.
"Slower. Gentler. More than... uh..."
"You're right. I expected more." She laughed at his fallen face and rubbed her nipples against his curly chest hair. "What you say? One more try?"
"No, mí corazón." He seized her by the ass. "Plenty more tries."
"Oh, Capitán." She moved her hips. "That sounds like a screaming victory."
"Vamos a ver." He stripped her pants off. "We'll discuss that bullet wound on your shoulder later."
"Oh...no. We won't." She gasped in bliss. "Oh you...not fair."
"Ease up." He indulged himself in going down on her.
Jyn hadn't known that a man could be that sweet and passionate. She hadn't known she could make such ridiculous sounds. Oh god! She jerked her hips. Life had never been as bright as now, here in his arms.
5.
"Tell me about Saw."
"He was a legend and a feared leader of militant rebels. Some called him a terrorist. He outlived torture and the death of his beloved sister. He hunted the enemy without mercy and was ruthless in many ways. Though also brave and unwavering."
"Wasn't he more machine than man?"
"Not like Darth Vader, if you think that, but, well, he was injured a lot and needed a respirator to stay alive. I saw an old man with a fierce aura who was even at the end of his journey far from beaten. He lives on through the stories they tell about him as well as his daughter's legacy."
"I wish I could have met him."
"That can be said about many people we've lost."
"Right. I'm sorry."
"Hey. No need to be sorry. They would have loved to meet you too."
***
Despite the threat of war hanging above their heads, life felt kind of magical. As if there was no threat at all and they weren't hiding from evil having the universe in its grip. Ya! He and Jyn were deliriously happy. He couldn't believe he could be this happy nor that he deserved it. He didn't tempt fate by picking up a fight or complaining about their harsh conditions. He was with Jyn and nothing else counted. Right. He and Jyn wallowed in pleasure whenever possible. They even laughed frequently. Well. As feared the fragile peace was broken a few months later.
Luke didn't come back from a scout tour on Hoth's surface. Han went looking for his best friend. Nobody believed that the two men would survive a night out there in those low temperatures. Cassian couldn't endure watching Leia and Chewie's suffering. He split and sought comfort in Jyn's arms. She had fled the misery of unbearable loss even earlier than him. Though she was a fierce fighter, she still couldn't handle loss.
"I love you," he murmured, and buried his face in her neck. He was never as sure as today. He couldn't imagine a life without her. He couldn't bear the thought of losing her ever again. He would die then.
She hugged him tight though she didn't say the sentiment back.
That didn't bother him. He knew since she had died on that beach with him how she felt about him. He knew her heart as if it was his own. He knew she was with him all the way.
***
Jyn held her breath and was glad Cassian couldn't see her face. He had given her the ultimate gift and she didn't say anything back to cherish the precious words. Yet Cassian held her close. She sniffed and wiped away the tears running down her face. Why couldn't she say those words back? What was she afraid of? Why couldn't she tell him what was true? Did she want to wait until it was too late? Like Leia had done with Han and now she paid the price suffering through the night, uncertain if the man she loved would come back alive. Right. Do I want that? Do I want to hold on to my pride for the prize of keeping him in the loop? Whatever am I afraid of? He and I were on the brink of death already. What can be worse? What is left to fear by saying those words? She inhaled the distinct odor of his armpit. The scent of leaves and leather. How does he still own that scent considering there was no green in this hellhole? How was he able to always make her feel sheltered, even now in a place like this? Oh god. I know what's worse. Watch him die of course. That prospect scares me to the core. I can't do it and I won't tempt fate by saying those words. Even if my silence hurt him. She clung to him though, grateful he wasn't the one out there in freezing hell.
6.
"Tell me about Kay."
"Why? You know enough about that droid. He's a bother every day."
"No, he isn't. He's the best droid in the universe."
Madre Mío! "Never tell him that."
"You trust him though, don't you?"
"Sí, claro." He's my friend. He was the one who made the impossible happen. He was lost and then I got him back to be the usual annoyance. Still I wouldn't want him gone from my life. "I won't put any ideas in his head though."
"I'm happy he's with us."
"That I agree on."
***
That Han and Luke were saved was a sheer miracle. A spark of hope lifted the cloud of darkness floating over their heads. Though Luke had to be put in bacta to heal his injuries, he was luckier than Cassian. He needed only a few days to recover. His recovery was tainted by the worst news rising shortly after. The Empire had tracked them down and was preparing to attack their home base. The dreadful sight of the walkers crossing the snowfields scared Cassian to the core. Those things were not beatable. He knew that from the fight on Scarif having lost Bodhi, Baze, Chirrut and everybody else. Hell was back to claim their lives. Pues claro.
