Bloody Jack - 6/?
Author: Daniela
Fandom: Torchwood
Pairing: Janto
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst, Romance, Humour
Series/Sequel: Ianto Mine
Summary: Intimate fragments
Warning: Slash, M/M
Disclaimer: I wish they were mine, especially Ianto. I wouldn't mind Gareth as well.
Feedback: Is the button on the top.
Email: daniforblue@yahoo.de
Beta: None
Wordcount: 3108
Released: March 2025
Despite the trouble of being on the run and watching the world in peril Ianto was in good spirits. His skill set was essential to his mates thus he felt satisfactorily appreciated. He only missed the special times with his stopwatch. Though he couldn't savour such an easy-going mood. Regardless of ruining the deceptive harmony in the process, he asked Jack about his recent death experience. He needed to know to grow closer to Jack. He hoped to pave the way to make his desires and hopes come true. At least after Torchwood had dealt with the recent struggle for survival.
"What did it feel like? I mean, getting blown up," he said, typing eagerly.
Jack stopped working the keys on his computer. "Wasn't the best of days."
"No. But... did you feel it?"
Jack took a deep breath and looked at him.
"Or did everything just go black?"
"I felt it."
Ianto clenched his jaw. "Shit."
"Yeah." Jack turned back to the computer.
No. No, don't you dare. I need more. I deserve more. "D'you ever think that one day your luck'll run out? That you won't come back."
The hinted fear grabbed Jack's undivided attention. "I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever."
Though Ianto suspected just as much already the fact still hurt in the weirdest way. "So... one day, you'll see me die of old age, and just keep going."
"Yeah."
So what? Keep going! The dreaded fate was coming some day. Not yet. Right. Change of mood. Go for it. "We'd better make the most of it, then." Indeed. Take what you can. Every day. No more dabbling.
Jack smiled most charmingly. "I suppose."
"Like right now?" Why, no. He wasn't thinking about making out only. He wanted to cuddle and talk. Connect on a deeper and lasting level. He wasn't sure if Jack got that.
"Ianto, the world could be ending."
"The world's always ending." Alas! Jack didn't. Very well! He wouldn't back down. Live to the fullest. As if it were his final day. "And I have missed that coat."
Jack laughed. "Rhys, d'you wanna take the car and go to those shops down by the Wharf? We need some disks for these things. Should take about... 20 minutes?" In a jiffy he sounded full of mischief.
Ianto masked his ludicrous joy. "30 minutes." Sex or whatever. Any alone time with Jack was a gift. Exactly! He couldn't wait to make this happen.
"30," Jack corrected, not missing a beat.
Isn't my lover the all-time player, huh? Ianto almost drooled a bit.
Rhys, though, missed the distinct vibe altogether. "I'll go later, um, the beans are almost done."
"The beans are almost done," repeated Jack well-behaved, not arguing with the bugger, but going back to work the keys.
You could have worked on me instead. "Bloody beans," Ianto grumbled, reluctantly going back to searching the internet. Sod it! I bet you a pound, Rhys and Gwen have had their fun. Okay. Fine. He could bear up. There would come better times. I'll make certain of that. Though right now he was glad to be kept busy and that Gwen called in shortly after. His face was on fire due to being turned down and because Jack didn't get the essence of his cravings. Were they only about sex after all? Was he having illusions about Jack having deeper feelings for him? Jack had never put them in words. Had never made any long-term promises. So, is he keeping me around out of habit only? Will he move on as soon as I grow too old to be attractive enough to turn him on? Indeed. What then, huh? What will I do? Where will I go? Oh, come on, this is ridiculous! Let it go already! There's no point in tearing yourself apart. Yeah. Quite so. He hammered away at the keyboard.
Easier said than done though. Jack was not only all business again but turned also agitated for reasons Ianto couldn't figure out. Just like that the good mood was gone. This distant acting man was not his lover anymore. This was the stone-cold Torchwood leader. The immortal with too many secrets, who snapped at them like a whipped dog and ran off without giving any explanation.