He had always expected to be ripped from his dream. He didn't deserve such happiness with an outstanding woman as Jyn. Dios mío. He had to keep her safe. She couldn't fall into the hands of the Empire. Not ever again.
He hurried through the icy corridors and begged Leia to put Jyn and Kaytoo onto the first transport of Hoth. The princess agreed. She knew she wouldn't be here without Jyn and the Death Star plans. She owed that miracle to Jyn and him and all the poor souls lost on Scarif. Though she didn't agree for that reason alone: Cassian had been her friend in desperate hours. Ever since he and Jyn were making out he had assured her that Han wasn't into Jyn and she had nothing to worry about. She never said a word about his promise, but he saw a weight lifting off her shoulders. Right. The lines had been drawn. Cassian wished Leia the best of luck and went to pull the duty to hurt the human being he loved the most. That didn't matter if Jyn would be safe from the bloodhounds of the Empire.
***
The refuge of the last few years was breaking apart. Alarms were wailing through the corridors. Rebels were running to the hangar deck to get to a transporter or take a place in the drenches. Fighter pilots were flying out to attack the enemy from the air. Jyn was standing in the middle of chaos waiting for Cassian. Though what Cassian said at his arrival struck her worse than the threat of the Empire.
"Go to your transporter. I want you out of here."
"What about you?"
"I volunteered to join the ground forces."
"Of course you did. Go on then. Go kill yourself for the mission. That's your thing. That's all that matters to you. Not me or anybody else. You'd rather go into battle and die then put up with an average and boring life. You fear nothing more than living in a peaceful future. You might as well be a Stormtrooper."
A flash of hurt ripped across his face. "I know what I am." He turned around and walked away, shoulders stiff with tension.
Jyn couldn't believe she had said those cruel words once again. Not with him having been inside of her. Having made love more times than she could count. He was a part of her, was he not? She needed to take the horrible insult back. She wanted to run after him but choked on steps and words.
The next second Kaytoo approached and gave her no choice to make up with Cassian. The droid less or more carried her to the transport ship. She was cursing and kicking. That junk of metal didn't let up though. She was forced to flee and leave Cassian behind. Well. She got what she deserved saying those words rather than the truth.
7.
"Tell me about Luke Skywalker."
"If I ever met someone in my life who is a good man, it's him. A better man than me for sure."
"That's not true. You're brave and funny and a great pilot."
"I am. Yet I did a lot of things I wasn't proud of in the war. Luke isn't that kind of guy. He's without failure."
"What things?"
"I will tell you one day. That's a promise." Even though I could lose your love and admiration. Even then I will be honest.
***
'The first transport is away!' The message echoed in Cassian's mind. Jyn had escaped the Empire. Jyn wouldn't be tortured or killed. That was one burden of his shoulders. As he had feared, the battle against the walkers was a lost cause. Though the rebels were able to bring a few down they couldn't destroy them all. He was lucky compared to the soldiers dying in the trenches or up in the air to secure the rebel's retreat. He got a ride with one of the pilots leaving with the last survivors. His name was Wedge. He picked him up while he was running over the snowfield to get to the last transport. Wedge had only room for him because his copilot had been killed. Though he had never talked to the guy in the last three years, Wedge put himself at risk taking him along. Crazy luck, eh?
In no time they were in space flying away from Hoth. He hoped to see this spit of ice never again even though he owed the place some awesome memories. Dios mio! Were Jyn and Kaytoo safe? Did they truly get away? When would he be reunited with them? How much separation time could he endure? What about the princess? Did she get away? She was one of the few people staying on Hoth to secure the escape of everyone. She didn't care about her own safety. What about Han, Chewie, and Luke? What about the future? Was there any for him and Jyn or the Rebellion? Was there still hope to win this war and live some ordinary life in some peaceful place?
***
Jyn was beyond frantic. Cassian hadn't gotten in touch the first day after the flight from Hoth, nor the second. Kaytoo wasn't worried. That's what he said. Jyn couldn't read the droid any better than at the beginning. He was a blank, though the lack of silly calculations was a slight giveaway that he was not himself. That he did worry about Cassian as much as she did. As if! I'm out of my mind. I want to broadcast a message to every transporter making enquiries about the wounded or the missing. I want an answer. Rubbish, of course. The Rebel Command had more than one man on their radar.
On the ninth day fleeing through space she was lying in her bunk weeping. I lost him. I let him walk away without telling him how much I care for him. I let him die thinking I hated him for what he is. I am not worthy to be alive or loved. I am not worthy to get him back. She punched the wall hurting herself. She couldn't stop the pain in her heart though. She couldn't stop the crying either. She wiped her face at the rough sheet and rolled on her back. She kicked the wall. Why did you safe him if you take him now? What is your plan? What sense does it have?
A scraping sound. The hatch opened and a shadow fell over her.
She flinched. Bloody hell! She had no weapon on her. I lost my mind.
"Jyn?"
She stared, gasping in shock. It can't be. No power can do such magic. Not even the Force.
"I thought I'd never find you. Kay said-"
She threw her arms around him, pulling him down. His unshaven face scratched her cheek. "I didn't mean what I said. You're nothing like a Stormtrooper."
"Calm down." He didn't fight her grip but slipped into the bunk cuddling her. "It's okay. I'm okay. We're okay."
"Don't ever make me leave you again, Cassian Andor. Dare and I'll make you suffer."
"I believe you." He smiled against her cheek.
"I mean it," she sobbed, clinging to him.
"I know, mi corazón." He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and the tip of her nose. "I know."
She wriggled her arms and legs around his body. "Oh, Cassian... I need you so much."
"Jyn...I need you too." He kissed her lips, licking gently along the rim.
"I love you, mí capitán."
"You do?"
"Sí. Mucho."
"Bien. Let's get out of this mess then and make a life for us."
"I want that, and I want you." In a graceful move she got on top of him.
"Go on then." He gripped her by the hips. "Make me feel like a hundred men."
8.
"Tell me about Han and Leia."
He laughed. "Bueno, even though that's some story that will take a few hours. A story of love and loss and stubbornness. A tale of crazy beyond measure that is way more complicated than you can imagine. They were always at each other's throats, and they have separated more than once. Yet they love each other very much."
"I don't get it."
"Neither do they, or anyone else."
"Is that the reason why their son is so awkward and unique?"
"Quizás. His parent's blood surely didn't help his strange nature."
"What about our blood? Our family?"
"Our blood was erased and reborn. We are beyond strange."
"That sounds spacy."
"Doesn't it?"
***
"Princess Leia and Luke are still missing," Jyn said a few days later. "Nobody knows anything about their whereabouts, as well as Han's. Sure, it's possible he'd taken off like he'd planned to do for some time."
"He wouldn't have left without knowing Princess Leia is safe," Cassian argued, kissing her fingertips. "Not ever."
She withdrew her hand from his grip. "I wouldn't have left you. Kaytoo made me leave."
"No. I did. I programmed him to."
She punched him. "That was an unfair maneuver."
He shrugged. "A necessary one to keep you alive."
"What would have been the purpose without you?"
They stared at each other, leaning closer. "Lo siento," Cassian murmured, kissing her on the lips. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I won't do it again."
"Right, Capitán. Otherwise I'll never kiss you again."
"If you say so." He gloried in kissing her long and hard.
"Cassian. Jyn." Kaytoo walked in. "You got company."
The couple jerked apart. Cassian caught the great Mon Mothma fighting a smile. "Sorry for the... disturbance. I came by to congratulate both of you for making it out of Hoth alive. Not everybody was that lucky."
"Don't give up hope now," Cassian said, tugging his shirt in order.
"There is always hope," Jyn said, touching the kyber crystal at her neck.
Mon Mothma nodded. "You're right. We must trust the abilities of our people. They escaped imprisonment on the Death Star after all."
"That's the spirit," Jyn said, shuffling her feet.
"Certainly." Mon Mothma turned to the exit. "Enjoy life as long as it lasts." She glided away.
Cassian would bet any money he heard a giggle.
Kaytoo remained frozen on the spot.
"Get out, Kay," Cassian snapped, prancing around.
"Why? Do you need more space for that human mouth on mouth ritual?"
"Get out!"
Kaytoo moved, but slowly. "The odds that you and Jyn Erso are having sexual intercourse right now-"
"OUT!" Cassian shoved him. In vain. The tall droid was immovable.
Jyn burst out laughing.
Cassian swore. "I'll kill both of you."