Oi! Do I deserve this, Jack? After giving you a proper treat and having missed out on a second go. What is it now? What have you done? Because it's always something with you, isn't it? Something you're hiding from me and anybody. Better to confess already. The truth makes things easier. He exhaled. Most of the time.
*****
Well! Not this time Ianto learnt after being on edge for hours. And that wasn't because that old guy Clem called him a queer. Not at all. He was this tense because of Jack's absence and the secrets he kept. Only therefore he snapped at a hunted and traumatized man for being a bit old school. So what? He was a queer, wasn't he? And he couldn't care less about that. He had heard worse names from bloody hypocrites. So, no, that wasn't why he was stroppy. He was like this because the man he was in love with didn't let him be a part of his struggles. Right. Though sulking didn't help to make it better.
Hence, he focused on work, chit-chatted with Gwen and Rhys about the peculiar fun you could have with the lenses. "Well, been there, done that," he deadpanned, and that was true. In the matter of sexual adventure, he was never missing out. Only in the matter of spoken feelings and prospects he was lacking conformation. Even though he had always stood by Jack no matter what.
Come on now. Stop whining! The world is in peril, and you complain about personal vanities. Hoping for more than shagging and cuddling. A domestic life with a man fed on by the darkness inside him. So? What is wrong with me? What thing is eating me up? Is it my childhood trauma? Have I unsolved issues I never dared to address? Am I afraid to process my own flaws? It's easy to lay the blame elsewhere, isn't it? Ianto sniffed, then rushed on with his work. There, there. That's more like it.
*****
Unfortunately, Jack's return wasn't the desired happy reunion. Clem went bonkers and accused Jack of having done a horrible deed and Jack admitted his guilt on the spot. Ianto couldn't believe his ears. Giving children as a gift to aliens was too cruel even for Jack. Sure, he had done a lot of doubtful stuff. But children. Come on. Ianto was fighting to swallow that truth, and he wished Jack had never told them anything about it. He stood frozen listening to Jack saying 'I'm sorry' to Clem. He didn't go to Jack. Wasn't willing to comfort him. Jack had spilled his secret, and Ianto felt broken-hearted, hadn't been ready for such an impact. Bloody hell! Make up your mind! Move! Go to him! Don't judge him when he needs you the most. Too late!
Clem grabbed a gun from Gwen and shoot Jack dead. Oh no! No! Now Ianto sprinted over to his lover, knelt beside him, and rested Jack's head on his lap. Oh god! Never was he so grateful for Jack's immortality. Suffering through the time holding his lifeless body. It's fine, Jack. I'm here. I'm not mad anymore. You had no choice, right? And hoped he and Jack could have that urgent talk if not today then at least tomorrow.
All right! As ever Jack jolted back to life, struggling and gasping in shock, and Ianto kept embracing him, his sore heart full of compassion and regret. Indeed? Have I already forgiven him? Am I that bugger? Forgiving the worst for love? Perhaps because Jack was clinging to him, as if Ianto were the only one. His anchor in all the darkness around Jack, present and past. And am I, Jack? Am I really? Or am I just convenient? At the right place at the right time.
Whereas the shocked Clem was running out. Hiding away. Seeing a man coming back to life wasn't normal for him, was it? Well, it wasn't the usual happening for Ianto, too. Not like any other deaths Jack had been coming back from. Not with all the new baggage burdening their relationship. Right. He let go of Jack and went back to the computer. I need to hear your side of the story, Jack. I didn't want to judge you without having all the information. That's fair, isn't it? That's who I am.
Well then! With the recent horrific moment still lingering around he and Jack were being alone against all odds.
"Can't believe you didn't mention this before," he spoke his mind right away, only sensing Jack's uneasiness sitting behind him.
"They didn't speak through kids back then," Jack said, closing in. "I didn't recognize the signs at first."
Nice try. He turned around and looked at Jack. "That's not what I meant."