***
Even though Jyn was over the moon about the reunion with Cassian she was yet happier when Luke, Leia, Chewbacca, and the droids returned to the alliance of the Rebel ships. Safe and sound for now, though traumatized. Luke had lost his right hand during a fight against Vader. Leia had suffered the loss of Han to the infamous bounty hunter Boba Fett. Those horrific events happened on Bespin, a city in the clouds, Jyn only knew from rumors and tales. There were more things troubling their friend's minds, but Luke was unusually closed off and Leia coped with the loss of the man she loved in her way. She focused on the survival of the Rebellion and put her hope in saving Han in the recruit Lando Calrissian. He was the former leader of Bespin and an old friend of Han and Chewbacca. He and the Wookie flew away with the Millennium Falcon to search for Han's whereabouts.
Jyn could imagine how much Leia must suffer remembering the long time she had feared for Cassian being on the brink to death. Now that she had confessed her feelings to Cassian, she didn't hold back showing him how much she cared. She kissed and cuddled him whenever they were alone for a bit. His dazzling smile was the reward. Oh well! Such sweet moments were scarce anyway. The Rebels were busy reassembling their forces as well as being on the run. The only good thing about being in the loop was that she and Cassian were never separated again.
9.
"Well. Tell me more about Ben."
"Right. Such a bright kid, he scares me sometimes."
"Isn't he younger than me?"
"Sí, claro, but the Force makes him strong beyond measure. That's why he's already training with Luke, though Han was against it." I can't blame him for that. I wouldn't want my son exposed to the powers of the Dark Side. I wouldn't want him to be tested in such a crucial way. I'm grateful for mine being normal. Well. Almost.
"Why can't I train to become a Jedi?"
"I won't let you go this far away at your age. I couldn't bear how much I would miss you."
"Do Han and Leia love Ben not as much as you love me?"
"They do, but the Force is too strong in Ben. He needs to learn how to control having this much power."
"He will. After all, Luke is teaching him."
"I hope so, or God help us."
***
One small but still meaningful reward for having survived dire months with little progress was Han's rescue. Once they had learnt from Lando where Han's carbonized body was kept, Luke and Leia dealt with the dangerous deed of breaking him free. There was no celebration after Han's reunion with the Rebels. The war was still on and every second wasted for private matters would be a mistake. Though everyone was feeling better because the old scoundrel was back to strutting about and mouthing off. Leia was glowing having him right at her side, no matter how serious the situation was. Han was even appointed a General.
Pues bien! Cassian was not in the least envious, but rather encouraged by the outstanding event to make his and Jyn's relationship public. "Given that we don't know what is waiting ahead I wanted to say...uh...well..."
"...Cassian and I are romantically involved," Jyn helped, leaning into him.
"Right," Cassian spluttered, stunned by her choice of words. He never thought she would call anything romantic. He was yet more puzzled by the response of their friends.
"Really?" Han snorted. "Such a surprise."
Even Luke sounded quizzical. "I never would have guessed you two came to terms this fast." That might be because he was a Jedi now.
Chewbacca barked with laughter whereas Leia hugged Jyn and Cassian. "Don't listen to them. Such wonderful and sudden news. It's a shame we have no time to tease you a bit."
"Right." Han sobered up. "Come on, sweetheart. Let's go and blow up the next Death Star."
The group of friends scattered to take care of less amusing matters.
"Was it funny, what I said?" Cassian asked Jyn. His girlfriend. Dios mio. We are a couple now.
"No. Not that I know," Jyn replied, snuggling closer still. "I wouldn't bother. Han was frozen in carbonite for months. Leia and Luke suffered a great deal worrying about him. No wonder they're acting a bit strange."
"Ya! That's right."
***
Jyn was in a hurry to get the kyber crystal necklace she had almost forgotten in her bunk. She would never have forgiven herself to leave for such a vital mission without her lucky charm. On the way back to the hangar she spotted Mon Mothma and Draven walking towards her. Not eager to talk to them she hurled herself into a niche. To her discomfort the two leaders stopped just around her hiding spot.
"What do you make of the affair?" Mon Mothma said in an unusually agitated tone. "Weren't you caught off guard by the announcement?"
"After he followed her on that suicide mission, taking every man along he'd ever worked with?" Even though that had happened almost three years ago Draven sounded still disgruntled about Cassian's disobedience. "You must be joking?"
"That doesn't count as a sign of love."
"Agreed, but have you forgotten what the troops said saving them from that forcefield? They were clinging to each other like they were one person, and the medical team had to pry open their fingers to separate them. That measure added a few more broken bones to their list of injuries." He huffed. "They were meant for each other."
"Draven, the matchmaker," she teased. "How romantic."
"Don't you dare ever telling that anyone," he snarled.