Oh my! The ingenious Jack Harkness was stunned. Stared at Ianto, not saying one more word.
Alas! This second Rhys came back in, saying Gwen and Clem were on their way back, too. Bollocks! Once again, Ianto was left with his doubts and fears. Had to listen to Jack explaining his doings considering Clem and the children. And the longer he listened the colder he felt. Not knowing how to go on with Jack after this. Not knowing if he still wanted to improve their relationship. Tough times indeed.
So, Ianto was almost glad Gwen asked him to go back to the surveillance of their contact via computer. Keeping his brain busy with more urging matters was not the best distraction though. Faced with the fate of the children Jack had once turned over the aliens Ianto couldn't hold back the tears. So much cruelty and suffering. He couldn't help his anger at Jack and at himself for loving this man. You don't say! Who are you then? Who indeed?
*****
No chance in hell Ianto would let Jack get away with his silence. He needed to ease his conscience. He needed to justify his love for Jack. So, when Jack sneaked out of the room, Ianto followed and sought him out. He caught Jack in one of the halls not doing anything but frowning at lots of empty space. Was he reconsidering his actions now that he had seen the children's suffering? Or was he planning how many innocents he was willing to sacrifice today? "This must have been eating away at you. Why didn't you tell me? I could have helped," he said, before he lost his courage.
"No, you couldn't," Jack brushed him off, though his eyes looked misty with unshed tears.
"I tell you everything." Right. Tit for tat, Jack. This is how a relationship works.
Jack looked at him. "Yeah? So, tell me, what should I have done?"
"Stood up to them. The Jack I know would have stood up to them."
There you have it! Jack looked away. Brushed him off once more.
Oi, you! Don't do this! Don't shy away from the conflict. That's the crux of us. "I've only just scraped the surface, haven't I?" he lamented, suppressing the aching in his heart.
"Ianto, that's all there is," Jack kept on denying.
Good grief! "No. You pretend that's all there is."
Jack blinked. "I've lived a long time. I have done a lot of things."
He swallowed his tears. I know, Jack. What's your point? He wouldn't cry. Not today.
"I've gotta go. I won't be long."
Ouch! "You're doing it again. Speak to me, Jack. Where are you going?"
"To call Frobisher. I can't make the call from here 'cause they'll be able to trace it. Is that okay?"
Okay? Who am I? A footman? Ah. The tea boy, right? "You're the boss." I won't break anyway, sir. I am Torchwood, too.
"And just so you know, I have a daughter called Alice, and a grandson called Steven and Frobisher took them hostage yesterday."
And with that chunk of data thrown at him Jack was gone, and Ianto was left to stew in his own juices. Bugger! Why am I doing this to myself? Care so much. Hang in there. Jack isn't worth it, not if he treats me like a stranger kept in the dark. Okay. Fine. He squared his shoulders and went back to Gwen and Rhys. Whenever this disaster would be over and done, he wouldn't go on as if everything were good and proper in their relationship. Of course he had brought that up on himself, hadn't he? He could have left Torchwood after Lisa was dead. He could have steered off Jack Harkness and his damn handsomeness. He could have lived an easier and less complicated life with a nice girl. Never gotten involved with Jack and his forever existence. The constant secrecy. The misery and the losses. Right, but this was his life now and he couldn't turn back time and start from scratch. Yet he could claim a change or draw the line. Better now than never.
*****
As promised Jack was back minutes later but there was no time for Ianto and him to talk more. They were busy keeping up with the surveillance. Yet Ianto was surprised that Jack didn't get angry with him when Gwen spilled Ianto had told her about Jack's family. Or was Jack too busy and distracted to even care Ianto passed the news on right away? So? Enough already. Focus on the important stuff. Though when Ianto learnt what the politicians were deciding considering the selection of the children the fact that Jack was standing close to him was a comfort. Those gutless buggers! He wanted to fight them and the aliens both. Oh yeah. Plain terrifying how much he was bursting for action. Indeed! I'm ready to make a crucial move. I'm ready to finish this.