"I'd know better stories to share."
"Do you?"
The distinct sound of smooching made Jyn put a hand over her mouth. For heaven's sake. Don't laugh. Don't make a sound. They'll make your and Cassian's life miserable until the end of time. She squeezed herself tighter into the niche, holding her breath, until she was sure the secret lovers were done and gone. Then she sneaked away not sure if she should tell Cassian about the fancy revelation or not. Well. Indeed not. If I'm lucky enough to survive this mission I don't want to die execution style, do I? She sniggered. The Force moves in mysterious ways.
10.
"Tell me about the Force."
"Ah. The Force. What about it? The Force that saved me from sudden death. Whispering the destruction of the Death Star into my ear. Keeping me floating in warmth until I was ready to return to this life. The Force I'd never believed in even though its magic gave me a second chance. The Force that gifted me a future to care for and more happiness I could ever hope for."
"That sounds amazing."
"Doesn't it? And still the power and mystery of the Force are beyond my grasp."
"Don't you believe in it? Not even a bit?"
"I should, shouldn't I? Getting back my life due to a sheer miracle."
"Ya!"
"I'm trying, believe me. It's a struggle every day."
"Don't give up hope."
"Never."
***
Hoth had been cold and white. Endor was damp and green. The Rebels had barely landed on the unknown moon when they were captured by creatures called the Ewoks. That was entirely Han's fault. Cassian was once again mad at him and didn't stop complaining about the General's headless actions. They were at the mercy of some bearlike midgets and the task of disabling the shield generator had moved out of their reach as well as his future with Jyn. All that because of Han's bravado.
Standing on a rope bridge high above the ground Cassian breathed the scent of leaves in that reminded him of Fest. The village of the Ewoks was a beauty and he pitied them. They would lose the natural habitat to the Empire tomorrow. The same way he had lost his home and people.
"Hey, soldier." Jyn joined him in the middle of the bridge. "Don't sulk anymore. We could have ended at a worse place."
"Sure. No thanks to General Solo though."
"He is like he is." She put an arm around his waist. "You are like you are."
"Oh yeah? What am I?"
"My darling rebel."
***
The Rebels were fighting for their lives. No more hiding. No more planning. Taking the biggest chance to win or lose this war. Jyn should be feeling devastated, there was extreme loss and suffering, but she was not. Cassian was with her, and so was Kaytoo. She would never tell that droid how much she got used to his presence. She would never tell anyone how much she liked to kill the evil in this world. She was on fire and the tall trees above her were moist with the odor of powerful magic. Right. She scented and tasted the Force all around her. They would win this. She was certain of it and that knowledge made her fight like a hundred women. Yeah. Women of different races and planets from all over the universe fought along with her. They would have a future with the partner they had chosen. A bright and spirited future in a place like this moon. Oh yes. Jyn wanted that much green and such trees and the scent of nature and peace around her home to-be. Nothing less. She deserved that, didn't she? She was the daughter of two fathers and a mother who had sacrificed everything to bring her to this point. Having faith beyond belief.
11.
"Tell me about Mama."
"Your mama, mi corazón, she is... she is the greatest wonder in the universe. She is strong and independent, brave and kind, beautiful and modest."
"And you love her very much."
"That I do. As much as I love you."
"Though she can be scary sometimes."
"Ya!" Cassian winked at the boy. "Don't tell her I said that, okay?"
"Claro."
***
In the delirium of a surprising victory Cassian pushed Jyn against one of the giant trees, kissing her madly. Jyn had her legs around his hips, kissing him just as rapt. He was close to forgetting about everything but his desire. "Dios mio," he gasped. "I can't believe we made it. I can't believe our future will be as hopeful and green as this planet."
"I know. A miracle indeed." She sounded less surprised.
He frowned. "What? What's on your mind?"
"Nothing much but making out with you." She licked her lips.
"Mí corazón."
"Cassian!" Kaytoo's voice ripped through the greenery like an explosion.
"Ya! What the hell?" Cassian let go of Jyn. He met the droid halfway to keep his lover hidden from curious looks.
"What the hell, Cassian?" Kaytoo repeated in his tinny voice. "Since when are you using that kind of language?"
"Tell me what you want?" Cassian snapped, adjusting his belt. Damn your timing.
Jyn stumbled from behind the tree into full sight. Her hair was disheveled and her vest unbuttoned. She was laughing.
"I see you are busy, Cassian. I will tell Princess Leia and General Solo to wait for you, though I suppose they are as busy as you are." He turned around gracefully and stalked away.