So, when Jack said, "Time to stand up to them', he was getting the guns not having any more questions. He was with Jack. To hell with the past. This was now. Their future was hanging in the balance, and he was determined to fight for it.
Due to the chaos on the streets they got stuck in traffic midway. He and Jack left the car behind and continued on foot. He used the opportunity to call his sister. He urged her to let the children never out of her sight. He warned the people listening in to his conversation as well. They had children, too, didn't they? They cared for them. Loved them! Indeed. He told his sister he loved her. He loved his niece and nephew. Bloody hell! He was full of beans! Ha! He loved life. He loved Jack. Loved Gwen, Rhys, and the big, wide world. He would do anything to defeat and banish those bloody aliens. With them gone... well... Torchwood routine. Enough to go on... and then... he and Jack... a fresh start maybe...
"If I order you to stay outside, will you?" Jack interrupted his jumble of feelings in front of their destination.
"No, sir." He tripped over the bloody kerb at the entrance. "I won't." He bristled with anger. "This is my fight as well as yours."
"Not long ago I'd have insisted you stay at the Hub."
"Yeah. Well. All gone. Tosh. Owen. The Hub."
"Right." Jack shrugged. "Was worth a try."
"I appreciate the sentiment," he said, following Jack into the lion's den. He wasn't scared. He was with Jack. The man who couldn't die. And there was no time to be scared anyway, was there?
*****
Once the aliens had released the virus forcing Ianto to breathe poisoned air every fear caught up with him though. Blimey! Had he miscalculated? Done it all wrong? Missed the chance on making up with Jack or making out one last time? How could this be when he was still wanting so much? Not having done half the things he had imagined giving a try. You silly git! Have you forgotten you can die? That your luck might be used up? Owen and Tosh had learned that lesson already. The bitter truth that none of us is invincible. Not bloody James Bond. Not like him.
The immortal who was begging for his life. "I take it back, alright?" Jack screamed at the alien creatures. "I take it all back, but not him!"
The emotional outburst didn't help. The aliens were unrelenting. Eerily chilling. Ianto flailed and crashed to the ground.
"No! No, no, no, no, no. No! Ianto. No." Jack cradled him into his arms.
Isn't that what I wanted? To die in Jack's arms if ever? Not being able to breathe was undesirable though. As well as losing the possibility of an unlikely domestic life.
"It's all my fault."
"No, it's not..." He shivered to the bone. It's my own. Falling for you against all sense.
"Don't speak, save your breath." Jack caressed his cheek.
Isn't this beautiful? No more fighting. Soaked up in his magnetic energy. "I love you, I..." ... won't get old and wrinkled...
"Don't." Jack gulped.
...losing you somewhere along the way... Ah. Bugger! Still. Why now,... He closed his eyes.
"Ianto. Ianto. Ianto, stay with me, Ianto, stay with me, please." Jack shook him. "Stay with me, stay with me, please, please."
Oh my! The panic and desperation in Jack's voice. Isn't that... uh...? Am I loved after all? Is this it? He forced his eyes open again to see his lover's handsome face. Saving the sight of his compassion and grief. Yep! He would miss him. His style... his scent... his touch... oh yeah... "Hey..." He cried. "It was... good, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Don't forget me."
"Never could."
"A thousand years' time, you won't remember me." Indeed. I'm not that foolish. Yet tears were filling his eyes. For what he left behind and the horrors lying ahead. Will I see Lisa again? Owen and Tosh? Will there be darkness? Or the hoped for light? Eternal brightness? Oh God, please. Give me that at least. Don't I deserve it? Don't I...?
"Yes, I will," Jack sobbed. "I promise, I will."
It's fine. Go and save the world. That's your purpose. Not loving me. Sudden he slipped into nonentity. Didn't hear the threats of the aliens anymore, didn't see Jack's hatred for them, or feel the late kiss on his lips.
Gone.