"I think he's right," Jyn whispered, hugging Cassian from behind.
"I don't care. He ruined the moment."
"Oh, Capitán. Giving up so easily?" She pulled him down into the tall grass.
"Nah. I'm always ready for battle."
***
Jyn breathed the minty air and smiled. For three days the celebrations were continuing. Once again Han and Leia sneaked away into the greenery. She looked at Cassian and his smile was as radiant as she felt. Well, this was a brilliant time, and she had a magnificent man at her side. She was as eager as their friends to leave this party once more to be alone with her lover. She was eager to let him know how much she wanted and loved him. She couldn't believe how lucky she was though she had sensed the power of the Force. She couldn't believe the kyber crystal of her mother had given her this gift of peace and happiness. Mama. Papa. I love you.
"Are you okay?" Cassian seized her hand and kissed her fingertips. The two crooked ones twice.
She shivered. "More than okay. For many reasons."
"I see."
No, you don't. But you will. "Let's disappear."
"Again? Dios mio!" He led the way though, sprinting into the honey-scented bushes.
12.
"Tell me about Finn and Rey?"
"Who?"
His dear boy frowned. "Uh... I don't know. I remember the names from my daytime dreams. I thought you must have told me about them."
"Lo siento, I've never heard those names before. So, you had one of your visions, eh?"
"Is that bad?"
"That depends. What does that vision make you feel like?"
"Hopeful."
"Then there's nothing to worry about."
"Bedtime now!" Once more Jyn had found them. "Kiss your Papa goodnight. He needs his rest."
"I do?" Cassian smirked.
"Si, Capitán. Vamos arriba. I'll tire you out."
"Dios mio. Un dia estupendo, un noche estupendo."
"I wasn't finished asking about everyone," the boy grouched. "I want to know about Yoda, Anakin, Padme, Obi-Wan-"
"Do as your mother says, Bodhi," Cassian said softly. "Save being a rebel for more urgent matters."
"Right. Tomorrow then?" Bodhi was wise enough to know when he was fighting a battle he couldn't win.
"Tomorrow," Cassian agreed. "That's a promise."
"I love you, Papa. I love you, Mama." Bodhi hugged both of his parents.
"We love you mucho también, Stardust."
***
The rebels were ready to leave Endor. Jyn appeared a bit cranky.
Cassian leaned into her. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing but feeling unusually tired. Why?"
"You keep staring at Solo."
"Just because I'm curious about the future in general. Ours. Theirs."
Han caught them staring and murmured something into Leia's ear. Leia nodded and snuggled him.
"The probability that Jyn Erso prefers General Solo to Captain Andor is 0.01 percent," Kaytoo blazoned out as always without respect for intimate matters.
"Kay!" Cassian glared at him. He was glad Han and Leia were too far away to hear his outburst.
Jyn chuckled. "So, there is a slight chance?"
"Jyn, please," Cassian groaned. "Don't spur him on."
Kaytoo stretched to his full length. "All my calculations are accurate. The probability that Cassian and Jyn Erso are sleeping together, don't care for official meetings, do things I don't want to know, love each other beyond measurability, made out during the night before the attack on Hoth, are a couple, have a bond so strong nobody will ever understand - is 100.01 percent." Kaytoo's circuits hissed and fizzled. He was at such a peak it was a miracle he didn't overload with smoke coming out of his metal skin.
"Dios mio." Cassian put his face into his hands.
"She is also expecting a new life," Kaytoo prattled on.
"Que?" Cassian's head jerked up. "No. She is not. You aren't, are you?"
"I'm not sure. But considering the many tight-fitting nights in those small bunks on the ships we were on in the last couple of months..."
"Jyn!"
"The probability that this is Cassian's child-"
"Kay!" Cassian huffed, exasperated.
"-is 100.01 percent as well," Kay finished. His artificial eyes were as bright and warm as the fires that enlightened the village of the Ewoks in the last couple of nights.
"Claro que sí!" Jyn quipped, glowing like a starred sky.
"Shut up. Both of you," Cassian said, though he was happier than he had ever imagined. He was granted with a promising life even though he didn't deserve it. He sure would cherish such a life until the end of time. Maybe he would even turn into a believer. After all hope was built on faith, right?
***
Jyn.
Yes?
Remember. The Force will be with you. Always.
I know, Chirrut. You are with the Force. The Force is with you.
He doesn't need the Force. He has me.
Yes, Baze, he does.
